Un-happy.

I'm possibly by far the most unhappy person you'll ever met in life. This is not to be confused with the most unfortunate person you'll ever meet. I'm saying this because it really seems I have everything but at the end of each day as I lie awake doing nothing in bed, all I could ever daydream about is to have a life that's rid of commitments, feeling, heartstrings. I am constantly dreaming about being somewhere alone out there, be it the wilderness or in space, where I can do nothing but just being still.

Don't get me wrong. I am not a Hollywood celebrity where I'm required to put on a facade every day nor am I a teacher of any sort where it's important I set myself as a role model. I'm just your average singaporean girl who lives next door, a plain Jane with nothing much to brag about. You could easily say I am one of those faces you won't spot in a crowd.

It seems that no matter how hard I try to be content with what I'm doing, I'll never be thoroughly happy. Many so often, when I'm religiously and duly carrying out tasks at work, I find myself asking "what for?" Corporate life doesn't enthrall me, neither does societal status. And I can't fit in to the society because I don't really give a hood if you're a manager or a director, neither do I care about that of myself. And so, I'm perpetually on the embarkation of questioning my existence every day.

I wished I wasn't born this way. That I could be a tad normal. I know I am unhappy in life constantly. But what is it I'm seeking to be a happier person remains unclear.

Can I really let go of whatever I have now to live alone in the wild?