The surly season has hit Singapore again. But hey, Christmas is just around the corner. We should all perk up and wait for this lovely (favorite of mine!) day to arrive. Past years' Christmas was spent with my dearest ex lover who is much of a Casanova wannabe now. Hah. Sorry DG. Speaking of which, he is such a nutcase that he thought I still meant ba[B]y when I called him B the other day. To just dampened his ever-growing ego, I had explained that my text was exceeding one, so just typed B. Frankly speaking, his initial's a B wat! Wth. I offered to exchange prezzie with this Nutcase and he was like saying... Okay, but my prezzie would be less than 5. How realistic can this guy get?
I look at things at different angles. I reckon I am made this way, not because I am really designed to inflict my morbid fascination onto my thoughts. Been such a little girl for so long, I think it's time I grow up. I should grow up. And still act young at the meantime. Hah.
Like what this special person has once said, there are more to love. Though we tend to be clouded by this very word, we should try to look at things the bigger picture way all the time. Sometimes, love just ain't enough isn't it? We made mistakes, said words we never meant to mean, we do not fathom the gravity behind these words. They could carry pain, hurt, joy, or perhaps just hollowness. And I, as a human, I do have my fair share of mistakes. Mistakes I wish I never had done, mistakes that I still feel regretful up till this day. But I am just learning. Learning to be responsible for my own actions, and words that I have once carelessly said. So Karma isn't only about one party cheating on one party hey! Sighs. It's always too late to do something about something isn't it?
I have no idea why I am so composed now. I did bawled like a little kid who lost his favorite teddy bear a moment ago. I guess, I am normal. I picked myself up, took a long shower, and started to see things which ain't warped in my world. I do not blame, nor do I point my lousy finger. It takes two hands to clap for all the things that have happened. I know I play a major role for the way things turn out today. And he is just the supporting cast. To keep harping on how difficult it is for two out of 9 billion to meet and fall in love is a sentimental thought. I am not the only one in this world. I am just a little pea out of 9 billion peas. The thought of losing him may hurt now, but hey, we've all been through this. And we know that Time will prove everything. Doesn't matter who's right/wrong, who's done more, who's given more. The only thing which matters, is that it once existed. Goshie, I sound so positive now I think I am disgusting myself. I need to puke.
The pain of truth, we find it hard to shake that all the time. I don't like to quote cliches because I feel that they are way too overused. So I never allow myself to even say what won't kill you would only make you stronger. I believe what won't kill you would only make you funnier. Hah. And they usually says, when God closes one door, He opens up another. I thought "When God closes one door, He tends to slam the rest in your face." sounds perky and quite real. I don't mean to be pessimistic. I just thought I would be realistic for once. C'mon. Life isn't always a bed of beautiful roses. You never know what seeds God accidentally (perhaps on purpose) planted. Being too optimistic doesn't help you to grow at all. It just hinders your progress of being sensitive. Duh!
The world is full of ugly things that you can't change. Pretend it's not that way, is my idea of faith.
The very fact that I know I'll live, is the only thing I would need now to look forward to the future. Meanwhile, I will still attend my medicals. To rid myself of Chrissy, and never let her come back into my life again.
Okay I am so sleepy now. Time to cuddle pillows!
=)
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