Monday, December 28, 2009

Leo Woman.

Leo woman horoscope

The Leo woman is one of the most fascinating human beings! She is among the women who know how to highlight their value, regardless of their financial or intellectual power. God has endowed the Leo woman with an emotional capacity that, if left alone, becomes a real engine of manifesting her erotic, physic and sentimental vitality.

The Leo woman will never hesitate in front of a piece of clothing or jewellery if it fits her perfectly, no matter what the price is. Subconsciously, the more expensive an object is, the more it deserves being bought and worn, which stimulates and amplifies her pleasure of acting different roles on the stage of life.

The Leo woman will always play the role of great love or of misunderstood artist successfully, from the image of a mother to that of the ideal lover. Passionate, beautiful, solar, shining, intuitive, creative and erotically imaginative, the Leo woman can become the aim of any man who wants to make a good impression in the society, taking at his arm a woman of a sumptuous royalty, dressed up according to the latest fashion.

Who would guess that the Leo woman’s born charm lies in the capacity to turn down exactly what she wants and that her way of saying "no" - na?ve and innocent - is charming by its authenticity? Her little snub nose, her big eyes with long lashes, the slightly open lips can shatter all the promises made (to other wives) by unconscious men or weak-willed males.


Leo woman horoscope by Linda Goodman

There's one thing the Leo woman probably owns that you won't like. A scrapbook of pictures and mementos from all her old boyfriends. It's no use trying to get her to burn it, because the lioness is sentimental.

She's not a wallflower. She's a sunflower. Chances are she's ridiculously popular, and you'll have plenty of com petition if you want her to descend to using your name for the rest of her life. You will be a few leaps ahead if your name is St. Hoyme or Mountbatten, Cabot or Lodge. Anything that sounds royal or noble or important. I hon estly can't imagine a Leo woman marrying anybody with the name Carbunkle or Smith. It's possible. Anything is possible. But she'll probably change Smith to Smythe.

Most likely, she'll be the social leader of her group, lording it over lesser women like a queen, but with such disarming warmth and such a beautiful smile, no one really minds. Perhaps the other girls sense she was born to rule and dictate styles, customs and manners. Anyway, it wouldn't do much good to try to usurp her authority.

Nature seems to have shown some prejudice when she fashioned the lioness with enough vivacity, cleverness, grace, beauty, and just plain sex appeal for at least three women, with some left over. If you're the victim of an inferiority complex, you'd better set your sights on a bird with less brilliant feathers. Don't expect to tame her into a docile little maid who hangs on your every word. The man who expects a Leo girl to worship at his feet is living in a fool's paradise. Consider yourself lucky if she meets you halfway, respects you, is willing to be your partner and allows you to possess her emotionally. By the very act of permitting you to love her, she's practically knighted you, for heaven's sake. Seriously, you could do-a lot worse. A lioness is a lot of woman. She's rather a luxury item, not available in the bargain basement.

It pays to remember that the Leo female can act up a storm, and pretend to be as sweet and harmless as a bowl of jelly beans. She may have a voice like a whisper, gentle, courteous manners and big, soft eyes that sparkle delight fully when she bats her lashes. A Leo female can appear to be as smooth and calm as a cool and placid lake. On guard. That's just a role she assumed because it got good reviews. Remove her as the star of your love production, cast her in the part of the understudy or second lead, and you'll soon find out just how shy and submissive she isn't. Of course, most of the Leo women to whom you pay homage will openly make it clear that they're too proud and dignified to take any nonsense. I'd just hate to see you stumble in case you get involved with the other kind of lioness, who hides hei claws, but sharpens them every day just the same.

The first step when you're courting this girl is to go prepared with gifts. It doesn't make much difference what they a-e, so long as they're expensive, in excellent taste, and you're dressed properly when you offer them. Then you should practice different ways of complimenting her. Please be original and creative. Phrases like "You send me, Baby," and "You're really cool, sweetheart," will get you thrown right out of the palace, back with the peasants, Vulgarity and slang both leave her ice cold. Remember, you're wooing royalty. She can't exist without flattering appreciation, but keep in mind that she admires your masculinity, and she has no desire to turn you into a hen pecked weakling. A Leo woman couldn't love you if you weren't strong. It's just that she won't permit you to insult her with a condescending attitude. In her mind, she is definitely not the weaker sex.

Lots of Leo girls are athletic and enjoy sports, but you'd be smarter to take your lioness to the theater than to the ball park. The stage and footlights will never fail to magnetize and transfigure her. (Better buy orchestra seats. Forget the balcony.) Choose a play in which the heroine behaves the way you want her to behave that night, and your chances are better than average that she'll act the part unconsciously and never miss an inflection. After the festivities are over, don't take her to a hamburger stand and expect her to sit at the counter munching french fries because she's so much in love with you. You're better off to take her out less often to more glamorous places. She's not necessarily a gold digger; in fact, she's usually generous -she won't object to frequent Dutch dates and she'll probably shower you with almost as many gifts as you give her. But she's just plain uncomfortable in shabby sur­roundings. The poorest Leo woman in the world will manage to accumulate enough pennies to buy draperies for the windows, rings for her fingers and bells for her toes. Now and then she may go slumming, out of curiosity, but only as a spectator, aloof from the crowd. Poverty de presses her and makes her physically ill. If you dress like a slob and offer her a shack, you haven't got a chance.

There's a story about a noble Frenchwoman who turned to her lover in the gardens of Versailles and asked, "Dar ling, do the common people know this exquisite emotion of love?" When she was assured that they did, she cried out in injured surprise, "It's entirely too good for them!" She was probably a Leo.

Don't blame the lioness for her occasional arrogance and vanity. It's her nature to feel herself above the common masses. People seldom resent it, because the Leo woman who's warmly loved and respected can be the kindest and most generous of females, with a womanly compassion for children and for the helpless and the forsaken. You can't really expect her to step down from a throne that's her birthright. If she's a typical Sun child, she's so gracious and dazzling that most people gladly give her credit for being out of the ordinary. Truthfully, she is. She's intelli gent, witty, strong, and capable, yet deliciously feminine at the same time. No one in his right mind could call that common.

A little flattery will get you everywhere with your Leo lady. You've already found out it's her secret weakness. And here's another secret, if you plan to marry her:

eventually, she'll tire of her gilded cage and want to roam the jungle to see what's doing with all the other cats out there. Confinement inside four walls and under one roof can soon rob her of her sparkle. Let her have her career. Shell wither on the vine if she's forced to be just a haus-frau, unless you have enough money to allow her to be a constant hostess and an extravagant home decorator.

The Leo girl usually makes a jewel of a wife. You'll sel dom see her dressed frumpily in a tatty bathrobe, wearing curlers and wrinkle cream. Not that she skips the beauty treatments. The typical lioness will spend hours in front of the mirror and a fortune on cosmetics, but she wants you to see the results, not the strategy. There may be times when you feel you're supporting her hairdresser's entire family. Many a husband of a Leo woman finds himself pleading, "Honey, do you have to spend so much money at the beauty parlor?" But few lionesses like to do their own hair. A shampoo and set makes them feel pampered, and feeling pampered does something for every Leo.

Unless she has a Cancer, Virgo or Capricorn ascendant, you may have to watch her with charge accounts. Leos easily slip overboard when it comes to spending for fine feathers, furnishings for the home or gifts for friends. Her wardrobe can be quite extensive. She can look luscious in evening gowns, dripping with sequins and rhinestones, or low-cut, dressy outfits. But she'll probably prefer casual clothes and sportswear, if she's a typical Leo girl. She likes tailored cuts and rich materials, but not necessarily frills and ruffles. Soft cashmeres, good Italian knits and im ported English tweeds are her favorites. Her taste is usually excellent, if a bit expensive. An occasional Leo woman will overdo and bury her sense of style in gaudy, shocking clothes, but she's an exception to the general rule of the traditional leonine exquisite flair for fashion.

You'll find her a superb hostess when you bring the boss home for dinner. He'll think you're a genius to have won her. She'll probably make a hit with his wife, too, because the lioness is popular with both men and women, and each sex gets treated to her friendly smile and her outgoing personality equally. Anyone who happens to be standing in her bright sunlight feels the warmth. Leos seldom cast a shadow.

As a mother, shell pour love on her children generously and lavish affection on them. It won't be easy for her to see their faults, but when she does, she'll be strict. Since she can't stand being taken for granted, if the children don't respect her she can pout in regal silence. Many Leo mothers have a peculiar way of spoiling the child without sparing the rod, quite a contradiction when you think about it. She may romp and play with her cubs, have long, chummy talks with them, but shell also teach them to snap to attention like soldiers, polish their manners, and be obedient to their elders. At the same time, there's a danger of providing a shade too much spending money, and giving in to requests for luxuries. In a way, you might say she treats her offspring like petted members of a royal family, deeply loved, but expected to mind their p's and q's, especially in public. She'll be fiercely proud of their accomplishments, and heaven help the outsider who at tempts to hurt them or judge them unfairly. With all this, she won't smother the youngsters. She's too independent to hover over them every second. She'll lead her own life, keeping a watchful eye out for her cubs, from a distance. Many Leo women are working mothers, but their young sters seldom starve for attention. The career-minded Leos usually manage to balance motherhood and a job with perfect aplomb.

There are times when she'll lose her dignity and poise and become a rollocking, playful lioness, with a flair for pure slapstick. She can roar with laughter like a healthy animal, but when the moment is gone, the satin voice and regal bearing return. No one can squelch a fresh re mark or a rude question with as much cold contempt as a Leo female. She doesn't appreciate familiarity from stran gers. Although she'll clown around and be surprisingly casual with intimates, outsiders are expected to keep their place.

In the area of faithfulness, the Leo woman may remind you of the old toast, "Here's to me and here's to you, and here's to love and laughter-I'll be true as long as you- not a single minute after." Enough said.

Don't be jealous of her knack for being the center of attention in a roomful of admiring males. Heads always turn when the lioness smoothly glides by. She feels it's only natural for men to pay court to her. She may encour age masculine compliments and indulge in light, innocent flirtations, because her deep need for applause and adula tion covers a strange fear that she's not feminine enough and she must constantly reassure herself that she's de sirable. It doesn't mean she's not still in love with you, just because she smiles at your best friend and tells him she adores his new sports jacket. But don't try telling her best friend you like her new 나 irt. That's a whole different ball game. What's sauce for the gander is not sauce for the goose, to reverse the old nursery rhyme. If she hears you call your secretary anything much more intimate than "Miss What's-her-name," your purring kitten may scratch.

Of course, it's not fair. But if you want to be the proud possessor of all those gorgeous brilliantly-colored feathers, you have to make a few concessions. After all, owning a peacock is hardly the same thing as owning a cuckoo bird or a cooing pigeon. Humor her vanity. She'll probably be important in her own right, because few Leo women can resist competing with men for prestige, if not income. Your lioness could be anything from an actress to a surgeon.

One of my best friends and favorite Leos is a well-known New York psychiatrist. Granted, it's a career which permits her to lecture and advise (Leo's favorite pastime), but she gives her counsel with such a warm smile, sparkling eyes and deep compassion, her patients feel better just being in the same room with her. Her husband pays her all the respect and adoration she demands as her royal right, but he has a profession of his own to match hers. He's a gifted writer and poet, talents which always impress the senti­mental Leo. They share equal billing in front of the foot lights, yet he's the man and the boss behind the scenes. A perfect success formula for taming the lioness.

And that's the key to a smooth relationship with your Leo girl. Don't let her smother you-but don't try to top her. Just paste a big, bright star on her dressing room door, and puff up your ego. You're quite a guy, you know-to have won the hand of the proud lioness. Tell me, how did you manage to do it?
For the past two weeks I've been crying, the same goes for today.

It's been 3 weeks I haven't been able to smile.

I cannot stop thinking of the times we had at Batam.
I cannot believe that I do not have Desmond with me.

I'm so empty now.
And each day to me, is as good as nothing.

Why can't things be the way they used to be?

If I could turn back time...
I would.


if you want me to steal,
I would.
if you want me to kill,
I would.
if you want me to lie,
let me lie in your arms.

*

I have never meant to hurt you. I know you're not feeling good either. I asked myself what I should do to make it up to you. But there's nothing I could do besides loving you. Thing has reached a stage which even if we get back together, it won't be the same as before. I guess the only thing we can do now is to let the dust settle. Please forgive me, for all I ever want to do/be, is to love you and be the best for you.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Mortal sins.

Being judgmental of others is a sign of insecurities validation.

All these recent happenings,
gave weight of what I've always said about earthlings.

The one beside you whom you've trusted,
will betray you inevitably.

*

I went to this cheena restaurant named 店小二 today to have dine dine with my family and no pictures were taken because we were all so hungry to even want to snap photos of the dishes. Aights, my bad for no photo evidence to support this - the food was surprisingly good! And before I could even finish half a bowl of my rice, I was so bloated already. =(

My youngest sister bought a wallet for his girlfriend. Lucky girl to have my youngest sister's adoration. Am starting work on Monday, kinda feel 'bored' towards the job already. But in the meantime, I'm going to keep a lookout for other better appealing jobs. Tracy was asking me to go be some broker or something. I've sent my resume in and realized (to my horror) that I have misspelled the job title which I applied for. What.the.hell? Schit! They are so not going to call me because of this lousy english.

I spent almost the entire day trying to finish up Bleach where I left it. God. I am so slow luh, I'm still at episode 96. =X But I'm so glad I finally can admire Ryukia's brother's (what's his name?) Bankai all over again. Yes, that's right, I'm a sucker for Bleach. And Kon is forever cuteness!

Wenny, if yer ever reading this, come online soon luh! You've been missing for so long! I have gotten SO MUCH to rant to you about.

Okay. Sleepy. Cuddle four pillows. It's so cold today...

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Ordinary People



winter come,

a butterfly, intrinsically radiant and blime
fluttered its wings for one last time,
a love died.

so it meant nothing.
behind every gesture,
a malicious truth,
out to cut me.

love blinded me.
of every sick ways.
tell anybody,
who's at fault?

90 days of love trial rides,
returned doubled fold of hidden knives.
the gravity behind the doings,
none big enough to shoulder.

the aftermath,
as good as grave.
life-less and cold,
full of regrets.

how should i react?
do i do grace?
who did me then?

god sees all.
god judges.
the only rightful one to.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

I resolute to be better

Seeing some of my ex classmates (esp the bunch from Crescent Girls) of what they have achieved through these years makes me a crazier person. They are all:

  • Hot
  • Extremely intelligent
  • Having a REALLY fun time living lives

They make me feel I'm an empty shell with:

  • No Hotness
  • No Intelligence anymore
  • No much FUN in my life

So this is what I SHALL resolute:

  • To be sugar and spice and nothing NICE
  • To be more intelligent
  • To have FUN with my life
  • To step on those who are currently stepping on me

Of course, all these will NOT come without a price.
And the price shall be:

  • Myself



Friday, December 18, 2009

Friday. Time flies when you least realize it.

Sometimes fate if like a small sandstorm that keeps changing directions. You change direction but the sandstorm chases you. You turn again, but the storm adjusts. Over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn. Why? Because this storm isn't something that blew in from far away, something that has nothing to do with you. This storm is you. Something inside of you. So all you can do, is give in to it, step right inside the storm, closing your eyes and plugging up your ears so the sand doesn't get in, and walk through it, step by step. There's no sun there, no moon, no direction, no sense of time. Just fine white sand swirling up into the sky like pulverized bones. That's the kind of sandstorm you need to imagine.

And you really will have to make it through that violent, metaphysical, symbolic storm. No matter how metaphysical or symbolic it might be, make no mistake about it. It will cut through flesh like a thousand razor blades. People will bleed there, you will bleed too. Hot, red blood. You'll catch that blood in your hands, your own blood and the blood of others.

And once the storm is over, you won't remember how you made it through, now you've managed to survive. You won't even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what this storm's all about.

Closing your eyes isn't going to change anything. Nothing's gonna disappear just because you can't see what's going on. In fact, things will be even worse the next time you open your eyes. That's the kind of world we live in. Only a coward closes his eyes. Closing up eyes and plugging up ears won't make time stand still.

People soon get tired of things that aren't boing, but not of what is boring. A certain type of perfection can only be realized through limitless accumulation of the imperfect.

A theory is a battlefield in your head. Without counter-evidence to refute a theory, science would never progress.

Like flowers scattered in a storm, man's life is one long farewell.

你的世界我的日子
好像沒有誰對發過脾氣
過的太快來不及 唉呦...
你說你說我們要不要在一起
柔情的日子裡 生洛得不費力氣
傻傻看你 只要和你在一起 唉呦呦...
我說我說我要我們在一起
柔情的日子裡 愛你不費力氣
傻傻看你 只要和你在一起
不像現在只能遙遠地唱著你


I am singing again...

*
I've always been saying this, Everything is a metaphor.

My first day of a DKNY biatch. I saw her. There was a strange feeling when I looked into her eyes.

Now I fathom why.


Thursday, December 17, 2009

Solitude #1

Me myself am the world.

And I want silence.

No words. For all don't matter anymore.

Monday, December 14, 2009

You don't belong to me. The way I don't belong to anybody.

Recently, she started off throwing tantrums and left my stuffs lying around. She left my bags on the floors, and scattered some photos with a few letters all over. She filled my poor blue laundry basket with dirty laundry and soiled underwear till the basket cried out in suffocation. Next thing you know, my notorious 'room-mate' tried to tear down the cornice just above her windows to her eyes. That's the second time it is happening; the first being two years back on one morning. I was much indulged in the watching of south park when I stumbled upon the realization. With a notable significant difference compared to her past, she had changed. She was a pretty lady and was ever ready to change the color of her curtains to match her bed linen. "What's the matter with you?", I had asked her yesterday at around noon. Being the rudest room you could ever find, she chose to turn her back and walked away, without even showing the slightest of acknowledgement to my presence.

Like to anyone, I remain just a shadow to everyone.

Rooms get sick of you too even when apparently, you are the owner - that's probably the time you found out that you don't actually belong in it and it doesn't actually belong to you. So when a room starts to give you accumulated dust and messy bookshelves, you know it's beginning to hate you. When the patching up is not done in due time, before you know it, you're thrown out - pathetic, alone and in despair.

You can get sick of your own-doing, which is probably the best reflection of who you are. So when you are capable of being unfavorable to even yourself, let alone others.

oth⋅er

[uhth-er]
–pronoun
9. Usually, others. other persons or things: others around you.

[edit]
if i had only knew what was coming for me in another 12 hours' time...

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

All nuts.

I was having a throbbing headache which was so much like a colony of ants having a Jamaican fiesta in my head. So intense was the pain that I have trouble putting my mind to relaxation. My limps felt so much like decaying wood and I had to struggled my way to get a shower. I popped a paracetamol and practically stuck a bottle of medicated oil into one of my nostrils. None worked. So I synced myself with my body like how you sync your iPod with iTunes. Plugged in - my body prompted me to get something to eat.

This is not a lie. And like a miracle, after having a peanut butter sandwich and a hot milk tea. The headache went away almost instantly. Sounds like it's rather impossible but it remains factual. The thing about me understanding my body in such a manner is amazing.

3:32am - at this time when everyone should be sleeping, here I am carelessly and rebelliously typing words. Echoes of words from the strangers downstairs hover the cold and still night air; no cats tonight. The homeless must have eaten up all the cats in this district - they are homeless, and naturally no food to eat.

My sister is a tad way better than me at handling everything. And without her giving me advice and suggestions to every decision-making scenarios I have faced, I would have been intertangled up in my own strings of problems and drowned in my sea of troubles. So to Dawnie - you're the best. And I love you so much that I want to keep you as my pet.

I have lost track of time. I am wandering around this desert without my own compass. So naturally, by the time I got out of it, I would have been dead. I would be dead because either the one who snapped out of my own idealism will not be me. Or that could be I intentionally lost myself being my own pilgrim until the day I got onto my deathbed - too late to do anything by then. You could say I almost abhor the idea of me. Because I am so fussy with facades, and I have no idea which one to settle down with. Okay, here's what I would do. I shan't make do with any. I will come up with a brand new one, one which is of the norm, easily reachable and ultimately deprived of creativity.

Now, waiting for the break of dawn to pour down onto my world makes me a more impatient being. I want to send out resumes, reckon it's not nice sending out in the wees, what would the recipients feel if they saw the time? My regret for not wanting to stay in school evolves to my earnest mean to get recognized now, propelling me to take a longer route to which they call it 'success'. No kidding my english doesn't suggest I was out of school at a tender age but no way it is better than most too. Life's a bitch. I wonder if I start going to church now, will He show me the way to a bigger house.

*

Baby, I am sorry. I might not be the sanest around. But rest assured, I am trying hard to be better in every flawed ways of mine, a little each day.

Monday, December 7, 2009

(feeling) not myself
(thinking) of a paradise with pot at the stretch of your finger
(wanting) to sleep and wake up feeling like a million dollar
(wanting) to make my blog better
(wanting) to finish up 3 of murakami's
(wanting) to write better with much improved english
(believes) english are darn right important and you should be breast-fed with that
(believes) when you die, you indeed go to hell
(not wanting to believe) i'm 24, ugly, fat and poor
(confession) been reading 'the wind up bird chronicle' for more than six months
(cursing) the most miserable of pain to befall on that lil fucker - just die
(further clarification) no one to know who the lil fucker is except for me

Friday, December 4, 2009

My saga with the twilight.


Went down to Jurong Point GV to catch Twilight Sage: New Moon last night.

Eh, Jacob Black is damn HOT luh! I was very awake whenever he's on scene. You don't believe me? Check this out!


Of course I am aware that this photo has been photoshopped before. But he IS really so motherfacking tasty in the show. His body is more comforting than chocolates. I think a handful of girls in the cinema went bonkers in their underwear whenever they see him half naked - me included!

All you Edward Cullen fans, I am afraid you might have to be disappointed because Rob's scenes, as compared to Taylor's, are a tad lesser. After all, that's what "New Moon" is about - Jacob Black.

But to be fair, because I am always in a teeter totter love with both,



Okay this is what I think. If I want to hit out some art galleries, museums or operas, I'll definitely pick Edward because he indeed looks more intelligent and refined as compared to Jacob (you know what they always say, all brawn and no brains. Which is so true, because the brawn I used to go out with has no brains, and those brainers has absolute no brawn.) And as for Jacob, I think I will bring him to beaches, clubs, and anything which doesn't require much socializing.

So what's your pick?

-

I want to rant now. Just what is it with Jurong Point GV to have so many rude and inconsiderate people? It's definitely not my first time having such unpleasant movie experience at Jurong Point GV so I am not passing some remarks based on no grounds. This specific elephant girl behind me was yakking non stop when she and her cliques (elephants too) took their seats behind me. And still is when the movie started. Yakking in cheena moreover!

"这个是 Jacob."
"没有,这个是Edward."
"Edward 是那个很帅的!"

You could almost feel my blood boiling inside. And I didn't want to be rude, I merely turned my head around to stare at her. I swear I was on the verge of telling her to shut up. Because I seriously don't understand why she is there if she couldn't tell who from who. I bet she doesn't even know who Stefanie Meyer is. Luckily for her, she stopped talking so much after a while, but still did, on an occasional basis.

Halfway through the show, another elephant girl talked on her mobile phone. I was hoping hard someone threw this whole school of whales into the Indian Ocean.

Just when you thought it's over, one elephant girl's boyfriend's mobile phone rang.

*some muthafucking cheena song playing... doesn't want to answer or cannot find his bloody cell... muthafucking cheena song playing still...*

Elephant girl #1: "按掉. 快点!" (impatient tone)
Elephant's bf: "我找不到!"

One very empathetic ah beng shouted, "Diam luh! nb!"

-

Remember what Butterfly quoted?

"People who are unequal certainly do not deserve equal chances.
If you are ugly and fucked up, you will be laughed at."

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Study hard and earn more dough. Forget about passion.

I watched Singapore Idol last night in an almost agonizing pain. No, it's wasn't entirely because of the contestants themselves. The stage was a horror. If you want to make it somewhat like those stages in American Idol, make sure there's enough room for the contestants to roam about and really 'own' the stage. Otherwise, eliminate the idea of having 'fans' there. It looks like some kinda getais with better lighting.

And if they expect the contestants to sing and dance, why give them a microphone which require one hand to hold? Our contestants are not Lady Gaga nor Chris Brown. They merely had one week odd to rehearse and probably learn their basics for dance. Since we all know that they aren't exactly up to it yet, why didn't anyone make sure that they can perform w/o having the discomfort of trying to 'juggle' the microphone while they sing and do some chikabombom at the same time?

I feel really sorry for the contestants because they didn't have any background vocals to assist them at all. "Crazy in Love" sounds so bad because if you are clever enough, you would know that a messy song arrangement requires very strong vocal arrangement and Tab herself couldn't possibly do it even if she has eight vocal folds. Talk about "Lovestoned" and the rest.

It really does only take no more than a retard to tell that the girls sing better. If a fella was to win, may I suggest that we do not have another season of Singapore Idol. The thought of knowing that Singapore votes so blindly really irritates me. If this was to happen, I will swear myself off the entire Channel 5, not just the Idols.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Insanity.

It's at times like this,
the one good thing about being crazy.

You drank and down those liquor,
you watched those neons lights flashed by.
A whole street of strangers you smiled to,
and watched them through your wet fake lashes.
You walked on, clueless on what's ahead and
what you've left behind.

You couldn't care less,
you just need a moment of insanity
in order to be alive.
Why should you be ashamed?
Hasn't it been everyone's constant pursue to be different?

Calling out to an empty land,
I couldn't hear myself.
I didn't hear your name.

No tears,
No nice goodbyes,
No sirens.

It burned.
It tore our flesh underneath.
The morning awakes,
we woke up to ourselves - nothingness.

Leaving what we had behind,
buried in the darkness of the skies
and stars dead and still.

Monday, November 30, 2009


I am back from Batam. The above pic is the only worthy one to be posted. It's my american breakfast and Des's nasi goreng. We called in the room service, and had to eat on the study table; which nevertheless turned out to be too small for the spread and we had to place the two plates of fruits on our bed.

Being both our first times to Batam, what greeted us was nowhere within our imagination or anticipation. We didn't expect Waterfront city to be so near to Holiday Inn (where we put up at) but anyway, thank god we took the shuttle bus service because taxis there were as pricey as taking them in singapore.

We booked a 1 Bedroom King Bed suite (they promised us a living room, a dining) and what we got was a (if I am not wrong) Queen bed studio suite with no dining area. When called down to confirm with the hotel staff, they assured us that it was a King bed. Being so tired out, and in desperate need of a room, we didn't wreck havoc. Our massage at Tea Tree was good though and that probably is the only thing worth mentioning to any of our friends if we were ever asked.

Went down to Nagoya (we got to know from the hotel staff that it's for shopping) and we left in less than 2 hours after having our A&W, with no shopping bags. Damn boring luh the place, with nothing to buy at all. All sorts of grade F replicas - horror. We hoped for the best and headed down to Batam Ferry Center and left in disappointment again. Then, we spent the rest of our second day at Batam, sleeping away in our hotel room.

Overall, in my opinions, Batam is boring. The next time if I'm to go over again, I'll just do massage.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

I want to break free!

Hi! I am finally free!

After a struggling 3 day saga, I finally broke free!

Free from the clutch of a ultra cheena working environment!

Free from a boss whose micro management simply just pisses me.
(she only allows triangular paper clips, not rounded ones. wtf? they still hold papers. you have to write all addresses in the format she writes, as in, you have to write "blk-unit-street" not "blk-street-unit" damn bo liao right?

Okay. I'm going to enjoy my three day weekend gate-away to Batam with my very supportive/loving/caring boyfriend! He wants to take me to a good spa and manicure!

Imma go drink my mom's home made chrysanthemum tea and pack!



Tuesday, November 24, 2009

What's happening to me?

If you really know me well enough, you would have known by now that I'm a committed employee and I put work in front of everything else, usually.

Recently, I've started to slip away. The lazy bone in me started to take control of my entire motivation to do almost anything. I've skipped work for two days w/o any medical certificate and to total up, I've skipped work for 3.5 days in this month. It's a utterly bad feeling when I think of myself that way, but it remains a fact now that I'm this horrible. Seriously, I don't think I deserve any chance from my employer. I had wanted be let go, but they refused. Not because I think I am good, but because I think they are in urgent need of manpower. And I had to dig them in now, when I know they are so under-manpowered. I just had to. Please slap me anyone?

When I think of my work, I feel uneasy. I do not have any sense of belonging there. I do not click with any of my colleagues and neither does anyone of them smoke (you know when they say smokers can click better with one another, it's true). I feel so left out all the time, but it's seriously fine. I don't need to converse with anyone. I need to be left alone to my own work. But the one thing which I hate is, everyone of them is trying to make me fit in. Y'all should know by now, that socializing remains a great myth to me until today. I find it so difficult to answer questions which are so: 1) apparent to the eyes 2) as if you care?

My mom told me that the biggest flaw which lies in me is that I have zero capability to feign any relation to any Tom, Dick or Harry. And that, this I have inherited from her, on a clashed good and bad note. Why good? Go figure.

I've been spending alot on my credit card. When I did a tabulation just now, my intestines cringed. And apart from the records from the card, I do not have any single clue where the rest of my funds go to. When I spend these days, I still feel unhappy. Is my life really taking its toll on me? Or have I become greedier?

I have a short getaway to Batam this weekend with Des. But I don't feel too thrilled at the idea of it. Something must be wrong with me.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Drift...

A lazy afternoon,
in our years of 17.

Dirty sneakers feet,
the guitar plucked so softly.

The sun was yolk,
the water at its still.

We sat away our afternoons,
quiet being loud,
idling and dreaming...

...of a same tomorrow.


Sunday, November 8, 2009

I have the morning dreads sickness...

I have a job right now. Can't say I am at the happiest having this as my bread-giving because I am being micromanaged, and ranted at for wanting to learn, trying very hard to learn. The down thing about it is my inability to retaliate because as of now, it's a fact that I don't know anything and isn't skilled. I have no idea why everyone at work is terrified of my manager. She talks at the top of her voice - yes. Why do they submit themselves to coercive management? Coercive management is the worst kinda of leadership ever practised. Would you rather be feared than to be respected? So much for being a staunched basic human rights believer, I didn't do anything about all those rants except to continue holding my head up high. And during moments like these, I repetitively chanted in my head, that if I am here to learn, I have to swallow it down. Because I am here to steal, and after the loot is in my hands, I shall make my escape.

I wake up in the mornings dreading the idea of working there. I shan't go into relating how I can't click with anyone and everyone at my work. Because it's not only because of that, that I have this tendency to throw up every morning (I'm not pregnant god damn it). Say, the idea of being stranded on an dirty island with nothing around beautiful enough to minimally cheer a dying cancer patient up. I feel like a pig playing in a puddle of mud. Imagine me in such an island. How can these two ever come together as one?

I am a greedy person...

See God. That's the problem with every walking man on earth. We are made to be greedy. Because if we weren't, how would you think the world would have progressed to the state it is today? There will be no blue collar worker coming out to set up his own business and finally made it big which benefits the global economy somewhat. And why's that he had chosen to come out on his own? Because he is greedy, he wants more. He wants more moolah so he could get a prettier wife, wants a Cadillac, wants a Franck Muller. And by proving himself to everyone, he's actually measuring his achievements and worth in a form of materials. And all of the above, you and I are guilty of... I have forgotten the most important thing which I desperately need - the need to be happy.

I've seen myself these days and hence made a comparison - I feel incomplete. It's a never-ending route to deadly luxuries. And I couldn't stop feeling troubled everyday because I am so tormented by the thought of 'being/wearing better than you'. Let us all sign a petition to put Anna Wintour to euthanasia. She's the reason why every girl/woman on earth feels lousy about themselves.

I want to be happy...

I really want to. But I haven't quite figured out what's missing. I feel happy wearing a pair of comfortable flip flops rather than those killer heels. I will feel happy if I wake up to breakfast on the bed. I feel happy after having a good read. I feel happy after having found a track which brings back fond memories of my youth. Or perhaps just a stroll on the beach (when the sun's not so scorching hot luh).

I am capable of my own happiness...

The light in my room fused and I changed it out all by myself this afternoon. I didn't know it could be such simple and easy chore even when I am not very tall. Then I understood that if I wish to attain, it will be possible if I try. So I made myself promise myself that I should try to be happy, no matter what downs should befall on me. And I shan't compare myself to everyone around me anymore, because there's a reason why I call them "others" and myself "me".

Me, myself am the world...

-

"If all mankind were to disappear, the world would regenerate back to the rich state of equilibrium that existed ten thousand years ago. If insects were to vanish, the environment would collapse into chaos."
-Edward O. Wilson

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Feel distant,
even when there were words said to everyone,
And their supposed words of concern I have heard.

Perhaps just a artificial smile,
or expression which they or I didn't mean.

A period of four years,
there hasn't been any materialization of true happiness
I have been able to capture.
Sad to mention, there wasn't any basic rapture.

"What is missing?"

I have no clue.

Perhaps the four years shall count on...

I am not hollow inside anymore,
I am just as good as a walking dead.

I need to be understood,
I have been trying my best to make sure I am heard.

Yet, I stand again, all alone against the cold.

Infinitely, alone.