standing on, moving still.

I threw 3/4 of a hundred on books today. The feeling was awesome. No longer had to be nagged for buying books.

I sent an email to Nichol updating him about my recent on-goings, not remembering how busy his hectic schedule could get and felt really bad afterwards.

I went to facebook and saw jokes of my life. I really have to applaud adults these days. I myself may be one classic joke, but perhaps still, not so much of them.

I called Tracy and told her, she said she's going to enjoy the jokes with Jerry over some ice cream. And Jerry will sure laugh his balls off. She commented that my english has suddenly gone back to the standard it was before.

Yippies.

Jae was so nice to take me out today.

Who's afraid now?

I do not have a guilt conscience to live with for the rest of my life.

It always takes the two hands to clap when it comes to a relationship. For my most recent one, it was as good as a whole opera which came to an end, the whole hall applauded. So many people were involved, and it rhymes as good as the tragic Romeo and Juliet play, involving Capulet and Montague and cousin Mercutio had to die too.

I have a lot of resentment and anger within myself. And by reading more and more, I start to extinguish the raging fumes. Yvonne always chided me for having immature boyfriends who are younger than me. I had one four years senior, and? No comparison intended. But, I told Bennett this, "a lesser man than you when you were only twenty." Yvonne still hates Bennett, I wonder why. Haha.

I was never an unsecured person. I guess an evolution of a relationship has the abilities to turn someone into another person. Moving on is a fresh feeling. I feel cleaner now. It was a horrible relationship which I cannot breathe/voice freely. And I look forward to finding the feeling which I had when I first found that idiot.

This time around, unless I have that overwhelming feeling again, I will not just settle for less.

With thanks to Aeryn who helped me so much even though she agrees that those were my follies.

I was admitted to a psychiatric ward. It didn't scare the hell out of me even when the extraordinary ones were shouting and screaming and banging things in the middle of the night. Just felt that the people there were real, in fact, more real than anyone that I've known. They were at least, not pretentious at all. And I perhaps was the only one who was trying to pretend when I was in there - I do not wish to hurt my mother nor my sisters. I peered out of my window to the world outside whenever I laid awake. Crickets multiplied themselves at night, do you know?

I am Chrisma. It's my real name. I have made friends with the crazies recently, and had realised that there are crazier people out there in the real world.