Blue Monday.

A rapture of thoughts propelled me to even start this but it's not a cakewalk to piece every fragments of broken emotions together as of right now. So just bear with me, and read me as much as you can.

Rain, come. Because you're silently beautiful in your own way. And I need your beauty to do me grace tonight.

If life is about a series of counting downs, I wonder whether am I counting down to the end of a span of misery or happiness. What I've learnt through a series of unfortunate events and misfortunes which managed to befall on people around me, is that putting on a brave front most of the times make me a happier person. Vexatious it is, alas, what do I do? I emailed Nichol my concerns, and he told me that being thoroughly immersed in it, he enjoys the feeling. Should I address this as a pretense? Or would it be an act of strength? I don't know, and all I know, is I don't care.

I love my hobby. I love toys in some sense. And the upkeep of it is sure not cost effective. If it's a miserable amount of money to spend monthly in exchange for my tiny pangs of happiness, I don't see any reason why I should disapprove of myself. At least when I'm fully into it, I know I am complacent for that moment.

Rain. You are approaching, I hear you. Why won't you do me some grace?

I can't think. And I don't wish to. The only thing which I should most probably think right now, is how to make myself so desirable, that even a blind could tell my ugly from my beauty. I do not lie, we are in love with our own sins most of the times.