stu·por
[stoo-per, styoo-] –noun
1.
suspension or great diminution of sensibility, as in disease or as caused by narcotics, intoxicants, etc.: He lay there in a drunken stupor.
2.
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Why do I always have to say/do stupid crazy shit when I'm in this state. I DO NOT think my personality is fucking awesome/perfect FYI! I know I always let my ego/pride get the better of me! Fuck me okay? I am sorry.
ARGH.
Wrecked just a week prior birthday and 2 weeks before Auckland trip. I don't think the word sanity exists in my realm, I don't think anyone is capable of fathoming whatever I do, but this time round, I have done wrong. I have done so wrong, and nothing I do can redeem myself. This is the result of an impromptu act which I was caught unprepared for, which I did not plan and think it through before I took the leap. This is the aftermath of expectations which was unmet, this is the consequence that I am bearing because of words I said in a drunken stupor, this is the crazy thing I do. This is me, nevertheless, so me, typically me. I said I am sorry, but to whom, I am not sure. I hate being on the back of everyone's mind, or just that little corner, or worse, a fading shadow. I hate this. I knew it's going to be a tightrope walk and I just had to do it, I despise myself.
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