You: my desideratum.

Aloysius.

"What goes around comes all the way back around."

let it hit you.

Happy Thursday.

I would like to show my tribute of abhorrence to Singaporeans.

There! Take my middle finger!!

Blessed.

I am very blessed indeed.

With lotsa friends around me who truly loves, unconditionally.

And I cannot possibly ask for more, anymore.

The Nonage.

The eventuality of a sere heralds the dawn of an inflorescence.

An unforeseen arrival of a subsistence in nonage intruded my genesis.

Unforgettable

I danced with the spirit of you to Nat King Cole's Unforgettable.

We spun around the hallway with our eyes lovingly locked.

I don't dedicate blogs.

It's 8:25 in the morning. The sky is crying itself into the beginning of a new day. I am a matutinal person. And surprisingly my brain works better with the scent of the morning grass. I always have this peculiar envy towards people who can sleep ten hours, twelve hours... whole day. I am incapable of pampering my body with ample rest.

As much as I thought I am in sync with my mind; I still don't know what I want. I tend to have this damaging power to destroy everything I want. Yes, I wreck things that I wish to possess, people I think I wish to be with. Destroy it, or them, and sulk and cry and fuck myself inside out at every post extirpation. I can't help it. I am just not in accord with myself yet. I think too much, far too ahead. I just can't afford to fall another time like how I tripped previously. It was a massive desolation for me. I have to protect myself. Yes, and be it being mean to you,(or you call it) toy you, fool you, play with your mind; I have to do it. I am apologetic. I am sorry. But believe me, I am really not as mean as you think I am.

Perhaps our own guise of phantasmagoria is just not going to happen at all, or perhaps it's already happening.

There are two sides to every truth.

And I hope the rightful side is soon to be vivid to the eyes.

Our tale... phantasmagoria

Mr Fingerme and Ms Fingeryou gave me a shock at work today. They had turned themselves into two little goldfishes because they wanted to try out swimming. I spent the afternoon with eyes fixed on them and felt that they were really happy playing with each other. The way their tails glissade in the water reminded me very much of Marilyn Monroe in the famous white dress. I played Nat King Cole's Unforgettable and cried a tear into the pool they were in.

Aunt took them home and I supposed they are swimming freely in a big tank now. My two imaginary friends left me today without bidding a decent goodbye...

Got me thinking.

The rain came and the loud massive splatter of it woke me up to the break of daylight. With eyes fixed on the falling rain, I can't help thinking of you. With each passing tick of the second hand, you feel yourself growing stronger. .

I am on my solitude own.
And I am very much self fulfilled and secured.

I did it.

J.K.S

I've totally forgotten to bring Mr Fingerme and Ms Fingeryou to Jiak Kim Street last night. The strange thing was I remembered I kept reminding myself to take them along. And which, however, both of them slipped through my mind in a whizz and I partied the whole night away while both of them stayed home to have their usual English Breakfast, trying to figure out why they could never be heterosexual.

Malibu.
I adore my Malibu Pineapple.
And that lil cherry oughtta be popped by me.
No one else!
Fack fack fack!

Saw Sheryl S and I didn't know how to react to her presence. Heh. And she just screamed " Iya. Just hug lah!" which I jumped into her embrace and too, hugged her warmly.

I love zouk.
In less than 1 hour, I got violated twice.

I made myself believed I was a Japanese and shoved my way around pretending to be really cute.
And on my receiving end; glances and smiles.

Plastics everywhere.
Even I got influenced.

Nevertheless, I still love zouk.

It felt like a dream. And I awoke pretty much to myself.

Rock a bye baby.

Mr Fingerme and Miss Fingeryou came by today. I had tea with them the English fashion and we had muffins, cupcakes and cookies. We were discussing about homosexuality and they confided in me that they were gays (which kinda explains their names).









And I swear you're just like a pill. Instead of making me better, you keep making me ill. KEEP MAKING ME ILL!!!!

I exchanged a hefty lot of 40 smses today. I think it's impressive.
Alloy is going to sleep me tonight. There isn't the word "with". I think he's going to sing a lullaby.

darlin.

I have really no words to express how I am feeling right now. Alloy coaxed me to sleep last night while he packed his mom's room. Then again, I woke up at 6am feeling alone. I hid in my blanket and felt real cold. I thought about the days ahead of me. I know I can beautify and colour them any way I want them to be. However, there'd always be a void left empty. My heart feels completely shattered and it somehow told me last night that it really wanted to stop beating. A plunge may do the job but then again, devastation may befall on so many around if I should take the leap.

Darlin came to me last night wiping away the tears on my cheeks. He plunged a sweet kiss on my forehead and whispered lotsa sweet nothings to me. He told me that he loves me but he can't be with me because he is dead. In fact, he told me he already died in Year 2005. B et al now, is just someone who bears an uncanny resemblance to him. And he had been posing as Darlin for the past two years, trying to love and care for me the way Darlin did, but he can never do. Darlin laughed at my stupidity and carelessness because I should have realised that he is not him the moment he stop caring whenever I cry. I begged Darlin to come back to me, and he gently shook his head and said that he would never be coming back. He stroke my face the way he used to and begged me to stop getting hurt by B et al. and to move on. He asked me to be brave and that I can get stronger knowing that he loves me and that he would always be there for me. Then he hugged me in his warmest embrace for the one last time and bade me farewell. Before he left, he had asked me to remember him for who he used to be, not the way he is now. Another sweet little kiss on my lips and he vanished right before my very own eyes.

I broke down into a million pieces and I struggled to piece myself back. I kept crying out to God and begged him not to take Darlin away. He said he is too busy with other more unfortunate being's prayers. I got afraid and I hid under my computer table for half an hour in complete darkness. I tried to close and open my eyes a million times, hoping that each time I open them wide, I would see Darlin in front of me playing computer games or eating like a glutton. I ran to my bed and tried to fall asleep in hope of waking up on a soft blue bed with James beside me.

When daylight came, I awoke and my white blanket acknowledged my presence. I tried to imagine that I'm walking through the black front gate, bypassing the garage, straight into the hall and took a small flight of stairs of two into the dining area. I pretended that I walked past that very antique looking mirror opposite of a long flight of stairs with green hand railings and into the little room at a corner. I put my bag down in the same manner every time I did and I removed my watch, earrings and slided the wardrobe door open and took out my usual PJs. I reached for my cigarettes and walked into the bathroom beside and smoked while I prepared myself for my shower. I walked into the room after the shower and took the green air purifier to the bathroom and poured away the filthy water. Then, I dropped more than ten drips of Eucalyptus aroma oil into the fresh clean water. I sat down on the blue bed watching either MTV or HBO. James caught my eye and he told me he wanted some attention. With James in my arms, I walked to the computer table and looked at the little fishes inside the mini tank. Then I turned around and looked at him who's playing games and asked,"Have you fed them?"

"No. You don't feed them ah. You every time feed a lot."