Mark Salling

If you look like this, and you can/are:

Sing,

Dance,

Very Intelligent,

Speaks good english,

I WANT YOU!

Great Expectations.

Equipped with nothingness on hands except for time, I'm attempting to write something of absolute surrealism which of course, makes no sense, to some that is.

When the rain came almost abruptly this early morning, strong winds were howling at their loudest. And like a romantic, I stood where I stood, when everyone was fast asleep, I lit up a cigarette in the midst of it all. I felt the winds vigorously sweeping through the gaps of my fingers, every strand of my hair. I felt complacent at the thought of the sight of me standing under the sky before it rained. The crimson skies on me, my feet on the ground, everything which I was unsure of myself came to a realization again. That me, was such a love, and I do love myself, and it's not anyone's fault that they don't, because they do not know me. Or perhaps, like what some has said, that I'm too hard to fathom in order to be loved. I will not forget this moment.

The almost touching lips, you could have been much more than a dream. Alas, you are a reality, but a reality which I could not hold onto. Because my ticking minutes are precious, and we do not and won't walk well on each's path. So I have to bid you goodbye here, once again. Let it be another three years if it shall cost. Your simplicity interests me, at the same time, it bores me. I can't understand the complexity within your portray of simplicity. That, I do not say you are not bright. That I meant, perhaps not my field of studies, neither my league to love. I didn't wish to kiss you, because I was unsure what would have come after just one kiss. I need someone more, someone whom quite a lot thinks like me, functions more logically than me. That I've yet to known any, who is capable of protecting myself from me.

I feel as if I have so much to do, on a more noble note for this world instead, all the times.

Very so often, the life of an artist is short-lived. Their emotions were often over intense that loving themselves evolved to a submission to their own fantasies and indulgence in their own emotions - narcissism, depression, rather than caring for their basic needs - the human touch with people, behaving like a normal moral being, and think like one.

You can always read me like a book, but I would never tell you that to completely understand this book, you would have to observe the spine first. That again, is perhaps another forte of mine, lying.

I want to dress up for the winter;

and listen to the silence,

where snowflakes fall on a hot stove,

in a whim, it burns,

-alluring.

Perfect.

My solitude is perfect.

When I'm alone,

just being me,

shines.

At least, that's what I think.

=)

Carpe Diem.

One thought which came to my mind this morning was, "Fuck, I think I ran out of cigarettes". I seriously have no idea how I managed to pull through a month (I give credit to my inner strength) of not smoking. Smokers are cool people, because we do not actually use the fact that we're non-smokers and feel a hypothetical superiority over smokers. That's for you the non-smokers and always kpkb-ing about us, smokers. We are paying more taxes than you, so shut the fuck up. Below is a list of activities which I strongly feel cigarettes should always play a part in.

Clubbing

How can you drink and not smoke at the same time? Have you ever seen someone sipping vodka and running on a threadmill simultaneously?

Coffee

The another which I cannot fathom why cigarettes shouldn't be involved. How the fuck do you sit around starbucks all day with one or two friends, yakking non stop and not smoke? Don't go telling me how the coffee and cigarettes are going to stain your teeth. Because as of now, my teeth are so pretty and white compared to most of the non smokers around me. What I'm trying to convey is, if you happen to be a little aesthetically handicapped inside your mouth and you aren't a smoker, then you should really reflect.

Mugging

Enough said, I would rather be smoking while mugging than to feast on snacks.

After sex

This is crucial - the first smoke after you got your orgasm. This is ritualistic because nicotine has the ability to calm your nerves down. Or if your partner behaves like a dead fish on bed, having a smoke after, gives you 10 minutes to decide whether or not to dump her.

Suntanning

The sun, the sand, the sea, the ice cold beer, the cigarettes. Enough said.

Does not smoking actually makes one healthier? Is smoking really associated with cancerous diseases? I have so many relatives who passed on because of some cancer shit, and they don't smoke. Not smoking doesn't actually prolong your life and not all who died of cancer smokes. If you're fucked up, not smoking does not make you any better.

I am not trying to be discouraging if you're quitting smoking. For the non-smokers who accepted the way we smokers choose to lead our own damn lives, you're just alright the way you are. Don't be some cultural baby and go around dissing the smokers. And for the globe lovers, don't go around disseminating that smoking does aid on the damaging of the ozone layer. This is fucking hilarious. Please compare the size of a fucking stick to one industrial chimney. I use a recycle bag whenever I shop and I smoke, what does it make me?

Now a note to us, the smokers. Don't be rude and go blow in someone's face. I assure you that the only blow which won't piss them off, is a blowjob. Please stay pretty while smoking, don't go behave like some lousy ah lians. Please refer to Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany's. Do not act cool and flick butts wherever you go please. How I remain fine-free till now? I play by the rules.

Life is really short to be refraining from everything. You would never know when a major flood decided to hit Singapore and kill all of us. Why can't we all live the way we want for ourselves and quit being cultural-fed? =)

*chrissy is 25, and she has been smoking for 12 years. An average of 7 sticks per day, she still has her teeth intact, white and very nice. She has no wrinkles yet. Her fingernails are always very pretty because she bothers to take care of them. As for her lungs, they are still proven to be functioning quite properly whenever she hits the dance-floor. If you have never seen the way she dance, you can ask around.

I feel really sorry for every nasty I've said.

Before I deleted every fucking photo of yours, I had this epiphany.

It really hurts me to hurt you this way, but because this is how you hurt me, I will cut myself just to make you bleed.

Basement Jaxx - Romeo

/totally adore this song.

All The Above.

I'm going to get back to what I was before, and even better this time around.

So I've decided, to join California Fitness!

Just watch how I'm going to transform to such splendor that if you look at me, you would even feel like crying. Okay. Perhaps this is exaggerating, just let me, hush!

This fitness consultant (who was kinda hot himself) told me I still look great now! =D (of course please!)

Bye bye chocolates, ben & jerry's and cheezels! Hello, me, lotsa honeys and money! I won't even care how empty I might feel at the end of every night, why should I if it's a Chanel I'm hugging to sleep?

So just let the losers be amongst the losers, I shan't even bother or give a second look.

Notes for the day

"She looks as if someone just shat on her face." - Dylan *I laughed out loud*

"Is your bf dead already?" -Aisha Reds *very*

And which bitch? Me. I'm the bitch you should be afraid of. Because when I'm determined to do something, I go all out to achieve it, whichever way at my convenience.

This is my ego, and I'm letting it speaks, for now and as long as you would remember me.

"There's something different about you now."

"Age, I guess. Stopped competing with the super hot chicks."

Ahhh...

Maybe it's time to shine again. ;)

Just revert to three years back, and perhaps I will have the whole world again.

If I give myself what I want,

I will be different.

I know.

Attacked.

Behind this beautiful mask, is perhaps a wrecked mind, which needs help but too afraid to seek.

-

seeing stars oh so glittery,

like shame filled with glisten

flutter around the wings of a butterfly,

that's a beautiful mind for you

say its beautiful but fucked up,

but if it wasn't, how do you see it as beauty

if every is just of norm

is this how beauty should stand out

we, the strangers dance by the killing moon

falling into danger now and so often

we, who let our hearts be opened,

let you in it, makes it solvent

kills me blindly,

makes me breathless

makes me see stars

and want to love you more than ever.

New Born.

I had a rather queer conversation with someone whom I don't really know. I do not mean I am anti social or stuck up (perhaps, most of the times) but it's really queer because I do not understand why would someone even want to make such minor effort over me, which is a nobody as of right now.

"Which are you more comfortable with, English or Chinese?"

"I do both."

"No no, you tell me which one. So it's easier for me to converse with you in the future."

(in my mind, "hmm? we hardly ever need to talk actually.")

"I really am okay with both. -smiles-"

Actually, more English than Chinese, really.

Okay. Dylan says he's going to get me a birthday present and I shan't even tell him what to do.

Let's just see! Don't even think of running! I will chase!

Summerboy.

Is my life a screw up still? Say, apart from sleeping around, sleeping behind one's back, apart from the druggies, apart from senseless drinking, why do I feel that it's still inadequate? I'm striving to attain another level higher when I know this level is going to leave me craving for more. In fact, greedier than ever. Is there anything wrong with my moral upbringing? Or is it just in me? Tsk. Something to reflect on. Something is wrong with me, must be.

I have an ego loud enough to be seen, and a void not vivid enough to be understood.

Why are the summer rainy?

And the December sunny?

But it's all good,

because I adore the weather.

As much as December

when it's not sunny.

Last year's,

thank you des.

This year's,

Thank you, me.

I love Fashion!

Latest prized collection:

Denim Bomber Jacket (intends to wear with leggings, Shasha suggests white shorts)

Skull scarf vest (goes with ANYTHING!)

-

Yay! Basement Jaxx for the fashion you!

One person told me that I'm a lambo, argumentatively, someone prefers me to be a vintage VW beetle. I'm either a tramp or a prude. Paradox indeed.

For the record, I have managed to pay off my credit card bills and mobile's. Not to mention, my monthly contribution to the household, and guess what? I realize I still have some money for the air ticket to BKK in October! Please babes, let us settle the air tickets before I start shopping again. It's really agonizing for me to reject the urge to step into Zara. This year's E.O.S shall be the first which I do not buy anything from Marc by Marc Jacobs. But how about the navy blue dress which I really fancy from us? How about the bag from Kate Spade? Birthday presents anyone please?

Am going shopping with the beauties tomorrow to guess where? Far East Plaza. How unlikely! But if this is the only way which we can shop to satisfy our desires to own more, then let this be the only place where we shop at. Thank God and Amen.

I'm going for a new change, which is, I shan't pile up more clothes to even attempt to snap my clothes rack now. Like what mom had commented, I have only one body, two boobs, one week has only seven days, and I'm not a caterpillar, why is that I have so many clothes and shoes? Hmm... Perhaps I shall start splurging on bags instead.

Now let's do a quick run,

• Marc Jacobs pouch
• Marc by Marc Jacobs sling bag (Miss Marc - courtesy of Desmond Wai)
• Marc by Marc Jacobs (small tote)
• 2 Longchamp le pliage
• Marina Rinaldi (cruise bag)
• DKNY canvas (beach bag, which is really dirty now)
• DKNY clutch (which is oh so Valentino)
• 2 from Diesel
• Goyard (psst)
• Marni
• D&G (oh so punk rocker sling)
• Club Monacco (patent leather document bag)

Okay, perhaps not.

Blue Monday.

A rapture of thoughts propelled me to even start this but it's not a cakewalk to piece every fragments of broken emotions together as of right now. So just bear with me, and read me as much as you can.

Rain, come. Because you're silently beautiful in your own way. And I need your beauty to do me grace tonight.

If life is about a series of counting downs, I wonder whether am I counting down to the end of a span of misery or happiness. What I've learnt through a series of unfortunate events and misfortunes which managed to befall on people around me, is that putting on a brave front most of the times make me a happier person. Vexatious it is, alas, what do I do? I emailed Nichol my concerns, and he told me that being thoroughly immersed in it, he enjoys the feeling. Should I address this as a pretense? Or would it be an act of strength? I don't know, and all I know, is I don't care.

I love my hobby. I love toys in some sense. And the upkeep of it is sure not cost effective. If it's a miserable amount of money to spend monthly in exchange for my tiny pangs of happiness, I don't see any reason why I should disapprove of myself. At least when I'm fully into it, I know I am complacent for that moment.

Rain. You are approaching, I hear you. Why won't you do me some grace?

I can't think. And I don't wish to. The only thing which I should most probably think right now, is how to make myself so desirable, that even a blind could tell my ugly from my beauty. I do not lie, we are in love with our own sins most of the times.