She ain't you.

I don't exactly feel anything right now and neither am I occupied by any thoughts but I just really feel like writing. Maybe this will be an entry of pure randomness and it might not make sense to you, but I don't really care if it even make any sense to me at all.

I briefly went through my entries from 09 and I actually discovered something rather disturbing about myself. My writing has deteriorated. Long gone was the florid display of wordplay and that pompous tone. My vocabulary is stuck at where it used to be, if not took a downhill turn. Haven't I been reading? I have been. That's the thing.

Anyhow, I'm so sick of having to deal with men and their desire to try to get to know me. Not because I'm totally frozen inside but I think my bars are rather raised now. And it really takes a lot for me to notice you. I think I AM going to die a spinster. Doesn't really matter. Anyhow, if it's any comfort to myself (and you), I think I have a crush on somebody. Ridiculous it is, unlikely it seemed, but it happened. I am not too sure if I should tell him this? Sorry to disappoint you, it's not a her. But whatever. I just am not too sure if I should do anything at all. Cause I'm not really interested in another failure. Yes, this time around, I'm really scarred. Carl, you happy now? You managed to hurt me to this extent, push me to this far end where I lost all hopes in finding my Mr. Right. And I am not even remotely positive or confident that there is after all a Mr. Right out there for me.

Whenever I hear people say, 'your time will come. You will meet somebody right and meant for you,' I shutter. I tremble at the thought of that somebody being not good enough for me (anyone who knows me well knows that I get bored easily if you're not mentally stimulating enough) and I somewhat know that I could possibly be alone for the rest of my life? I mean, there are people who never got married, who's single and has three cats.