We went feasting.

Got nabbed for eating ice cream during winter.

A dog affair between a sadist and a masochist.

And I swear I look like Cartman in my winter coat.

Camwhored while waitin for the big feast.

Then it's to SG for doctor, and back.

Perhaps.

She recumbent awake.

Flickering flames she eyes,

her mind is somewhere far away.

Dressed in her favourite black dress,

the belief of being black,

yet her heart's painted white.

Distantly, she hears hymns.

Alas, in her heart sings a requiem.

They have gathered, for the feast.

A soul held repose.

She whispers,

"Now that your rose is in bloom,

a light hits the gloom on the grey."

the same skies,

the same moon,

the same stars.

us, living by days,

the same patch of cloudiness.

the same ticking hands,

alas, distance never felt this empty.

I am a liar,

yet again, once.

Hi there. I am a ninja in pink.

It started as crankiness last Sunday. I didn't think much why I was acting this way, I soon realised that it's my body sending lil signals to my mind that I was going down. So it happened. My body is officially rejecting every minerals and nutrients I forcefully tried shoved em down my throat. I didn't know how in sync my mind is with my body until today.

I know I am far from becoming who I've always wanted me to be. Too far to be exact. But this one thing I know, is that I am changing. From the damaged mind I once had, to a brand new one. That morbid interest should never be included in my profile again, the blade shall never be raised again. Afterall, isn't what this soul vacation should be?

All thanks to the endless puking, I suppose I have thrown up every bad I had.

The weather now, the color of the sky reminds me so much of that evening... When Lisa Ono was playing, when it was dark, and lonely. Then I remembered what I was thinking, it's me. On what I have been through, and when would I be able to throw them all behind. I doubted my capability, not until this morning greeted me.

I very much wish to wake up to my family, but I knew what I was offered. The thoughts of laughter embraced me like a million gold dust sprinkled all over. I know I am loved no matter who I am, no matter what I have been through. I know me.

I started to ponder on dreams, how I have confused dreams with Life. Dreams of your own are for yourself solely to keep, and that dreams that everyone is giving us are just merely games of risks and chances. If I were to live in dreams created by you, would I be accused of being hypothetical? Or would you adore me because I am willing to be part of your fantasy...

I thought of my favorite thing to do back home. To sit by with my favorite tropical passion latte, to while time away while watching onlookers. To listen to the speeches they were having, to see those looks on their faces, to observe and to understand. I somehow feel now, that to understand everyone around us, is such taxing chore to do. That is, if that someone doesn't wish to be comprehended, no matter how much penetration, it's us who would end up being baffled. I will finally, put my mind to rest, and to let everything settles on me, instead of chasing them.

-Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart's Ave Maria

The same ambience now, without my bed, without my curtains, not within my comfort zone. No one there to tell me that dinner's ready, no squeals of hunger, no one to whisper I love you. Faith isn't something to keep. It's shared by two parties, and that when one is having, one is not, it becomes a mere word. I have Faith in myself and you, which I thought I have the ability to be forgiving, and I had thought it isn't one sided. The vital truth hits me. I have finally stripped myself of everything I once were with my crimson hands. The Time intertwined but yet, ticked us by.

My emotions and thoughts, crystal clear and calm as water. Alas, to great dismay, they are for me to seal up now; my heart.

I couldn't control the sleek eyes from watering, I stood rooted.

Mono.

I went to the doc today again. It's the third time of the week. She had wanted to inject me again and if I had the strength to run, I would have. So I gave her a miserable look...

The look on her face was so funny today.

I had to curb those lil giggles.

I climbed over a fence.

I heard laughters.

Words.

The nastiest a human brain could even make up.

They damage and kill.

And when they are made flesh.

Based on memories.

Stood in the middle of everything

Passes so quickly

Cars, not trains

Strangers, and mere mortals

And I stood and kicked out each step

Every laughter I have had

Every faces that I know

Clouded my thoughts

I felt so alone

Seclusion aroused

Secured in my own world

That I felt

Solitary trees, if they grow,

Grow strong.

Macau.3

Photos! Sorry guys! Didn't walk around Macau! These are what I have, the rest are all in videos. ^^

Converse all around Macau.

Taipa actually.

Syndicate busted! We specially arranged those notes and took this photo to mimick those in crime watch. LOL.

It's been almost a week here. And I must say, I am getting used to living here. Though work hasn't really started officially, but I am assigned to the busiest lobby in my hotel next monday! Which is like... DUHZ! /mimicks Duty Manager Gary I swear I am the clown when I mimick every lil gestures of his man! The guys love it!

Met new friends. We've had laughs. New faces everywhere, My hotel is this massive till we have over 200 over nationalities working together. As for the number of employees, I ain't sure. But Gary mentioned that the departments don't coordinate with one other. Big problem eh! /sighs I seriously wish Gary to be my mentor man.

Beyonce is here to perform in the 15,000 seat arena! Very disappointed I couldn't get any free tickets to watch her! /Arghhhhhh

I think I was right on saying when there's no love, there's no pain. Hah.

I would never know what I would be able to achieve unless I step out of my comfort zone isn't it?

And it's my off tomorrow! Off to China, here we go!

[edit]

I derive that the people here are total worse than bullcrap.

Chinese are the rudest people on earth and they should belong to Pluto.

P/S I am a chinese. Yes I know!

ARGHHHHHH!

KILL KILL KILL!

Macau.2

Fifth night at Macau. And I swear I am a shivering hen already. The wind here is crazy. And the people here is... OMFG. Seriously when I mentioned to my temporary duty manager that the service standard here is bad, he said that there's no standard at all. *He is a hongkie. You must have thought I have the audacity to even say something like that, but seriously, I am not lying, he sweared curses like fcuk, bullshit, asshole while he conducted our training.

Ah, the only thing which I think my hotel's great is the food served at the staff canteen. It is an international buffet at breakfast, lunch and dinner. I should be losing weight hey! And yes, though Macau may look really down and slumps-like, the stuffs here are pricey. It's the same as those in Singapore and the only thing cheap is the ciggies! To even want to quit smoking here is like insanity can. It's only 17 buckaroos in MOP. Which means it's less around 3 bucks SGD? Huh... To eat here is more expensive than smoking okay.

Okay. My cantonese still sucks. Though I can pronounce the 6 tones for the words, but I can't phrase what I had always wanted to say in a full sentence. /sulks


I miss Singapore.
Everyone.
Everything.

Esp my baby.

Macau.1

depressing,

solitude,

seclusion.

loves.

faith.

pray.

baby.

only person who knows.