At night before bed

late at night before bed

my soul unrest, I remain wide awake.

fade into an abyss, often my thoughts did,

--my fears, my tears, my solitude years

I miss the presence of love

its warmth and burning hope it unearths 

I miss having someone to hold

to feel complete, hopeful and whole

knowing I'll never settle; 

what I expect is what I deserve.

I can't do grays, I can't do less,

and never second to best

all while knowing too, 

that my wishes are simple
yet akin to a pair of outstretched hands into the horizon of blue

The Final Chapter: Jealousy & Taciturnity

K has a very bad texting habit which he said he is trying to change. He said it is nothing personal but he has been this way all along. It kills me.

"I don't understand why you're not respecting me the way you said you do. Even as a friend, as FwBs, I don't think I deserve to be treated this way." I texted him a long ass text knowing he won't respond and he sure didn't surprise me.

"We shouldn't see each other anymore because I cannot handle the way we are."

I came back home and sulked to the thought of never seeing him again. The lungo he always makes me in the morning, the wine-drinking, the witty conversations we always have, the chats in between sex and the laughter under sheets, how we always smile whenever we kiss, his ridiculously amazing bod and that ass.

9:40pm: I added his number to the Blocked Contacts list.

The next day, I flew to London -- where he grew up in -- for a work trip.