Wishlist #2010.

1. Balenciaga City Bag

2. Alexander McQueen skull scarf

3. Comme des garcons Play tee

4. Get married in 2011

5. Baby in 2012

No. 1,2,3 are very achievable. No. 4,5 not so.

Lmao. It's the age luh! Babies are cute things.

Or perhaps I'll just drift and fool around. Fine with it too.

Think Tracy will be the first among the three of us to get hitched, aye Yvonne?

Can't imagine how her baby will look. (Tracy + Jerry = Tragedy)

HAHAHAHA. OMG. Don't hit me biatch.

Fear.

I went to google on something rather disturbing me.

I guess it is the cause for my headache.

Oh god, tell me I'm as ridiculous and stupid as Americans.

It can't be, right?

I'm me you know.

Yes, me.

Chrissy, fug off?

Just admit that you're wrong and I'll give back what I borrowed or stole.

-

You love me, because I am me.

Inevitably me.

Funny, witty, and girly.

When end of day comes,

do you see my ugly?

Yeo Yvonne: Haha. No I want my $33. And I'm playing the three truths and lies game now.

Me: That's my idea. It's $66 for copyright infringements. if we presume you keep to the pact, you'd still owe me $33.

Yeo Yvonne: Fuck u.

Me: Harder baby.

Aeryn Yeoh already has a pending relationship request.

Someone's stealing you. Boo hoo hoo. :(

-

Cal stole my cap.

A camera for face. Really cool.

No lomo. Bad weather, as you can see.

Rude Boy. sex therapy.

I love the new Rihanna's Rude Boy MTV. After having watched it for countless times, I still haven't managed to capture the idea and the concept of it. Very interesting indeed. I wonder whether this works for me all the times, with the things going on around me, and with the people coming and leaving. I don't get bored of stuffs which are hard to comprehend.

This message is for that ball-less asshole, Desmond Wai Kah How:

You can continue to delete anyone whom we know, anyone so dear to me and is always near me. But let me tell you this, I've got the whole world on my side. Because I am right, and you are not. If you think I shouldn't do you grace by telling the whole world on what you have done, give me the green light and I'll start the ball rolling. I might even set your tiny warped little world come crashing down. And then, you might realize, the remaining 'connections' we have now might just start to look at you differently. The people around you listen to your side of the story, and the people around me listen to mine. After all, we are mere human beings, always trying to cover up our 'bad', and impress with our so called 'good'. However, the significant difference between you and me, is that I've got more balls than you. I am not afraid to face or deal with anyone. Your way of doing things just further prove you're guilty and ashamed - running away is your forte, your infinite unique characteristic which I have failed to see all along. A round of applause for your minimal amount of guts. I hope your next girlfriend don't find em too small. ;)

I have moved on. And I simply do not care anything concerning you ever since yesterday or the day before, I cannot recall. If I didn't hear from them that you deleted them, I won't even know. You're so childish for a 29 year old. It took me three weeks to get over this relationship. It really proves how lousy it was. And what a lousy man you are. I have you at my tiny finger Desmond. =)

I hope you screw your life up and I'll go rofl at your tiny brains.

-

I took my first photo with the lens cover on. I'm a good game! I can't decide between Ann Siang Road or Sentosa for the photography. I was thinking of getting a nice lanyard for the camera from either Tod's or Bottega. I told Grace and she exclaimed that my lanyard is going to cost more than the camera. Haha. I'm a material pot.

Stereophonics are here again! And I haven't got anyone who's going to go with me. What happen to you this bunch of so-called indie garang people huh?! I know I didn't attend Placebo's, but this is Stereophonics we are talking about man! Way old school darn it! Maybe I should ask Nory.

I'm getting dreamy again, did I tell you?

The mood is on. =)

P.S btw, why is everyone getting hamsters these days? Maybe I should get a couple or one for my guinea pigs as pets.

Holga.1

2.49am and counting down 4 hours of dreams.

I've purchased my first Holga today in pretty pink.

And I'm going to make my first roll significant by going to somewhere not familiar, yet nostalgic. This one place which I've left my traces and tears behind, sere memories dried.

It feels revitalizing to know I've picked up my bones again.

It feels good to know I'm back,

to the inner me, dear me.

Memories for comfort.

I've gotten a lot to write about today. Albeit my heart sank the moment I learned that Rocher has left us, so suddenly.

Today shall be a day of silence for we all mourn the loss of our dear friend, Rocher.

-

He, who has left us,

shall not be remembered by his death.

The memories he had given us,

shall be remembered that he has lived.

I want a sugardaddy. ;)

I've gotten tons of meet ups to do with friends.

You know that these are the real ones even though we haven't seen one another for a long time and they are still around.

Friends, who ever said that I have lesser friends?

I am yakking more than ever these days. I think the ego.loud wants to be heard. I am wondering when I will sneak back under again. Chrissy is always around, didn't I tell you this?

I want to go Sentosa badly, so I can wear my bling cap. That's the only driving force. Not the beach hunks because I fancy geeks, the intelligent ones.

The ice cream workshop was fun today. I made my own ice cream. The journey back home was cold and smooth. Cab drivers these days sure know how to tease.

I'm after all a very pampered girl.

Who's going to sleep me tonight?

Nobody.

since you've been gone,

i became nobody.

and i fell right back to my threshold,

of emptiness,

and hollowness.

a bigger void left,

i was abandoned.

alone i am,

ringing voices,

thoughts of you,

filled days of nothingness.

the hurt you inflicted,

reminded over and over again.

i do not know why,

and there's no one whom i can ask.

Your Woman.

Did I tell you? One very cute guy smiled at me yesterday? He's so good looking and his smile was so boyish. Only thing was, I forgot to smile back. I think I should learn to smile more often. :)

I was lavished with compliments recently from strangers. Someone I got to know recently told me I'm different, and I am incredibly interesting. I'm so sure of this.

Hanging out with the girlies today was fun with all the nonsensical trying-ons of clothes. Tracy ended up buying a top which I wanted to buy. Yvonne bought a straw hat for sentosa next saturday. I bought a nice zebra printed dress from River Island. Everything looks better when you are slimmer. That's so true.

So who's my future ex?

Intellectually stimulating one please. I shan't settle for less anymore.

-

I like this.

D... says (11:41 PM): and flights of angels sing thee to thy rest

Interlude

While she strode across the room, she was of no presence to anyone. The day was slowly giving way to another night of perhaps, mundane. Bent over at her favorite author, she recklessly took out the books which were available. She looked nervous, you could tell. And you know she's pretending to be still outside her cringing insides.

What both of them didn't know was that they are going to have their paths crossed again today.

He didn't think too much of this place. All he needed was some air conditioned comfort away from this heat. It was too much of a heat for a year coming to an end. He seated himself with a clear view of everyone in the room. A child sucked on her lollipop with her mother beside; her face was a blank. People at the nearby cafe were talking on top of their lungs, but no one seemed to be bothered by the din.

They have long forgotten about the pain they left in each other...

And as if, fate has a wicked sense of humor, she threw herself down opposite of him. Their eyes had once again, met and locked, after 3 years...

I'm a Chase.

My mental well-being was at stake. And like what we've always said, nothing and no one else matters as much as ourselves. I may sometimes appear to be really quiet. And that is because I am always trying to lessen the magnitude of my emotions outburst. Because after all, I am well aware that I am a very emotional person. But remember this, when I am attack, I definitely will retaliate.

Do not wish to insult or put down anyone in my god damn life because if I do, I am no better. I have seen all these when I was so god damn younger. And sadly, have to do it over and over again because that's how mankind likes to function. Maybe because, I am very normal after all.

Things ended up being so ugly, and neither any one of us could have prevented it. Anyone can hate me out there, not as if I do not hate myself any lesser for not being strong enough to control the way things turned out. Cruelty was what I received for the past week and because of my ever-shouting ego, I just had to put down someone's ego. I knew for sure, which direction those messages would have gone. I am, indeed, quite a thinker. Because if I am not, I won't end up in a psychiatric ward. I am not proud of it, I swear.

Nichol said it worries him that I am fully aware of my incompetence in handling my emotions.

*claps

Melvin did a very imaginative thing by drawing a blue box on the cover of "The Little Prince". He said that in another story, the blue box was used for time traveling. I then went on to imagine about a house on a hill, facing the ocean with no doors. Just cream colored curtains and a red bricked roof. The waves will sing you to sleep every night and the breeze will gently brush you awake every morning. Sunrise to keep you company over a happy breakfast and sunset to warm you and your love.

iTunes: "Des'ree - Kissing you"

P.S It is never my ability to hate anyone. This is just the way I am - silly. If I were to hate you, it'd mean I have never loved you. Which is definitely what you are doing now. You do not fathom. I do not insult myself. There are never true colors to a person, because we are always in a transition and so as long as there are epiphanies around.

There's no such thing as it's in your bones.

Maybe one day I'll learn how to hate.

-

You said, Love.

Do you remember?

You say, Hate.

Both extremes,

thus,

the in-coexistence.

Love,

do you measure it?

What as gauge?

Logical?

It is never.

Never is the word for you.

Lesbian Killer Vampires.

Classic. This morning I realized I have rashes all over my both arms.

Commuted to work and saw yet another classic. A pair of elephant legs wearing really short sailor skirt with high cut converse which the laces could not even be done for the top two holes. Seated at my eleven o'clock, I have not much of a choice but to stare at them because they were really attention seeking. I mean, really, there's no wrong about being confident and all, but hey? If your legs were just thicker than the usual, it's alright. But imagine! Total elephant can? If Deshole was still around, he'd laugh his fake balls off too. I inherited the art of criticizing strangers from him. Do not blame me for being this unlearned. And no, I am not spreading rumors about him. He's just this way. So adorable right.

My blog is getting so boring without pictures. =(

I've asked my besties to tanning this saturday to hook up random guys just to while a little time. I've officially declared my negligence towards my guinea pigs. And I swear upon my balls I will have their burrow cleaned by next Monday. Monday is the deadline or Tuesday I'll have no balls.

Dawn (my Scorpio sister) said based on a research done by a bunch of left handers, lefties die younger compared to righties because they are always using righties' equipments. She's a left hander. She finally realized that I have lost weight. I am so uber happy now because she hasn't just seen me for two days and she can see the differences. God, I feel a little tinier now and I yearn to be as tiny as a pea. But not my boobies. Thank you.

God I am so tired and I have to wake up for this stupid meeting tomorrow. Why!

I received an email from Nic and it made me smile although he sounded like he's typing a litigation document.

This afternoon I had a wicked thought, I thought of giving names for the boyfriends which I have really fancied before and this is the list. I mean no offense, ex boyfriend if you're reading this. Just for my own laughs okay.

1. Benstard (Bennett)

2. Aloyshit (Aloysius)

3. Deshole (You know. I can't type his name right now)

I've formed the word B.A.D. GOSH! It's an unsuspecting omen which I have failed to see!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! /happy

standing on, moving still.

I threw 3/4 of a hundred on books today. The feeling was awesome. No longer had to be nagged for buying books.

I sent an email to Nichol updating him about my recent on-goings, not remembering how busy his hectic schedule could get and felt really bad afterwards.

I went to facebook and saw jokes of my life. I really have to applaud adults these days. I myself may be one classic joke, but perhaps still, not so much of them.

I called Tracy and told her, she said she's going to enjoy the jokes with Jerry over some ice cream. And Jerry will sure laugh his balls off. She commented that my english has suddenly gone back to the standard it was before.

Yippies.

Jae was so nice to take me out today.

Who's afraid now?

I do not have a guilt conscience to live with for the rest of my life.

It always takes the two hands to clap when it comes to a relationship. For my most recent one, it was as good as a whole opera which came to an end, the whole hall applauded. So many people were involved, and it rhymes as good as the tragic Romeo and Juliet play, involving Capulet and Montague and cousin Mercutio had to die too.

I have a lot of resentment and anger within myself. And by reading more and more, I start to extinguish the raging fumes. Yvonne always chided me for having immature boyfriends who are younger than me. I had one four years senior, and? No comparison intended. But, I told Bennett this, "a lesser man than you when you were only twenty." Yvonne still hates Bennett, I wonder why. Haha.

I was never an unsecured person. I guess an evolution of a relationship has the abilities to turn someone into another person. Moving on is a fresh feeling. I feel cleaner now. It was a horrible relationship which I cannot breathe/voice freely. And I look forward to finding the feeling which I had when I first found that idiot.

This time around, unless I have that overwhelming feeling again, I will not just settle for less.

With thanks to Aeryn who helped me so much even though she agrees that those were my follies.

I was admitted to a psychiatric ward. It didn't scare the hell out of me even when the extraordinary ones were shouting and screaming and banging things in the middle of the night. Just felt that the people there were real, in fact, more real than anyone that I've known. They were at least, not pretentious at all. And I perhaps was the only one who was trying to pretend when I was in there - I do not wish to hurt my mother nor my sisters. I peered out of my window to the world outside whenever I laid awake. Crickets multiplied themselves at night, do you know?

I am Chrisma. It's my real name. I have made friends with the crazies recently, and had realised that there are crazier people out there in the real world.

Grace.

I don't wish to lie, but a lie can help save someone from pain.

I do not understand why, but for you,

I'll lie to the world.