All nuts.

I was having a throbbing headache which was so much like a colony of ants having a Jamaican fiesta in my head. So intense was the pain that I have trouble putting my mind to relaxation. My limps felt so much like decaying wood and I had to struggled my way to get a shower. I popped a paracetamol and practically stuck a bottle of medicated oil into one of my nostrils. None worked. So I synced myself with my body like how you sync your iPod with iTunes. Plugged in - my body prompted me to get something to eat.

This is not a lie. And like a miracle, after having a peanut butter sandwich and a hot milk tea. The headache went away almost instantly. Sounds like it's rather impossible but it remains factual. The thing about me understanding my body in such a manner is amazing.

3:32am - at this time when everyone should be sleeping, here I am carelessly and rebelliously typing words. Echoes of words from the strangers downstairs hover the cold and still night air; no cats tonight. The homeless must have eaten up all the cats in this district - they are homeless, and naturally no food to eat.

My sister is a tad way better than me at handling everything. And without her giving me advice and suggestions to every decision-making scenarios I have faced, I would have been intertangled up in my own strings of problems and drowned in my sea of troubles. So to Dawnie - you're the best. And I love you so much that I want to keep you as my pet.

I have lost track of time. I am wandering around this desert without my own compass. So naturally, by the time I got out of it, I would have been dead. I would be dead because either the one who snapped out of my own idealism will not be me. Or that could be I intentionally lost myself being my own pilgrim until the day I got onto my deathbed - too late to do anything by then. You could say I almost abhor the idea of me. Because I am so fussy with facades, and I have no idea which one to settle down with. Okay, here's what I would do. I shan't make do with any. I will come up with a brand new one, one which is of the norm, easily reachable and ultimately deprived of creativity.

Now, waiting for the break of dawn to pour down onto my world makes me a more impatient being. I want to send out resumes, reckon it's not nice sending out in the wees, what would the recipients feel if they saw the time? My regret for not wanting to stay in school evolves to my earnest mean to get recognized now, propelling me to take a longer route to which they call it 'success'. No kidding my english doesn't suggest I was out of school at a tender age but no way it is better than most too. Life's a bitch. I wonder if I start going to church now, will He show me the way to a bigger house.

*

Baby, I am sorry. I might not be the sanest around. But rest assured, I am trying hard to be better in every flawed ways of mine, a little each day.