Fault in our Stars

The soundtrack is great. The Fault in our Stars that is. I am looking for a wishlist I can do up to include the books I need to read. This is on top of my list and it's very unfortunate that I'm very broke now. I can't even buy the book. If there's any good people out there, please buy me a gift-card on booksdepository.com. State your name and I shall return the favour one day. Nothing sexual of course.

I am broke and it's soon I'll dive into my first pool of debts. The very first time. I just told the girls, PW and XX that I have no money for Macadeedees and PW said she's going to pay for my meal. How much I owe PW & WM the couple? A lot. True friends in a true story.

I've once again, come to another crossroad in life. Left the publishing big boy and tried to join an agency. For you all haters out there who had told me that life in an agency is hard and that I won't be able to take it cause you were jealous that I seemingly got myself a better job, you can gloat now. Laugh at me all you want for I've sacked the boss -- the cruel and almost inhumane boss. Spoke to my family and close friends about it and they were all supportive of my decision. Because they know me well. That I value a healthy balance in life -- that I am not my work and my work does not define who I am. I am a true artist. I don't work well in this race the rats run. I function at will and I am the most brilliant when I am left to roam and explore.

That is why I have decided that I will attempt to finish the story that I've started writing. I might name it A Novel in 30 Days. But first, I need to find the most conducive environment to do so. With plenty of time on hand, I might go to the National Library tomorrow. I had initially thought of the beach. But they don't have a power point there I can use.

So, I have been spending my time well, getting busy with my sister's wedding preparations. Which I didn't do much actually except to be in charge of the AV (I told everyone I was the Adult Video I/C), making sure my Dad doesn't disappear too frequently to smoke, playing host to relatives who I hardly see who I don't really care if they just have a kid or cancer, letting them sing compliments that they don't mean, engage them in conversations that don't matter and you know the rest. These events disgust me. I mean it's great to see everyone alive and kicking. But I don't comprehend the idea of getting together for that few hours, talk as if we're best friends and simply forget about each other when we wake the next day. It doesn't make sense right? What's worst, is that you know how some of them have a vicious tongue. The perfect put-downs, the sarcasm, the green with envy tone in their words... oh my god, give me a break already. I have just recently got rid of the toxic people in my life.

The wedding day was emotional for me having to see my sister getting married and starting a new life altogether. There were moments of self-reflection, definitely more than the usual. For even in the eyes of my own, I am still behaving like a little child. Perhaps a wild one just that I don't sleep around. And I'm worried most of the time that I might never grow up to be a woman, a wife and a mother.

I think my life is a joke. I look at the sky sometimes at night and wonder why I'm being left here in this concrete jungle. Life might be better for me if I'm born a tribal woman in Amazon. I have no skills. The only thing I'm capable of is to dream. And whilst I am capable of that, I tried so many times to pen these dreams down in words. Alas, I'm not a linguist too. The idea here now, is that if I'm born a tribal woman in Amazon, I might pick up hunting skills, cooking skills, milking skills, foraging skills and the likes.

This sounds like I'm spiralling into a depressed funk (note that I really love this catchy phrase a lot) but I've never been so calm and composed for years. I love waking up in the morning now, breathing in the fresh air and appreciating the beauty that mornings bring. I love listening to the birds chirp even when it's actually crows loudly croaking away.