I love this piano piece by Ryuichi Sakamoto. It very well depicts the chaos amidst calm, much like how I'm always inside. Counting down to the big 31, I am beginning to feel I've lost the drive to seek better days for myself. I'm busy devouring whatever there's out there everyday in the digital marketing world. That seems to be the only thing I'm programmed to seek these days.
I no longer feel hyped about anything anymore. I don't remember waking up feeling I'm on top of the world. It seems, as I slowly wither, I lose myself too, bit by bit.
I do admit though, a big part of me is still living in the past. Making believe that I still go to Keppel Club, Sunrise Terrace and Snoop was still around. And when reality sets in, I could only hold all the pain in. I look indifferent on the outside, but little do people know that I'm in pain.
Why does everyone think I'm fine?
I'm not. I'm sad, lonely and most of the time I just feel like crying. But I keep telling myself not to. Because I'm well aware that being miserable isn't going to change anything. Happiness is a state of mind and not something to seek. Crying is only an amplified expression of pain and that the more you cry, the more weight it'd be on you.
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