In this process of avoidance of the mental and emotional pain, my conscious mind decided to enter a specific name in Google search engine, expecting what results would be displayed. Mixed up feelings hit like a tidal wave when I found a page - someone's blog with the mention of it. And a picture. A look which I never have got the chance to brand it painfully deeply into my head. It was dated two years history. And at that point of time, neither one of us has had our paths crossed.
My fist-like blood bank cringed in extreme pain and unknowingly shed a little fallen tear. With such massive waves of regrets and sorrow hit, I didn't even realise I had teared until the numb effect of the pain went off. Too afraid to break into pieces, I quickly shut down the computer and went into solitude, scribbling away in my journal words which could never ever be brought into reality. And it hurts me to find out how complicated my heart can be and I felt deeply shamed by the way I function.
I began walking alongside happiness (most prolly hypothetically) eversince some time in March, keeping safe of Chrissy and all ill emotions in two pocketfuls, never allowing myself to savour the dear old feeling which I have been missing. But how do I change the morbid attribute which I possess. It's only natural.
I miss you.
And I hate you.
I am doing well.
Thank you.
Thank you, stranger.
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