A lot of people don't realize about me, is that my thoughts tend to erupt in a dynamic fashion, they are never linear. When I look at things, I see its future, its past and the possibility of having it altered some way along the road. If I look at someone and I want that person near all the time, I look at his future, his past and wonder if there's anything I could do to his past to help me better understand him in this present, which may lead to me having him near me in the future. Thus, I have an undying curiosity about everyone's past. I like to know you from your past before I could go on to know you in this present and dive into your future.
Many think I'm expressive and outspoken. The truth is, I am not. I'm one better with written words. And my journals are my chambers of thoughts. I have a journal for everyone that matters to me. And I have one journal that I keep for myself. They are all my written thoughts and I know my memory is as fleeting as time. When time pulls me away from something I want to remember, I'll end up forgetting somehow. I yearn to remember the way Bennett and Benjamin made me feel. But time has pulled me further than I was meant to. I couldn't fight it.
As humans, we all feel pain. It's only right to express pain. It's only right to feel pain. Winter has fallen on me this March. And I'm left here alone to deal with my thoughts that don't travel in linear, my pain, my solitude and all the cold.
For Carl:
Winter came this March.
Gentle snow befalls around
a heart left alone and cold.
She can't make you stay
because you were never hers
She could only let you go
and wait for Spring
Till then
it'll be gentle white snow,
soft, cold and lonely
Sun, will you ever shine?
Spring, will you ever come?
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