I want to rant!

This is it! ENOUGH!

One more time.

I'm such a good friend I only emailed Nichol one week after his birthday.

I finally finished my first roll today! And shame to LSM for even asking me how are the photos.

I love Ann Siang Road! And this little park in the midst of everything, out of nowhere. I saw people taking photos of their Blythe Dolls and it reminded me of someone :(.

Dear God, why is there a pin on my heart?

-

One main omnipresent concern with moving forward has to be fear. Another beginning of a new phase will suggest necessarily adjustments and not to mention, changes. A whirlwind which changes direction, most of the times, we find ourselves caught and lost in it. At night when everything is all quiet and dark, we find ourselves sleeping to the ghost of whoever once slept beside - a haunting indeed.

Ugly girl smoking hatred in her fabulous

Superhero Me.

I'm duper lazy to dress up these days. I've been throwing on anything which first caught my eyes the moment I opened up my closet for the past few days. And why is it that I've been buying new clothes every month, without fail (mind you), and it seems to me that I'm always running out of stuffs to wear? Not only that, shoes, even. I have perhaps close to or more than fifty pairs of shoes, and it seems like they are never enough! A pair for whichever occasion or whichever outfit! So I went online and found this:

The blue and the nude look hot. Should I even think of buying another pair? When I have more than five pairs of shoes, left untouched, sitting nicely in my shoe cabinet?

I then went on to Zana, Garbage Dress, in hope to get some inspiration for what to wear tomorrow. It evolved to my stumble upon this website and I found this really, really me:

Sighs, wtfucka. And look at this:

Cute eh? It's actually a pair of leggings which gives you the illusion you're actually wearing only a pair of smoothies. Smoothies, yes, in other words, biker shorts. Thanks Reds for filling me out the other day.

/whines and makes a lot of noises

Vanilla Twilight

"No dignity and no pride. All she's left with is a psychotic mind that needs some real help. She can make him do many things, but one thing she cannot do, is make him tell her he loves her - without lying." -Lorraine

I stole the above from Lorraine's blog. Oh god, I'm such a thief. I think I stole a little of everyone's freedom, as being accused today. Apparently, this world is full of crazies. And I perhaps, happen to be one of them.

Today is a motherfucking Friday. Because it is going to be another day of staying at home, even though I don't have to work. And as of right now, the men around me, are a bunch of bores without much intellectual stimulation. So typical are them, I would rather talk to the wall or hang myself by the window.

The weather today is so beautiful. And sadly, Melvin has to book in for his guard duty - no possibilities of finishing my first roll. LSM assured me that films do decompose.

Faith.

I don't care where we'd end up;

I just know I want to go there with you.

And begin again.

Nat King Cole.

Does your reality make you someone whole? Or does it make you lesser than complete? Mine's slowly killing me. Which is why, I'm always choosing to close my eyes. For if I can't see, I should be able to keep myself alive.

Someone has once told me, that I'm too true to myself that it hurts him. Or more or less like that, I couldn't remember clearly enough. Does anyone really come close to feeling my bones? Do I even need to waste my time on any other skeletal? When your spine is just as good as his/her spine.

How is it possible for a 25 year old to be liking Nat King Cole? The vinyl, the old records, the holga camera, and everything in retrospection? Because in the sixties and seventies, everyone around you feel like humans. Passionate about lives, love and lust. Lust, you heard me, at least they weren't denying it.

I've been mad reading, the more I do, the more my heart aches. It was bittersweet and I couldn't explain it. So at loss I am for words, that I feel like crying. I had thought of writing a long letter to Andy, but do I really have to? Does anyone enjoy receiving letters these days? It was so intense, that it's melancholic and I'm turning sadistic. So much that it hurts, how do I even let you fathom it? Or are you able to?

I couldn't be wide eyed to another round of disappointment tomorrow. And my heart is telling me I will. I am the least priority. And forever I will be, alone in my own cold realm. I've heard a thousand of lies, and have come up with a million of em myself. Who is to tell me what's what and what's not?

I had seen and imagined a scenery unlike ones which I've remembered. It was quite empty, yet it felt like I was having everything. But these everything doesn't amount to the weight which they should deem hold. Something was inadequate, something was immaculately rid of. I do not have any slightest clue on why the hands of time only move one way and why going the other is impossible. I do not remember who I was four years ago when here I am trying to relive it. I'm too tired, to wake up every morning with this artificial faith the sunshine never fails to bring, yet only to be greeted by this kind of contradiction and confusion every night. I need a new life, but what do I need in order to transport myself to a new genesis?

What do you really know? Do you really know as much as I do? Do you think you know because you think your reality makes you a complete person?

If you give me whatever I want,

whatever I need,

I will give both to you.

This is my love guaranteed.

:)

Wednesday, I despise you.

You can't believe this. I woke up in the morning to realise I have a sudden throat infection. How I know it is one because I have the intellectual level to tell a throat infection from a sore throat. Quit forcing strepsils down my throat, it ain't going to work. I think I need antibiotics. Perhaps my sinus is acting up again. I think the french fries from Mac yesterday cut my throat. This is how delicate my lips, mouth, gum, throat are!

I can't sing (to irritate the guys at work). I can't talk properly. And I can't even swallow my saliva so I'm practically drooling all over the place, on my sheets, I'm wearing a bib, and I stink.

I'm so going to the company doctor tomorrow if I can wake up early enough. Ouch.

Ah! I feel so lousy.

..!..

L.O.V.E forever!

Christmas is approaching, let's begin the countdown. I can't wait. Gimme the turkey, ham and yummy log cake. And lotsa Christmas gifts. I should perhaps get myself an iPhone 4. I'm so sleepy now, that with every blink of my eyes, I am seeing images of the past. My mom is asking to go Mezza at Grand Hyatt for their buffet lunch. 108++ per pax is really not expensive. But for someone like me who doesn't take too much a fancy to anything raw, it somewhat suggests a hole in my comme des garcons purse.

Sometimes, it really does only require minimal amount of initiative to come up with an almost effortless gesture to make someone feel appreciated. I hate to say this because I'm a bitch, but I have to because my stomach is rumbling in tremor from McSpicy which I had for lunch in the afternoon. Now I feel like I'm trying to correspond with my old mobile number. Do not even bother to explain why, how or why didn't you. Because when this has been made history, nothing can be done to undo it, so there shouldn't be a need to call for further complications. The more you talk, the lighter everything weighs. So let's just close our eyes and feel.

Been following Butterfly's for so long and really, mine seem way too fair in comparison. I'm just like a virtual stranger yakking away nothing constructive and neither nothingness of absolute humour. I should start mad reading again. I deduce it aids in the writing.

My eyelids are bowling balls now. I'm going to chase my Zs. I wonder why Tracy has been trying to say things of extreme abstractness which no one could really fathom why she is trying to do so. Did you catch my subtle sarcasm? =D

I'm not exactly looking forward to tomorrow when I should. I guess I'm kinda hanging by a moment, and this moment it is.

Crying waves.

The waves cried tonight,

the winter birds came to sing,

a garden blossomed many fallen leaves.

Purple lightning came to strike,

your unheard thunder roared my ting-a-ling.

She, who wore a summer dress,

adored the impossibilities of things,

gave sudden hope and faith in everything.

-

Everytime I close my eyes I thank the Lord that I've got you,

and you've got me too.

Everytime I think of it I pinch myself cause I don't believe it's true,

that someone like you loves me too.