I have really no words to express how I am feeling right now. Alloy coaxed me to sleep last night while he packed his mom's room. Then again, I woke up at 6am feeling alone. I hid in my blanket and felt real cold. I thought about the days ahead of me. I know I can beautify and colour them any way I want them to be. However, there'd always be a void left empty. My heart feels completely shattered and it somehow told me last night that it really wanted to stop beating. A plunge may do the job but then again, devastation may befall on so many around if I should take the leap.
Darlin came to me last night wiping away the tears on my cheeks. He plunged a sweet kiss on my forehead and whispered lotsa sweet nothings to me. He told me that he loves me but he can't be with me because he is dead. In fact, he told me he already died in Year 2005. B et al now, is just someone who bears an uncanny resemblance to him. And he had been posing as Darlin for the past two years, trying to love and care for me the way Darlin did, but he can never do. Darlin laughed at my stupidity and carelessness because I should have realised that he is not him the moment he stop caring whenever I cry. I begged Darlin to come back to me, and he gently shook his head and said that he would never be coming back. He stroke my face the way he used to and begged me to stop getting hurt by B et al. and to move on. He asked me to be brave and that I can get stronger knowing that he loves me and that he would always be there for me. Then he hugged me in his warmest embrace for the one last time and bade me farewell. Before he left, he had asked me to remember him for who he used to be, not the way he is now. Another sweet little kiss on my lips and he vanished right before my very own eyes.
I broke down into a million pieces and I struggled to piece myself back. I kept crying out to God and begged him not to take Darlin away. He said he is too busy with other more unfortunate being's prayers. I got afraid and I hid under my computer table for half an hour in complete darkness. I tried to close and open my eyes a million times, hoping that each time I open them wide, I would see Darlin in front of me playing computer games or eating like a glutton. I ran to my bed and tried to fall asleep in hope of waking up on a soft blue bed with James beside me.
When daylight came, I awoke and my white blanket acknowledged my presence. I tried to imagine that I'm walking through the black front gate, bypassing the garage, straight into the hall and took a small flight of stairs of two into the dining area. I pretended that I walked past that very antique looking mirror opposite of a long flight of stairs with green hand railings and into the little room at a corner. I put my bag down in the same manner every time I did and I removed my watch, earrings and slided the wardrobe door open and took out my usual PJs. I reached for my cigarettes and walked into the bathroom beside and smoked while I prepared myself for my shower. I walked into the room after the shower and took the green air purifier to the bathroom and poured away the filthy water. Then, I dropped more than ten drips of Eucalyptus aroma oil into the fresh clean water. I sat down on the blue bed watching either MTV or HBO. James caught my eye and he told me he wanted some attention. With James in my arms, I walked to the computer table and looked at the little fishes inside the mini tank. Then I turned around and looked at him who's playing games and asked,"Have you fed them?"
"No. You don't feed them ah. You every time feed a lot."
Darlin came to me last night wiping away the tears on my cheeks. He plunged a sweet kiss on my forehead and whispered lotsa sweet nothings to me. He told me that he loves me but he can't be with me because he is dead. In fact, he told me he already died in Year 2005. B et al now, is just someone who bears an uncanny resemblance to him. And he had been posing as Darlin for the past two years, trying to love and care for me the way Darlin did, but he can never do. Darlin laughed at my stupidity and carelessness because I should have realised that he is not him the moment he stop caring whenever I cry. I begged Darlin to come back to me, and he gently shook his head and said that he would never be coming back. He stroke my face the way he used to and begged me to stop getting hurt by B et al. and to move on. He asked me to be brave and that I can get stronger knowing that he loves me and that he would always be there for me. Then he hugged me in his warmest embrace for the one last time and bade me farewell. Before he left, he had asked me to remember him for who he used to be, not the way he is now. Another sweet little kiss on my lips and he vanished right before my very own eyes.
I broke down into a million pieces and I struggled to piece myself back. I kept crying out to God and begged him not to take Darlin away. He said he is too busy with other more unfortunate being's prayers. I got afraid and I hid under my computer table for half an hour in complete darkness. I tried to close and open my eyes a million times, hoping that each time I open them wide, I would see Darlin in front of me playing computer games or eating like a glutton. I ran to my bed and tried to fall asleep in hope of waking up on a soft blue bed with James beside me.
When daylight came, I awoke and my white blanket acknowledged my presence. I tried to imagine that I'm walking through the black front gate, bypassing the garage, straight into the hall and took a small flight of stairs of two into the dining area. I pretended that I walked past that very antique looking mirror opposite of a long flight of stairs with green hand railings and into the little room at a corner. I put my bag down in the same manner every time I did and I removed my watch, earrings and slided the wardrobe door open and took out my usual PJs. I reached for my cigarettes and walked into the bathroom beside and smoked while I prepared myself for my shower. I walked into the room after the shower and took the green air purifier to the bathroom and poured away the filthy water. Then, I dropped more than ten drips of Eucalyptus aroma oil into the fresh clean water. I sat down on the blue bed watching either MTV or HBO. James caught my eye and he told me he wanted some attention. With James in my arms, I walked to the computer table and looked at the little fishes inside the mini tank. Then I turned around and looked at him who's playing games and asked,"Have you fed them?"
"No. You don't feed them ah. You every time feed a lot."
1 comment:
baby. this post brought back painful memories. evoke lots of hidden feelins i had in me. i thought i kept it well locked up. but i seriously felt the hurt and desperation. we've been deceiving yourselves for so long. i hate to cry. its hurtin so so much
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