What's happening to me?

If you really know me well enough, you would have known by now that I'm a committed employee and I put work in front of everything else, usually.

Recently, I've started to slip away. The lazy bone in me started to take control of my entire motivation to do almost anything. I've skipped work for two days w/o any medical certificate and to total up, I've skipped work for 3.5 days in this month. It's a utterly bad feeling when I think of myself that way, but it remains a fact now that I'm this horrible. Seriously, I don't think I deserve any chance from my employer. I had wanted be let go, but they refused. Not because I think I am good, but because I think they are in urgent need of manpower. And I had to dig them in now, when I know they are so under-manpowered. I just had to. Please slap me anyone?

When I think of my work, I feel uneasy. I do not have any sense of belonging there. I do not click with any of my colleagues and neither does anyone of them smoke (you know when they say smokers can click better with one another, it's true). I feel so left out all the time, but it's seriously fine. I don't need to converse with anyone. I need to be left alone to my own work. But the one thing which I hate is, everyone of them is trying to make me fit in. Y'all should know by now, that socializing remains a great myth to me until today. I find it so difficult to answer questions which are so: 1) apparent to the eyes 2) as if you care?

My mom told me that the biggest flaw which lies in me is that I have zero capability to feign any relation to any Tom, Dick or Harry. And that, this I have inherited from her, on a clashed good and bad note. Why good? Go figure.

I've been spending alot on my credit card. When I did a tabulation just now, my intestines cringed. And apart from the records from the card, I do not have any single clue where the rest of my funds go to. When I spend these days, I still feel unhappy. Is my life really taking its toll on me? Or have I become greedier?

I have a short getaway to Batam this weekend with Des. But I don't feel too thrilled at the idea of it. Something must be wrong with me.