Chrissy's Woes and Rants as a 33yo

They say when you feel like you've hit rock bottom, the only way you can move is 'up'.

When I was younger, I remember I had better resilience dealing with setbacks. When I felt sad, betrayed or unwanted, I'd go into a long slumber. And the next day I'd wake with so much hope and positivity, ready to take on the world again even when I had nothing to my name and was absolutely broke. It turns out, while many out there seem to think that you get stronger as you grow older, it's not the case for me. The damn turn of wheels, I'm the opposite of what everyone is--I get weaker inside with each day I inch toward death. What a pathetic way to morph, if you ask me.

Yes, I'm the one who carved a name for myself even when I am not the most highly educated person around. Yes, I give my all in whatever I do because I'm achievement-hungry. I am motivated and eager to be recognised by those who I think are high up there. The successful people around me think I'm strong, fiercely independent and there's nothing in this world that can take me down.

When old friends ask how I'm doing these days, I'd go about with the answer "Probably successful in career, friends and family but always a big failure in relationships". And they'd respond with "Don't be greedy. You can't have it all in life." Cut the patronising and the sake of saying something when you have nothing better to say. The fact we all know is: you can. There are so many around us who have managed to excel in all these aspects which are fundamental (I say fundamental) to one's over all wellbeing. Puhlease...

They say I'm not whole and this is why I keep scoring a big fat zero in my romance department. Again, if we take a long hard look at everyone around us, the fact remains, there are a lot more people out there who aren't whole who are together with somebody. So where's the argument in this? Let's take a look at my Life Score Card here...

So I know what you're all thinking here. And I can flatly tell you here are what my friends always say to me:

"You fall too fast, too hard."

"You don't hold back when you fall."

"You trust people too easily."

"You need to have better taste in men." 

"You get too intense. People don't like it."

I'm a nice person. I don't outrightly talk back to my friends so whenever I hear someone saying anything along the lines of these here, here's what I'll be saying (screaming) in my head... 

"You fall too fast, too hard." (I'M A DIE HARD ROMANTIC!)

"You don't hold back when you fall." (I'M A DIE HARD ROMANTIC!!!)

"You trust people too easily." (YOU SAID I DON'T TRUST PEOPLE WHICH RESULTED IN THE INSECURITIES I HAVE IN ME. NOW YOU SAID I TRUST PEOPLE TOO EASILY?)

"You need to have better taste in men." (I'VE BEEN SINGLE FOR CLOSE TO 4 YEARS! AND WHY IS THIS SO?)

"You get too intense. People don't like it." (I AM PUMPING WITH BLOOD, ALIVE AND AM PASSIONATE IN THE THINGS I FEEL FOR. I'M A LEO, LEAVE ME ALONE.)