Look what I've found!

While I was surfing ma fashion blog sites, I chanced upon this.

Shall we hit NYC together soon!?

I bemoan the wounds of Fortune.

There's so much to do, so little time.
So tight if I want to fulfill death at age 40.

I shall study operas/history and Mozart.

I shall study criminology/child psychology.

I shall study literature.

I shall take departure for some time and concentrate in enriching myself with so much, the past of the world has got to offer. And then I may come back...

I shall study fashion.

I shall plan my own death, the way I want it to be.

If there's no one beside you

When your soul embarks

Then I'll follow you into the dark

I miss you. And I hate you.

I have to push you like how I push others. Test your tolerance because I am in for some cheap thrills. If I conjure you are just like the others, I might have a better reason not to house you anymore. Because that's the way I am. If you think you know, think again. Because I do not have a threshold to start from, what even makes you think you know me for the way you think I am? I will not accept what you had planned as part of my life. And I don't wish to live in fear of what you may be, simply just because I am a greater liar than you. You could start your careless lips moving again however this time, apart from sweet sweet truth, cheap talks shall be put at bay.

-

I am simple. If I want to hate you, I will try to make sure I do. Even if it takes me putting up different facades, to invite tension between the two of us. I believe in ending it with my own hands even when the first spark wasn't created by me. I will forgive you when I have learnt how to hate you. Because you won't care if I do. No one really is bothered. We just walk on by ourselves, most of the times. So like total strangers once again, we'll walk on our own.

Pity.

Because I had really wanted to make it with you.

Last night's MOS trip has gotten me complaining now.

Firstly, I seriously think MOS is too costly a place for offering cheap crowds of people inside (Thanks to Mr Mysterious for signing me in). Nope. I ain't referring to the Malays. I am refering to the Chinese. The Muns (term for Cheena piangs) are rude, and definitely lacking mannerisms. The girls are as good as what I was when I was 14 except that they are way ruder. I have found out that the girls (especially) in Smoove, MOS, are mutes in disguise. They may be blind too for all I know.

Secondly, those people can't dance for fuck. So what's the point of hogging onto a space in the cage trying to show off to others how you shake you shoulders. And so what if you can bend a lil lower than your usual height? You ain't anywhere special. Everyone is doing it. So dude was telling me that those girls were just dying to be grope and grope. Haha.

I got picked up right under his nose. And he had actually let this new lad brought me into the cage to be one of the hotdogs in that hotdog counter. Looker - yes. Dancer - yes. You guys must be thinking that he's in for a lucky night ain't cha? Sadly, I ain't that easy at all. Blame it on this question he asked, "Are you a cheerleader?" What makes him even think I am just typically naive to buy compliments which are apparently so hard to accept? I have black hair and I am well informed that I am standing on soil of SG, and cheerleaders in Singapore can only do some somersaults. But I can't even do one. Hah!

Should have remained at the main and continued shuffling with those shufflers. Bad night, bad company but lovely river view with a big gulp full of whisky. No joke. We used to party like glams but we had to resort to buying whisky from 7-11 and sip it by the river.

My Girlfriend & I.

The girl who wanted to play with mimosa today got herself caught in this massive downpour of rain and she had to reorganise her time. Time is so very important to her now that she has decided to whizz back from Pluto and get herself a day job on Earth. Handling earthlings is a chore. She anticipates everything they should say, and makes comments two leaps or even three even before their strings of thoughts get logistically organised. She wonders why does each single one of us has to say/do things to attempt to bring others down in order to lift ourselves up to this level we thought we ought to feel triumphant and be proud of. Would the earth orbits better this way? If everyone was to be rid of their falsehoods and walk alongside with their innate simplicity basis, I wonder what kind of paradise would we see.

On the last day of my breath, most probably I would look back and think about those I have done wrong, I have failed, and those I have hurt and grieve. It isn't really a bad thing to be classified as 'emo' you know. People who chose not to be, or think they are not, just haven't got the chance for an epiphany to strike upon them like a big lucky star. The star would weigh on your body trying to kill you. For as long as you remain being weighed down by it, you should make full use of the time trying and learning more about everything, the gists, the evolutions. And be quiet, be silent because the winds of rumours created by your own mind are what you ought to listen. Listen and be in sync with them. Control them. Understand that no one would be able to fathom the way you feel not even through a thousandfold of attempts to converse. Because you, yourself are the world, solitude and very much alone than you think you are.

I had a sleep for death. But my phone rang expectedly and I was vacuumed back into reality and it was the way I have planned it to be the night before. The rain splattered all down and too sudden when I was walking to the library. I was upset that I am vulnerable to you still. I forgive you for using me, but I cannot forgive myself for letting you. I don't have a clue how much I am worth whenever she sneaks back in. I may have idealised you. Perhaps I chose to. Time has already altered the love I have for B et al. into another kind. Would I soon start to chase after it, or would I choose to remain rooted and unchanged and watch it works its acceleration away? If I were to be euphemistic quoting how great it would be if I can turn back time, I would say, I would choose not to have our paths crossed. Because it's a lonely road ahead for now, and it's quieter and darker than before.

Love letter.

When I am walking, I wonder if you are too. When it's dark and quiet,when I know you are asleep, I feel safe by just remembering how you look like when you are sound asleep. I didn't know what went wrong, and it doesn't matter now, the chase is over. Sometimes, I wonder whether your inner self still does tell you that I miss you. All questions no longer mean nor matter anymore. I pray for your smiles. And this is my part, and I am contented.

My Life is never the same when I lost a big part of it. And I am making the best out of the remains that I have got. This is my strength. My sentimental side wants me to hold on to you because I need to be at least humane to myself. I didn't know my calibres to love. I didn't think I don't know love. I didn't know what my love for you is capable of producing. Not until I've lost you, totally but yet not quite completely. Forever does exist. And everynight, sleeping to the ghost of you and me, in a hot summertime's room with a big tv... is enough for me to get by each single day.

I love you today. And I am sure I will love you tomorrow.

Your DKNY biatch.

It's been so long since I felt a passing day enjoyable. I am enjoying sadomasochism with myself, pushing myself to things I think I dread and yet seek pleasure out of this whole pain fashion. I love the fact that my legs are aching now. Because I know they are aching for the good cause, gotta have some basics for the hip hop yo? I locked myself up in this hour glass and watched myself wither bit by bit through the fine sandy grains. And that is 'me' in it, the one who's typing this isn't 'me'. And I hope she is constant for some time.

I thought about the loss I have had when I was commuting home. So I compiled a wishlist for year 2008. I am just going to use these materials to fulfill myself in whatsoever way. And I know I will love this feeling.

Following wishlist would be in pictures format. Just in case, some online admirer decides to pamper/impress me. -rolls eyes- Haha! I love Chrissy. :)

1.

The renown iPhone.[x]

P905i by DoCoMo!

2.

The very common Long Champ Le Pliage for day use. [x]

In black.

3.

Coach Hamptons Signature Turnlock New French Purse. [x]

Comme des Garcons. =)

4.

Louis Vuitton Vernis Sunset Bolevard.

5.

Pimpin' Ain't Easy from TokyoFlash. [X]

Checked! Pimpin' Ain't Easy Gold Edition!!!!!!

Kisses for Today.

I wonder,

how can someone so fine not be mine?

I have to leave you today.

However close we get, it will never be enough.

Remember this,

If you don't know where you are going, all roads will take you there.

I love you.

Don't forget that.

But then again, if it means nothing to you.

Why would I want it to mean something to me?

I am milk.

Uh. Uh. Uh...

I am fucking out to Pluto,

if it pleases you.

I will.

No room for pretence,

quit doing things you wanna be seen doing.

See things not with the naked eye,

but see what is essential with your heart.

Shh..

Just shut up.

I need no more blabber.

Be wise.

Don't walk with me.

Your presence doesn't matter to me a bit.

Goodbye.

Hello stranger.

Hello stranger.

Today, rainy and cold. Pretty norm for the weather these days. And I walked down Claymore Lane in my 3 inches stiletto, I realised and thought this to myself, "Hey! Not bad wot! Every guy looked at you!" Then I rolled my eyes.

The Girl

On the tube, this girl I saw. Age definitely no more than 15. 1.6m for height at most. Size 2. Epic breasts. Definitely kissable pouty lips. But not beautiful enough eyes. She caught and got my attention. Messy hair. DKNY look. Burberrys bag. Lovely girl. And I caught her looking at me too. She lingered on still, in my mind for a while even after she got off. I have no idea why she reminded me of Craz Fernando Sypher. Perhaps I thought she looks hot enough for him to take notice of. Ohh.. Okay. What a name. I know.

The Pretentious Bitch @ DKNY

The store manager that I met turned out to be a harmless, friendly-looking man in his fourties. Yellowed eyes due to the (without a doubt) years of smoking. This interview was the longest one I have ever had in my whole life. It lasted 35 minutes. He was practically telling me how bitchy the industry can get. Not as if, I have no single clue how the world works. -rolls eyes-

The collection for DKNY this season is... Uh, I have already seen them online. So yeah. Black, white, grey - the essentials. And touch these colors up with orange, pink and etc. I personally love the orange, grey and black combo. Saw this black dress on the mannequin which made me went abit bonkers. It's a must-have for me!

I saw a girl playing with mimosa. I will talk about her soon.

Dated today at this Hour.

Talking to everyone really feels like talking to everyone, again, today.

So, only you could fathom Plutorian like me.

I miss you, today.

And I am still angry with you.

The day is coming.

Soon.

I had this weird thought today. Perhaps it was because what happened last night, which I think both B et al. and I are laughing ourselves silly now.

"What if we walk one orbit of the earth and realise that each is what each is seeking?"

Uh... Funny thought right? And I think I thought of it because I can't wait to see his husky and walk him at east coast.

Will we both comprehend that in the absence of what we want, it is perfectly reasonable to find what we need?

Yucks.

I don't wish to converse to anyone (who quite matters to me) in the outside world. So I would just try my luck here.

B.L: Study hard, you horny ass.

A.T: :)

R.S: What are you so angry about?

It is really amazing why R.S even managed to have worked his way here.

Ballerina.

You said if I stood rooted in the middle of your open palms and do nothing at all but wait,

you would gradually close them in on me and wrap me nicely like a pretty little gift,

loved and protected from the earthly sins God had showered upon everything.

So, I tried to spin every day in your embrace like a ballerina with stars on my feet.

One thing for sure, we undeniably share this connection which is so hard to come by. If you beg to differ, remind me that I am merely being hypothetical. I could wait on forever and bask myself in the sea of sweet misery that you want me to get lost in. If that's the punishment, that's the only way you think I would learn, I will learn to swim out of it myself. Let's try not to be too warped for now since things are clearer seeing them in retrospect. And take this statement made here positively. If I ever get out of it, you'd be standing by the shore, watching the beautiful yolk setting down into the horizon of the world. Wrap a warm towel around me as you've promised. Kiss me and hold me without tears this time. And we'll both sleep sound every night. Very sound indeed.

Nothing's gonna change my world.

Hey yo! I lovey the weather these days! So cool, blowing chilly winds, and it just makes me wanna snuggle up under my comforter for some real warmth. Lovey Lovely month for Love eh? I swear I am addicted to 曹格. I can't get sick of him and I intentionally skipped sleeping just to listen to him sing. Heh. That's what bummers have on hands the most - time.

Congrats to Irene getting hitched! Lovely cocktail dress you tried on yesterday! And her that good looking cutie rain lookalike hubby better treat her well.

My hair smells heavenly now luh! And they are getting longer! I am so happy. -self entertains- Uh. Someone once kept saying I self entertain all the time. Now I can't recall who that is.

It's the weekend soon to come yo! And I hope this weekend would be whimsically magical. So surprise me God, with all the little joy dust you used to sprinkle on me.

I forced to feel brand new today, again,

after we've both turned our backs.

I've heard before,

that if taking one big leap is hard,

we should try taking little steps,

step by step, everyday.

So I will feel brand new.

So new,

that I won't see myself anymore.

Eventuality of a Sere.

你的欺骗没有让我掉下眼泪

爱本善变的痛楚并非你的罪

爱是无辜的风筝拉着最在乎的人

情已逝我还在注定一个人流浪

爱是断线的风筝挣脱一开始的梦

黑暗中一步步的坠落红尘

为了你，我学会否认

紧紧相依的心如何 say goodbye

你比我清楚还要我说明白
爱太深会让人疯狂的勇敢
我用背叛自己
完成你的期盼

把手放开不问一句 say goodbye
当作最後一次对你的溺爱
冷冷清清淡淡今後都不管
只要你能愉快


只要你能愉快
Goodbye.
:)

Violence.

Death on cuts.
Nailed six feet under.
Little black dress.

Soiled pale roses.

I bathe in your finest blood.

Within the skin of filth.

For I crave the little thick thing.

Stained thy crimson ivories.

Mmm...