Crossroad

From the way this post is titled, I'm sure you with a good sense there, would have guessed that this post is about Boyz II Men's End of the Road song.

Nah, I'm kidding.

So in less than four months (that's right, not even half a year) I have once again met ANOTHER crossroad in my career. Which is pretty unlucky if you asked me but this is what I have to say...

FUCK.

Here's the story, I joined a local small start-up (even smaller than the one before the publishing big boy) and the deal was that I will be made a digital marketing pro in three months as they scale up in operations and blah blah in the later half of the year. Which I naively believe because I genuinely believe in the company and gave away 80% of my skepticism when I decided to put my signature down on the employment contract.

But wow, these past three months have been quite an eye-opener. As with any local startup, I went in with the mentality that I'm supposed to take on more than what I should and I was ready and up for it. But sadly, after about a month, I began to question whether there was any mentorship in place, training that was clearly fallen short of (I honestly didn't get briefed on the entire business strategy, operations and blah blah at all) and the existence of the light at the end of the tunnel.

In essence -- that's to say -- in about a month's time, I began to question myself and also, my initial judgement. Upon noticing this, I began walking into work every day with contempt and didn't actually look forward to it any more. Surprise, surprise. Just after one month.

But I sucked it up, and decided that I should be MORE proactive and take MORE initiative. So I requested for, an one-month check-in, a two-month check-in, weekly meetings with my boss and the rest of the team members, and also the department which I was supposedly to be working very closely with.

UNFORTUNATELY FOR ME, when end of September should have been my confirmation, I was asked to leave because:

1. They need someone with more experience who could act as the right brain of the team
2. My boss said it's not his capacity any more to train me
3. He said it's his failure

DAMN RIGHT IT IS.

Because I reckon I have:

1. Been honest about my lack of experience when I went for the interviews
2. Taken MORE initiative than anyone could have and determine my OWN JD, role, and responsibility
3. Requested for check-ins so as to find out about my progress and whether I've been measuring up to my expectations
4. Chaired meetings so as to promote transparency among the team

One thing here which I must mention is that maybe they find me a snob/stuck up/anti-social/introverted at work and I didn't fit in the culture. Because as I was weeping over this failed initial judgement of mine in front of my boss when he broke the news to me the other day, I asked him whether was there a possibility of me moving lateral across (for also formality's sake) and he answered no. This, I concluded that my existence in the co. wasn't welcomed at all and that they want to let me go completely.

Here's the story why I could have been portraying myself as a snob/stuck up/anti-social/introverted:

1. I am really bad at small talks
2. When I work, I work
3. Don't expect me to come to you with cookies cause I can't bake
4. I don't carry balls too

One thing for sure is that, in my previous employment, in all the roles that I had undertaken, NO ONE ever told me that I shouldn't pass my probation period. And let alone, ask me to leave.

On the contrary, I have always been receiving nothing but good appraisals from all my previous bosses. Just fucking ask.