Yesterday is here.

I have the morning dreads sickness...

I have a job right now. Can't say I am at the happiest having this as my bread-giving because I am being micromanaged, and ranted at for wanting to learn, trying very hard to learn. The down thing about it is my inability to retaliate because as of now, it's a fact that I don't know anything and isn't skilled. I have no idea why everyone at work is terrified of my manager. She talks at the top of her voice - yes. Why do they submit themselves to coercive management? Coercive management is the worst kinda of leadership ever practised. Would you rather be feared than to be respected? So much for being a staunched basic human rights believer, I didn't do anything about all those rants except to continue holding my head up high. And during moments like these, I repetitively chanted in my head, that if I am here to learn, I have to swallow it down. Because I am here to steal, and after the loot is in my hands, I shall make my escape.

I wake up in the mornings dreading the idea of working there. I shan't go into relating how I can't click with anyone and everyone at my work. Because it's not only because of that, that I have this tendency to throw up every morning (I'm not pregnant god damn it). Say, the idea of being stranded on an dirty island with nothing around beautiful enough to minimally cheer a dying cancer patient up. I feel like a pig playing in a puddle of mud. Imagine me in such an island. How can these two ever come together as one?

I am a greedy person...

See God. That's the problem with every walking man on earth. We are made to be greedy. Because if we weren't, how would you think the world would have progressed to the state it is today? There will be no blue collar worker coming out to set up his own business and finally made it big which benefits the global economy somewhat. And why's that he had chosen to come out on his own? Because he is greedy, he wants more. He wants more moolah so he could get a prettier wife, wants a Cadillac, wants a Franck Muller. And by proving himself to everyone, he's actually measuring his achievements and worth in a form of materials. And all of the above, you and I are guilty of... I have forgotten the most important thing which I desperately need - the need to be happy.

I've seen myself these days and hence made a comparison - I feel incomplete. It's a never-ending route to deadly luxuries. And I couldn't stop feeling troubled everyday because I am so tormented by the thought of 'being/wearing better than you'. Let us all sign a petition to put Anna Wintour to euthanasia. She's the reason why every girl/woman on earth feels lousy about themselves.

I want to be happy...

I really want to. But I haven't quite figured out what's missing. I feel happy wearing a pair of comfortable flip flops rather than those killer heels. I will feel happy if I wake up to breakfast on the bed. I feel happy after having a good read. I feel happy after having found a track which brings back fond memories of my youth. Or perhaps just a stroll on the beach (when the sun's not so scorching hot luh).

I am capable of my own happiness...

The light in my room fused and I changed it out all by myself this afternoon. I didn't know it could be such simple and easy chore even when I am not very tall. Then I understood that if I wish to attain, it will be possible if I try. So I made myself promise myself that I should try to be happy, no matter what downs should befall on me. And I shan't compare myself to everyone around me anymore, because there's a reason why I call them "others" and myself "me".

Me, myself am the world...

-

"If all mankind were to disappear, the world would regenerate back to the rich state of equilibrium that existed ten thousand years ago. If insects were to vanish, the environment would collapse into chaos."

-Edward O. Wilson