It just suddenly struck me again today that I have really lost him.
I woke up feeling kinda okay nowadays. I can feel myself breathing. And I thought thy heart isn't hurting anymore. However, to great dismay, I realised it's totally numb. Or rather, I should say I am in a state of shock.
Can't help missing him. But then again, I know I can't. There is simply no point in doing so for there's no way I could ever make my feelings known. A change of role, a switch of status - that's what I am now. Insignificantly invisible. He hinted that I am partly responsible for the way things turn out today... But what the hell did I do? Whatever it is, I know he is avoiding me as if I am a million-dollar-bucks-owed creditor. He just loathes me.
I reminded myself of the humiliation I had received. And I start to finally feel sorry for myself. Why on earth would I even let someone bring me down this way? If he loved me, he won't even let his folks threw insults at me as if I am valueless. When I called his house the other day and to my great disappointment, it's his mother who answered the phone. She sounded as if she was ready to charge at me with a hand dagger (if she's a ninja) or a kitchen knife. Am I really that detestable? I am still deeply missed by my past relationship's mother, er hello? I am also very greatly loved by my friends' mothers, er hello?
And if he really did loved me, would he even let me wait whole night alone? So many, just far too many, decisions he made to validate this very fact that he had never loved me before; he had never treated me and respected me like a human being before. Pause you who are reading this, can you picture yourself putting up with this kinda disrespectful treatment but still clinged on to a relationship in which you long foresee no future in it but still do because you believe in "Love will find a way"? I think it does find a way for itself, not when it is one-sided.
I have to accept that: He is the one who wants to give me up, He wants nothing of me but just a mere passing phase, He just wants to throw everything we've once had away because there are greener pastures in NUS. Oh.. H. Thanks for knocking some bloody sense into me. On which earth, would which guy be able to resist the temptations of more girls, many girls, a lot of girls? Your friend ever since sec one just talks crap as if he's talking with this rectum isn't it? Haha.
I sat in front of my television for two hours today, watching "200 Pounds Beauty" and I have been watching a lot of "South Park" lately. I am about to comb every single season and every single episode of it.
I know all these pain won't stop till I wise up.
spinning around like a big spinning top.
I woke up feeling kinda okay nowadays. I can feel myself breathing. And I thought thy heart isn't hurting anymore. However, to great dismay, I realised it's totally numb. Or rather, I should say I am in a state of shock.
Can't help missing him. But then again, I know I can't. There is simply no point in doing so for there's no way I could ever make my feelings known. A change of role, a switch of status - that's what I am now. Insignificantly invisible. He hinted that I am partly responsible for the way things turn out today... But what the hell did I do? Whatever it is, I know he is avoiding me as if I am a million-dollar-bucks-owed creditor. He just loathes me.
I reminded myself of the humiliation I had received. And I start to finally feel sorry for myself. Why on earth would I even let someone bring me down this way? If he loved me, he won't even let his folks threw insults at me as if I am valueless. When I called his house the other day and to my great disappointment, it's his mother who answered the phone. She sounded as if she was ready to charge at me with a hand dagger (if she's a ninja) or a kitchen knife. Am I really that detestable? I am still deeply missed by my past relationship's mother, er hello? I am also very greatly loved by my friends' mothers, er hello?
And if he really did loved me, would he even let me wait whole night alone? So many, just far too many, decisions he made to validate this very fact that he had never loved me before; he had never treated me and respected me like a human being before. Pause you who are reading this, can you picture yourself putting up with this kinda disrespectful treatment but still clinged on to a relationship in which you long foresee no future in it but still do because you believe in "Love will find a way"? I think it does find a way for itself, not when it is one-sided.
I have to accept that: He is the one who wants to give me up, He wants nothing of me but just a mere passing phase, He just wants to throw everything we've once had away because there are greener pastures in NUS. Oh.. H. Thanks for knocking some bloody sense into me. On which earth, would which guy be able to resist the temptations of more girls, many girls, a lot of girls? Your friend ever since sec one just talks crap as if he's talking with this rectum isn't it? Haha.
I sat in front of my television for two hours today, watching "200 Pounds Beauty" and I have been watching a lot of "South Park" lately. I am about to comb every single season and every single episode of it.
I know all these pain won't stop till I wise up.
spinning around like a big spinning top.
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