I know, you must be wondering why do I have two posts of such different wavelengths in one day. At least I am wondering. My switch of frequencies and the change of this sacred chamber surprised me at times. But I am getting used to it.
I have realised I have stopped reading horoscopes' readings for a while. It just crept upon me that I am all that should be read and understood by myself. My little gestures... the way I speak, I speak for myself.
I have his photo on my desktop and I am listening to Stereophonics now. I had his name searched on Google, not having the intention to stalk or whatever, I just needed to know he is doing well. Which is definitely uncalled for, because I have always known he'd do well, whichever transition he would be in. The outcome of the search turned out futile. There wasn't any way I could have found out.
I recapped my previous posts and I am disappointed by this caliginous hole right before my eyes still, after having blinked for more than a million times. I see nothing.
It has been a year, indeed.
Things were a lil different when I had Bennett walked out. I picked up pretty soon and fine. Weirdly, I couldn't come up with any explanation why do I still feel this way towards him. The span of time I was with Bennett was more than a tad longer than the period that I had my path crossed with him. I didn't cry as much for him as I had for Bennett. And there were more fond memories with Bennett playing his role out as compared to beautiful images of him casted. My memory bliss of him turns out to be quite melancholic. And I couldn't stop living this way, thinking about him. Quite a sadistic torment. And Shakespear would have been the only piece of wisdom I deem need.
I have been having the chances of chancing upon him. We were always so near, but I suppose fate has its reasonable amount of pranks. Well, I wouldn't have known what to do if I were to see him one day. Perhaps he might be even holding onto someone and I do not wish to have myself living in this daze, not even for a minute.
A friend of mine asked would I ever forget him. I told her I will always carry him to my deathbed. It is so intense and I am certain of this fact. Even if we were to start all over again someday when God decides to play nice, I will love him this same way when I haven't got him. But I know, we will never be a fairy tale. Our scars and shadows were heaven turned hell - too ethereal to believe and too painful to remember.
Did we lose ourselves again?
Do we take in what's been said?
Do we take the time to be
All the things we said we'd be
And we bury heads in sand
But my future's in my hands
It means nothing
It means nothing
You can find yourself a God
Believe in which one you want
'Cos they love you all the same
They just go by different names
When we fly our flag today
Are you proud or just ashamed?
It means nothing
It means nothing
And the sun sets in the sky
You're the apple of my eye
If the bomb goes off again
In my brain or on the train
I hope that I'm with you
'Cos I wouldn't know what to do
It means nothing
It means nothing
It means nothing
It means nothing
It means nothing
If I haven't got you
If I haven't got you
If I haven't got you
If I haven't got you
Aloysius.
1 comment:
Stereophonics is really nice..missed their show when they were here :(
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