惱春風 我心因何惱春風
說不出 借酒相送
夜雨凍 雨點透射到照片中
回頭似是夢 無法彈動 迷住凝望你 褪色照片中
啊 像花雖未紅 如冰雖不凍 卻像有無數說話 可惜我聽不懂
啊 是杯酒漸濃 或我心真空 何以感震動
照片中 哪可以投照片中
盼找到 時間裂縫
夜放縱 告知我難尋你芳蹤
回頭也是夢 仍似被動 逃避凝望你 卻深印腦中
Sunday, June 22, 2014
Tuesday, June 17, 2014
The world today is such a confusing place to be in. When we were younger, we were told to work towards the things we want in life -- to have the go-getter attitude. Because of this, and that everyone else is doing it, we slip into this same pattern where in we visualize the person we want to be and start working towards it.
Firstly, it was studies. It was a standard that having As for all your papers is the only way to go. As a result, we slogged our ways out burning midnight oil, missed our favourite TV shows, missed a family birthday celebration, missed a trip out with friends just because it was told to us by everyone around us -- the society.
And then we graduate and dive into the society. And the same cycle repeats itself again. We missed the things that are important to us just because we were too busy being the person we have visualized we will be. It's an irony. It doesn't make sense to me. Being the person we want to be is important, and yet these occasions are important too. Life is a great balancing act because it is always lop-sided in some ways.
And the society once again came into play when it comes to relationships. We were told that this and that should be the way. We were convinced by media that love should be this way. As a result once again, we visualize the love we want to have and then measure up everyone who comes along against the ideal. We visualize the person who we want to be when in love and start acting it resulting in we forgetting to receive what we receive. We keep demanding for more because things don't go as expected -- the ideal that we have. Then you start asking yourself why you are miserable and that nothing ever seems enough. You keep asking yourself this question throughout adulthood and along the way, you lost so much of your innocence.
On one fine afternoon, the song by Colin Raye came on. I was asked if the song was depressing to be a wedding song.
"No. It's a very sweet song."
Firstly, it was studies. It was a standard that having As for all your papers is the only way to go. As a result, we slogged our ways out burning midnight oil, missed our favourite TV shows, missed a family birthday celebration, missed a trip out with friends just because it was told to us by everyone around us -- the society.
And then we graduate and dive into the society. And the same cycle repeats itself again. We missed the things that are important to us just because we were too busy being the person we have visualized we will be. It's an irony. It doesn't make sense to me. Being the person we want to be is important, and yet these occasions are important too. Life is a great balancing act because it is always lop-sided in some ways.
And the society once again came into play when it comes to relationships. We were told that this and that should be the way. We were convinced by media that love should be this way. As a result once again, we visualize the love we want to have and then measure up everyone who comes along against the ideal. We visualize the person who we want to be when in love and start acting it resulting in we forgetting to receive what we receive. We keep demanding for more because things don't go as expected -- the ideal that we have. Then you start asking yourself why you are miserable and that nothing ever seems enough. You keep asking yourself this question throughout adulthood and along the way, you lost so much of your innocence.
On one fine afternoon, the song by Colin Raye came on. I was asked if the song was depressing to be a wedding song.
"No. It's a very sweet song."
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
Monday, June 9, 2014
Fault in our Stars
The soundtrack is great. The Fault in our Stars that is. I am looking for a wishlist I can do up to include the books I need to read. This is on top of my list and it's very unfortunate that I'm very broke now. I can't even buy the book. If there's any good people out there, please buy me a gift-card on booksdepository.com. State your name and I shall return the favour one day. Nothing sexual of course.
I am broke and it's soon I'll dive into my first pool of debts. The very first time. I just told the girls, PW and XX that I have no money for Macadeedees and PW said she's going to pay for my meal. How much I owe PW & WM the couple? A lot. True friends in a true story.
I've once again, come to another crossroad in life. Left the publishing big boy and tried to join an agency. For you all haters out there who had told me that life in an agency is hard and that I won't be able to take it cause you were jealous that I seemingly got myself a better job, you can gloat now. Laugh at me all you want for I've sacked the boss -- the cruel and almost inhumane boss. Spoke to my family and close friends about it and they were all supportive of my decision. Because they know me well. That I value a healthy balance in life -- that I am not my work and my work does not define who I am. I am a true artist. I don't work well in this race the rats run. I function at will and I am the most brilliant when I am left to roam and explore.
That is why I have decided that I will attempt to finish the story that I've started writing. I might name it A Novel in 30 Days. But first, I need to find the most conducive environment to do so. With plenty of time on hand, I might go to the National Library tomorrow. I had initially thought of the beach. But they don't have a power point there I can use.
So, I have been spending my time well, getting busy with my sister's wedding preparations. Which I didn't do much actually except to be in charge of the AV (I told everyone I was the Adult Video I/C), making sure my Dad doesn't disappear too frequently to smoke, playing host to relatives who I hardly see who I don't really care if they just have a kid or cancer, letting them sing compliments that they don't mean, engage them in conversations that don't matter and you know the rest. These events disgust me. I mean it's great to see everyone alive and kicking. But I don't comprehend the idea of getting together for that few hours, talk as if we're best friends and simply forget about each other when we wake the next day. It doesn't make sense right? What's worst, is that you know how some of them have a vicious tongue. The perfect put-downs, the sarcasm, the green with envy tone in their words... oh my god, give me a break already. I have just recently got rid of the toxic people in my life.
The wedding day was emotional for me having to see my sister getting married and starting a new life altogether. There were moments of self-reflection, definitely more than the usual. For even in the eyes of my own, I am still behaving like a little child. Perhaps a wild one just that I don't sleep around. And I'm worried most of the time that I might never grow up to be a woman, a wife and a mother.
I think my life is a joke. I look at the sky sometimes at night and wonder why I'm being left here in this concrete jungle. Life might be better for me if I'm born a tribal woman in Amazon. I have no skills. The only thing I'm capable of is to dream. And whilst I am capable of that, I tried so many times to pen these dreams down in words. Alas, I'm not a linguist too. The idea here now, is that if I'm born a tribal woman in Amazon, I might pick up hunting skills, cooking skills, milking skills, foraging skills and the likes.
This sounds like I'm spiralling into a depressed funk (note that I really love this catchy phrase a lot) but I've never been so calm and composed for years. I love waking up in the morning now, breathing in the fresh air and appreciating the beauty that mornings bring. I love listening to the birds chirp even when it's actually crows loudly croaking away.
I am broke and it's soon I'll dive into my first pool of debts. The very first time. I just told the girls, PW and XX that I have no money for Macadeedees and PW said she's going to pay for my meal. How much I owe PW & WM the couple? A lot. True friends in a true story.
I've once again, come to another crossroad in life. Left the publishing big boy and tried to join an agency. For you all haters out there who had told me that life in an agency is hard and that I won't be able to take it cause you were jealous that I seemingly got myself a better job, you can gloat now. Laugh at me all you want for I've sacked the boss -- the cruel and almost inhumane boss. Spoke to my family and close friends about it and they were all supportive of my decision. Because they know me well. That I value a healthy balance in life -- that I am not my work and my work does not define who I am. I am a true artist. I don't work well in this race the rats run. I function at will and I am the most brilliant when I am left to roam and explore.
That is why I have decided that I will attempt to finish the story that I've started writing. I might name it A Novel in 30 Days. But first, I need to find the most conducive environment to do so. With plenty of time on hand, I might go to the National Library tomorrow. I had initially thought of the beach. But they don't have a power point there I can use.
So, I have been spending my time well, getting busy with my sister's wedding preparations. Which I didn't do much actually except to be in charge of the AV (I told everyone I was the Adult Video I/C), making sure my Dad doesn't disappear too frequently to smoke, playing host to relatives who I hardly see who I don't really care if they just have a kid or cancer, letting them sing compliments that they don't mean, engage them in conversations that don't matter and you know the rest. These events disgust me. I mean it's great to see everyone alive and kicking. But I don't comprehend the idea of getting together for that few hours, talk as if we're best friends and simply forget about each other when we wake the next day. It doesn't make sense right? What's worst, is that you know how some of them have a vicious tongue. The perfect put-downs, the sarcasm, the green with envy tone in their words... oh my god, give me a break already. I have just recently got rid of the toxic people in my life.
The wedding day was emotional for me having to see my sister getting married and starting a new life altogether. There were moments of self-reflection, definitely more than the usual. For even in the eyes of my own, I am still behaving like a little child. Perhaps a wild one just that I don't sleep around. And I'm worried most of the time that I might never grow up to be a woman, a wife and a mother.
I think my life is a joke. I look at the sky sometimes at night and wonder why I'm being left here in this concrete jungle. Life might be better for me if I'm born a tribal woman in Amazon. I have no skills. The only thing I'm capable of is to dream. And whilst I am capable of that, I tried so many times to pen these dreams down in words. Alas, I'm not a linguist too. The idea here now, is that if I'm born a tribal woman in Amazon, I might pick up hunting skills, cooking skills, milking skills, foraging skills and the likes.
This sounds like I'm spiralling into a depressed funk (note that I really love this catchy phrase a lot) but I've never been so calm and composed for years. I love waking up in the morning now, breathing in the fresh air and appreciating the beauty that mornings bring. I love listening to the birds chirp even when it's actually crows loudly croaking away.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
