100 Dumb Ways to Die

I've always appreciated the portrayal of friendship in The Hangover movie series, and I often fantasized about being able to do the outrageous things the guys did. But, as societal norms dictate, girls and women are typically not expected to visit strip clubs, drink too much, or openly discuss their sexual encounters. This means I often feel confined to nail salons, spa treatments, and sipping overpriced, girly cocktails in my designer heels.

While I don’t mind that lifestyle, I can’t help but envy the freedom that men seem to have to engage in reckless fun—and get away with it. Even when they be wearing bermudas and flip flops and look like Stu. 

So, it’s no surprise that in 2018, I found myself drink driving in Malaysia without a proper license. When the police pulled me over and asked for my ID, I knew I had to think fast.

“How much?” I asked, half-joking.

He laughed and said, “Whoa, wait. Let me talk to my colleague.”

He returned with a straight face. “200.”

“Ringgit? OK.”

And just like that, we were off. This was supposed to be a post about "100 Dumb Ways to Die," but clearly, we survived my reckless driving and blatant bribery. If the officer had been a stickler for the law, I might have ended up in some grim Malaysian prison where, as a friend once told me, everyone shares the same water pitcher. I could have easily succumbed to my fear of bacteria and viruses and died by anxiety attacks in there.

Just the other day, I was out with Pw, and we briefly discussed "100 Dumb Ways to Die."

“Hey, I saw a TikTok that said if you fall out of a plane, aim for the forest or swamps instead of water, since water can be like hitting concrete from that height,” I said.

“Huh, so trees would cushion the fall?” she asked.

“Supposedly. But imagine getting impaled by a thick branch high up in a tree. You’d be stuck, bleeding out slowly, in excruciating pain, and no one would hear your cries for help. HAHAHAHAHA.”

“But don’t worry bruv, if that happens to you, I’ll call the rescue team. I’ll tell them exactly where you are. Just look for the trees near the crash site!”

Just like in The Hangover, with my current placement, I believe I have the ability now to do outrageous things and get away with them. The best part? I have a friend who’s just as cock, ready to join me in all my shenanigans. I'm just not too sure how her husband would feel if he had to come bail us out of jail one day.