Unrequited love has to be one of the most difficult emotions around all the time. In fact--it's been my bane, it's been my only downfall, it has always been my achilles' heel.
My borderline personality disorder doesn't make it easy. I tried to regulate my black and white thinking, I tried to fight my overthinking, hyper-sensing but I find myself on the pendulum swing over and over again. Though not as vigorous, the wrecking ball still swings.
I have a fear of being replaced and I know I most probably have. The cut back on texts, the infrequent initiated unsolicited ones, and the times I just mindlessly looking at your time-stamps, knowing you're texting someone else the memes, how your day has been etc instead of me--the old me.
Unlike common folks, I find people whom I connect with irreplaceable. It's almost like the initial stage of a narcissist having met someone whom she fancies. She'd put him on a pedestal--whether or not it's idealised--and gives it her all without holding back (ref: BPD) only to not knowing how to protect herself, only to be hurt in the end when the hopes come crashing down.
I've been replaced. I've been replaced. You don't fancy me. You don't fancy. She's better. She's better. I keep repeating these in my head. What can I do besides to keep telling myself these, curl up in my bed, cry and overthink?
What better way to walk away except to keep reminding myself that I've been replaced and that you no longer need me.
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