Yesterday is here.

A sorry Sunday awaits, unkind to give me the drive to see through the finales of all assignments which will soon be due and generous with giving me waves of churning insides (once again).

I've again become the victim of the very own games I play (nnb). Why do I hypothetically believe I have the power of control in every thing all the time? If there is, destiny won't even be a state of comfort for many. Mental note: alter cognition and please, if you want to play games, don't friggin bring the ball to emotional court.

I am not a self-proclaimed paradox, I don't consider myself to be. I am easily readable and I always wear my heart on my sleeves. I say what I think most of the times, be those words be in a beat-about-bush fashion, they all relate to what's on my mind. I do have the ability to find out what I want to know through asking some other questions that are not related and you won't even notice, do you know that?

I dread the thought of myself crumbling again. And yet, I am aware I have the dirty desire to. Fire is not meant to be trifled with and the risk-taker in me wants it. It yearns for the burning sensation on the skin and hews to the flesh. This sadist that lives within us longs for pain, agony and all that melodrama. All in the name of that fleeting moments of completeness, feeling of fulfilment and most of the time, make-believe happiness. Shakespeare isn't the father of wisdom for a reason! Florid his words are, they ensconce trickery and dupe the young minds into believing what is grand and naturally right. Natural was never made grand. It is a state of stillness that delivers grandeur just by being itself.

Ever-changing scenes and the life now are not granting me grace. Where art thou Chrissy?

deAr_gOd - what kind of machine have you created out of me? It's been 7 friggin years since we knew each other, 5 friggin years since we left each other, 4 friggin years since we last saw each other. 2 years of crazy love and together is enough. You don't have to haunt me this way now, please.

Just for fun, I decided to post something here of a long forgotten ex bf who happens to resemble Jay Park (go cry girls). Hi Alloy, I don't know how you're gonna react if you see this, but hey, fanning your ego here (always have been ;)) so don't go hating. xxx