Marked the last 24 hours of '08.

I think it sucks to be anticipating another year older. 

All the time, we see people making constancy plans for every single passing year without fail. But how often do they even keep up to these resolutions? For e.g, yours sincerely. I didn't manage to fulfill anything under my list. The outcomes of 'Quit smoking' and 'Lose weight' turned out badly because the opposites of both happened. 

Everyone has been putting on weight around me, except for Wenny, I am sure. Bang says it must be the weather. And hecks? I am down with a severe cold. My mucus and tears oozed out uncontrollably last night and I knew I was going to go down. When I hit my bed, if it's hard, I was so sure it'd have rang a loud thud. What a way to start off 2009 with a blast.

Aights. Instead of the act to resolute, how about a re-assuring one?

Things Chrissy thinks no one can live without (prolly myself):

Love

Lies

Lust

I cannot do without Love. Even when the syllabus irritates me a hell lot now. When I wondered why I adore Twilight when most peepos around me has been telling me how it sucks, I sorta come to this conclusion that I, even in the midst of total negativity, am waiting for the correct bell to ring. Then the gardens would start to bloom, butterflies would flutter their wings, birds would sing,  faith and hope will come by in such a natural fashion. And then it'll irk the shit out of you. Because I definitely will be such a hopeless romantic bitch. Every single sentence I may convey would have his name etched. Haha. 

I lie on an almost daily basis when I want to know the truth. So in order to get what I want, I lie to get my way. But of course, I have a strong uphold of moral teachings. I don't believe in causing intentional hurt upon others. My ego doesn't permit me to do that. Consciously, I am merely protecting myself all the time. That doesn't sound like a wrong thing to do.

And as for the last, what can I say? Everyone who knows me, knows me. If there's a decency pretense I put up everyday, call me wearing the mask of a virginal façade. But always refer to the previous paragraph. These two somewhat link each other up, one way or another.

I doubt I would be watching "Yes Man". Saying "yes" to everything does not necessarily make your life better or win you multi million paying lottery. For e.g, 

Boss: "Can I don't give you your 6 months' bonus?"

You: "Yes."

Boss: "Can I look at your tits?"

You: "Yes."

Boss: "Can I screw you and still don't give you your 6 months' bonus?" 

You: "Yes!"

And so, it's 12am sharp 31st of December 2008 now. Tell me, what would you like to do for the last 24 hours of 2008. =) 

Anselmo's Song.

I had a bad day, a bad control of emotions today. 

This mandarin phrase "丑人多做怪" certainly has its validity. There are stupid people everywhere. If you try to grab these people in a handful, I'm sure it'd come back as a thousandth fold. And I've learned when it comes to dealing with such people, I have to think two steps behind them in order to sashay on the same wavelength with them. So that they could register any ideas and meanings which I am trying to convey. What seriously dissed me off was that, my prerogative to argue was forcefully kept at bay. And I felt like a wimp. I hate the feeling of feeling like one. Seriously, stupid people can make big money yo? I'm surprised. 

Apart from that, if anyone should wish to go into a bitch fit, please make sure you have the looks, or the figure, and of course, a strong command of any language. We all know beautiful people are always pardoned for whatever epilepsy they relapse themselves into. I forgive pretty/hot people easier, as compared to the physically challenged ones. This world is unfair. Like what Butterfly said, people who are clearly unequal, do not deserve equal chances. If you are ugly and fucked up, you WILL be laughed at. /sniggers And you think likewise too, don't deny it. 

Really, she's just 敢你拿，拿不起来.

-

I'm pretty sick of holding on so tightly to my moral teachings. It's after all not very innately me. The idea of a deed in a Ferrari sounds good though. Press play, someone? 

Rainbows & Bones.

Color me colors,

thus,

the streets, rainbows.

Don't you wanna feel my bones? ;)

Good morning to all! I am so impressed with the minimal amount of sleep I need in order to feel recharged! I feel hyped up now, I think I can run a marathon! 

X'mas this year is cool. Spent the night at home with nothing but games, music, and mocha. No alcohol - recuperating liver. Well, compared to last year's being mugged, every year's gonna be better! I was being so lame, I replied texts from everyone who sent me well wishes "Marry Chrisma." Haha. Merry Christmas - Marry Chrisma. Now that rhymes well. Obviously it was a flirt/tease/joke. Everyone knows the idea of a stable relationship irks me now.

I can't wait to go out of Singapore even though Taiwan ain't too much of a thrill for me. I just wanna get out! 

And guys, upcoming fashion trends for '09! Start your first day of 2009, go to the countdown party in this upcoming look! Jewel encrusted dresses/tops are a must-haves! And dresses with fringe. And the color for S/S is well, highlighter yellow. Haha. Please don't attempt to carry this color when your skin is slightly yellowish. Don't shirk the blame when you look like some traffic stop cone. Or the NYC taxi. Does anyone knows any shoes boutique which sells lovely pumps between price ranges from 60 - 120 moolah? 

I have been so indolent to do everything and anything. I am lazy to eat too. I think I am a sloth.

Heh. Picture me hanging onto a tree, all fours.

-

I love the way the my long hair glissaded that night, the way the cool twilight breeze lingered through the little intervening gaps of my fingers. As I outstretched my arms out of the car, I felt I was a great shame. At the age of 23, my capabilities to feel right are ineffectual still. I couldn't tell a legitimate loathe and a wrongful love apart. 

That is, I know you've weaved me a basket of lies. And god damn it, why do I find it hard to let you go still? And that is, I love you. I love you. You are a basket.

So, they say, in order to forget you, I have to get someone better. And I say, most probably, I am cut out to remain single. I have an inordinate fascination with myself. Or most of the times I am fantasizing about having a superior being to love. I have an undying thirst within me to always seek for more and the better, the truly ethereal to my eyes. And I will know it right away after I've found him - like walking on the streets in opposing directions to each other, eyes locked. 

"Excuse me, I think you are the 100% guy whom I've been looking for."

"So, you are the 100% girl," and he smiled.

Murakami is real, I tell you. 

And it was 'you' I see, again.

Riddles.

Anyone? For me.

Yet another tiring day. My eyes are popping goldfishes'. And I think I am having a lil problem with my lower back. It's aching. /sighs Come to think of which, it's been aeons I hit the gym or dance. And darn, I sure need that massage. Kaba Modern's recent performances are making me cry. 

It's a relatively usual day. Then again, something unusual was going through my mind for most of the time in the morning - strangers (yet again). I have a liking towards things I don't know about. I guess it's common. But I know this abyss of curiosity bears malice components - well, soon you'd know what I mean.

Some things said last night which got me thinking, visualising, and smiling.

-"...watching the world collapses in Pachelbel's Canon in D minor."

What a grandeur of animosity!

The skies falling little by little, revealing the obscure world within. Tall building crumpling gently into nothing, debris musked the atmosphere and, there wasn't any chaos. The people finally found peace at heart, at last, they stood still, watched and listened. And once again, just like an epiphany, the world reverted to simplicity again. No more hastened pace, no more millionth face. =)

If you get what I mean...

Stay loved peepo. Imma go cuddle up four pillows now.

P.S Twilight is fairly good. Watch the movie, read the book, and the sequels.

Note to myself:

PLEASE SEND YOUR WATCH TO JAPAN YOU LAZY ASSHEAD!

Today's gathering with Class of 6E '97 turned out to be quite a success! Seeing how everyone has grown comforts me on this whole issue of growing up, or rather, old. =)

And guys, Waraku serves really bad jap food. -.-

Watched "The day the Earth stood still" with SM at vivo. I really fancy the plot! I adore this whole idea of, in order to save the Earth, mankind has to be eliminated. Vivo is a mess I tell ya. Two eejits got lost in Vivo despite having been there for countless times.

Talking and laughing too much can bore me sometimes.

Dinner at Big O with SM and Tracy.

"Baileys Me!" looks good. But it sure ain't.

What's SM emoing about? 

Sing praises to my mobile!

MOS! Come back MOS!

-

girlfriday: without guilt and eyes on my back.   says (4:10 PM):

maybe, just maybe you could type something and show it to his current girlfriend

to let her knw what he's rly like

even if he's true to her, he IS an evil person

and its her bad luck to get someone like aloysius

i bet he kept mum about you and tons of other girls in his past

so she cant see his flaws and disgusting side

girlfriday: without guilt and eyes on my back.   says (4:13 PM):

she doesnt know everything, thats for sure. (:

and that means she's jst with someone who has secrets, and if she knws this, she'd waver and think twice about who her boyfriend is. if she ever knws about his past, that is.

-

So comforting to see these words. I appreciate your gesture to my calls for help when I didn't know how to feel. But I think I will back off. It ain't my problem anymore. Wenny, I toldcha, the only thing that I would be associated with him in the future is that I would be the first one to snap his prick off. 

I'll survive and live, and I am already doing it.

:D 

Happy Post #464458.

Wenny! I am still waiting for you to reply my smses before you go Korea! %#^@#$% You left me waiting in vain... :( 

And what! I am so going to Taiwan next march! Air ticket's booked, now there's the hotel. And the itinerary to be done! I wonder most of the times why Tracy and I are going there. We ain't really the cheena piangs to be exact, but heck luh? She said we should pose as ABCs. Lol. I think it sounds fun. 

Alrights! Photos! 

Come eat us. 

We are products of the cola company, 'zero calorie. great taste.'

Room revamped. The blue polka dots ribbon stands out.

I couldn't find white!

I love my new pink table lamp!

Aww.

A kiss for my next!

Try this. 

It rocks heaven and rainbows.

Having thought about this whole issue which is going on inside me, I have decided to delete the post "This is not a Hate Mail!" I really should think I shouldn't be entangled in this weave of emotions which should be long forgotten. And come to accept the way he was, and whichever way he is now. Reading the older posts, looking back, I realized how stupid I had been. I had been used! And those words which he had said to me all sound so easy now. They are convincingly better lies, and I see nothing now. When I had him, I thought I knew and saw everything. Then again, nothing regarding him is of my concern. I no longer wish to miss any of those careless words and the easy times he had when I bore all the difficulties. And if I do give way and bawl, the reason would be me, just for me myself.

I just went to facebook and saw this stupid application "Do you think your friend dresses up well?" and revealed the one person who clicked on "No" on me. Hmm? I think shirts and pants to a lousy club named butterfly or whatever, spaghetti straps with mini denim skirts + heels are really his cups of tea. But then again, whatever. 

I totally tried out fake eyelashes today! And my god, I swear I am addicted to em already! I want to even wear em to sleep man. And I had wanted to snap some photos of me in lashies but heck, I lost my right contacts and I went to shower as soon as I got home.

Wenny is being funny loh. Asked me on MSN to text her as soon as I see her message, and she ain't replying now. Boo hoo. 

Friends do leave. I do leave too (not suggesting anything to you Wenny). I cannot count the number of people I have dropped along this journey, but hey, plastic is a non-biodegradable waste and it's harmful to the landscape. I don't know, I sound like a hater.

The last time I went madly in love was in year 2005. And that was the only time it ever happened. I went nuts for someone else not me. And I declared to the whole world that I loved him. It was very mutual. We were more than effulgence. And I am really thankful it happened, even though he and I are pretty much talking strangers now.

I miss falling in love with lotsa P.D.As.

To sign off this post, I decided to cite what I came up with last night while typing out that "not a hate mail".

And it's for him, Aloysius Teoh, from me.

Lying is the most fun you can have without taking off anyone's clothes. But it's better if everyone does.

Marina Tsvetaeva

This is beautiful.

Poetry of the End.

A single post, a point of rusting

tin in the sky

marks the fated place we

move to, he and I

on time as death is

prompt strangely

too smooth the gesture of

his hat to me

menace at the edges of his

eyes his mouth tight

shut strangely too low is the

bow he makes tonight

on time? that false note in

his voice, what

is it the brain alerts to and the

heart drops at?

under that evil sky, that sign of

tin and rust.

Six o'clock. There he is waiting

by the post.

Now we kiss soundlessly, his

lips stiff as

hands are given to queens, or

dead people thus

round us the shoving elbows of

ordinary bustle

and strangely irksome rises the

screech of a whistle

howls like a dog screaming

angrier, longer: what

a nightmare strangeness life is

at death point

and that nightmare reached my waist

only last night

and now reaches the stars, it has

grown to its true height

crying silently love love until

—Has it gone

six, shall we go to the cinema?

I shout it! home!

And what have we come to?

tents of nomads

thunder and drawn swords over

our heads, some

terror we expect

listen houses

collapsing in the one

word: home.

It is the whine of a cossetted

child lost, it is the

noise a baby makes for

give and mine.

Brother in dissipation, cause

of this cold fever, you

hurry now to get home just

as men rush in leaving

like a horse jerking the

line rope down in the dust.

Is there even a building there?

Ten steps before us.

A house on the hill no higher a

house on the top of the hill and

a window under the roof is it

from the red sun alone

it is burning? or is it my life

which must begin again? how

simple poems are: it means I

must go out into the night

(and talk to

who shall I tell my sorrow

my horror greener than ice?

—You've been thinking too much.

A solemn answer: yes.

Watch the sunrise before us.

You know, I am a cusp ain't it? Born right in between a cancerian and a leo. Right, I know it's so gay to talk about horoscopes and starsigns, but I am affirmative the signs have their own piece of the cake to cut here. Because you do know I enjoy dark rock music to sexy R&B to raging hip hop, the usual jazz, lounge and new age. Not forgetting operas. 

My most current groove has to be this track by lil' Wayne featuring Bobby Valentino named "Mrs Officer." Yeah. I know the name sounds damn corny, but I simply fancy that whole light feel of it, now that a majority of R&B and hip hop are using lotsa electro beats in them. And lil' Wayne sounds damn cheeky when he does the half laugh thingii. Well, what a song for my escapade to Phuket!

-

I chose over a route of uncertainties ahead. I settled for not the best, because I know for sure, the best route isn't what I want to be seen taking. My life should not be a smooth sailing yatch in the fast lane. I want it to be a viking ship, pirating, getting caught in whirlpools and storms. I was never a handsome Princess 56 fly. And these tedious obstacles, should serve me well along the road of growth. /smirks. 

I have more feelings for someone not me, even though he's nowhere close at all. The whole amusing thing about this relationship is that there isn't a relationship at all. Everything is my hypothesis, fantasies, and dreams. I have heard countless convictions of giving up and my affections are almost wayward. However floozy I may portray, I'm still sure who fits right in this especial room inside me. 

Perhaps I should spend the rest of my life coming up reasons why we should be together.

I think there's quite a hefty lot of it.

-

Enjoy the rain, night, jam and love, peepo. 

David Sides.

I spent the past one hour viewing this incredibly unbelievable talented guy on youtube. 

He left me satiably enthralled. And I am hungry for more.

Two songs which lovingly remind me of you, all the time. And Ciara's Like A Boy.

Musiq Soulchild - Buddy.

Ne-Yo - Because Of You.

Ciara - Like A Boy.

*note what's missing on his piano.

random.

[JSVIII]© come back to me its almost easy says (2:22 AM):
haha
i tot u are fucking gg to slp!!
wth bff

*eminence grise. says (2:23 AM):
er no. i dont know who "gg" is. i have no such friend.

Shatter dome.

I have been listening to a lot of The Smashing Pumpkins these days. The band is only three years younger than me and I regret not wanting to listen to em any sooner than now. 

Oh. Tell me you know why I love them.

That ain't the original girl, D'arcy (who did bass) or something?

"Music that evokes emotions such as being pessimistic and feeling trapped but still wanting to believe in love, in a future, in something." - some review on them.

Sounds familiar. Hmm.

Sometimes when there's too much weight,

you'd feel like going back...

going back to 1979.

Lovefool #1.

As if my company doesn't spoil us enough, watching "Quantum of Solace" Gold class was carved into this perfection when there were popcorn and drinks catered. Now there's only this Massage treat which I think I would be needing somewhere in December.

Finally, 2008 is bidding farewell and the curtains are almost half drawn. It's been an eventful year. I had seen a psychiatrist and kicked it. Got myself on medication and dropped it with a snap of the fingers. Lost someone who is so important to me, found someone who takes really good care of me, but still I am not happy. SS'09 would be launched soon in time to come, now that AW'08 is going off the shelves into this E.O.S. I can't wait to see Comme des Garcons's and Marc Jacobs's.

The moolah I have spent in this year is crazy. I am a self proclaimed materialistic bitch. There is a drop in the number of books I have read this year. And I did not club for more than ten times this year and I am planning to keep this record alive. I want to knock someone off this career ladder she's slowly climbing (due to her old age) at work. 

You know, I am still awed by the fact that a lot of people out there (especially, the Older generation - too blind to see because of hyperopia, too slow in reacting because of senile dementia) are plain stupid. Dogs that bark don't bite. Really. So just shut the fuck up, shut yourself in your kennel of insecurities, and drown yourself in your own sea of shit. I am so sick of hearing these empty business talks, self actualization, self idealization, self placate, self pity and this goes on. Sighs. Ya so barking up the wrong tree. I don't fancy patrons. Quit it or I'll just slap any of yo with anthrax strapped on a tampax.

I have this longing for New York and colder countries. I want to be seen wearing cashmere, warmers, beanies, furry coats, ear muffs (I once told my love that they are furry headphones), leather jackets and boots. 

Love, you should come back. It's the easiest job you would ever need to do.

Tainted walls of rain and shine,

remain standing,

stronger and survived.

-

P.S I might be attacking soon for all you know.

Are you even ready?

Note to myself.

Before 2008 ends... 

In the month of December then.

1. Go to the dentist.
2. Go for a haircut.
3. Go for a massage.
4. Lose weight.
5. Wait for you.

Resolution '09.

1. Sign up for a third language.
2. Get your hip hop done please.
3. Go Phuket & Bangcock in March.
4. Save up for New York.
5. Lose weight.
6. Wait for you.

Year 2010.

1. New York '10!
2. Lose weight.
3. Wait for you.

My god.

I thought I should stop blogging for a period of time.

But I was only an arm's length away from Rihanna.

She's so friendly.

And tall.

Jesus.

I should have asked for Jay Z's number siol!

Dreamer.

Very much alone.

It's only a matter of time that this very add doesn't necessarily represent me. And it doesn't bother me at all whether there are still anyone reading this. It's of no surprise to know that a blog like this won't have much entertainment value. I need a little space to rant, or rather, to express my thoughts especially when I notice the absence of you with so much regret.

It's been a while since I lost my cool over something/someone insignificant. It doesn't make sense at all. I had a calm 12 hour sleep to be awaken to such fine weather, albeit to an empty side of a bed, and still, to the ghost of you. The impact of having lost you, has evolved into a want for others, even though I have someone close. They are not enough. And I realised, 'you' were most probably a mere million blinks and flutter of eyelids away.

I am on this side of the track, having a almost smooth train ride, that I hope. But when they all amount to nothing, I am just seeing a crystal stare. Because I don't have you anymore.

There's such a void within me that moving on isn't just enough.

I am incomplete.

Hate Post #1.

I have been lazy to read. I have been really lazy to do almost everything I have always enjoyed. It's been so long I stopped drawing. I just don't see the drive anymore. Like everything is gone. My mind is wickedly infused with something. And I have no clue what it is.

I am contented. But I ain't happy. I realise I was happier when I wasn't contented. What does that imply about me?! I am a depressive. Depressives never want to be happy so they can be sad. Fuck. Fuck. Am I really one?

Now I have an identity crisis. For god's sake at the age of 23?! Am I really a bi? Omfg, I am spouting nonsense.

Gone.

Gone.

Gone with the wind.

Gone is the rapture that thrilled my heart.

I kinda notice this cute guy at Paul Smith, Wisma. He's always looking in my direction too. What does that mean? Is he always wondering whether I am a tranny or what? He sure looks a lil like Aloysius though. Substitute.

You know what? I am a fucken cb slut. I can tell you. I am afraid that Nic might see these one day. But I am just... God damn selfish ya know. Some by sins rise, some by virtues fall. You know? You know.

I have a sudden kick to snap photos. Photos of trees, flowers, rivers, ponds and lakes. Mountains, sunsets, the greenery. I want to watch clouds. Can someone taciturn enough bring me please?

Okay. This is something about me. There are some guys out there, if they know how I am like, they'd really take their stand good enough and just go with the flow and enjoy what I am like. But there are just some mentally challenged ones who are trying to outwit/out-talk/out-think/out... out... out... whatever it is, I have no clue what the fuck would they want to do that for. It's just... I don't know. If by being a FUCKING PLAIN JANE, SIMPLE GIRL NEXT DOOR WHO DOESN'T WEAR BRA AND WATER HER BONSAI AND GREET YOU A GOOD MORNING WHEN SHE SEES YOU, AND TOLDCHA BLESS YOU WHEN YOU SNEEZE, makes you happy, then go to Far east plaza, go to Orchard towers, you could try Mayflower primary school too. I'm just having not much time for the haters.

Cat licking off the fucking cream. I admit I don't have many I chat to under my MSN list. And that's because I am selective when it comes to friends, and talkers. I don't "Hi and bye" people. But I need no shit asses, brains through muscles kinda guys to come stimulate me. Just... beat it and scram. I am carrying out the filteration of my MSN list, and I do this every year. And I know no one knows unless you discover I don't rememeber you or talk to you anymore. As if it's not short enough, I prefer my MSN to be meaningful.

Please. Brush up your english and learn to spell mesmerise or mesmerize. Not Mesmorise or what.

Yeah. I am mocking at you know who you are.

Come. Taunt me soon.

When all falls.

Have you ever taken notice of some numbers resurfacing repetitively in your life? The number of the plate of a car you just happened to notice on the road, the number of an unfamiliar building, and the time, whenever you turn to see.

I am sure you do, or will.

Mine happen to be 1 and 7.

-

I remember the time they came and died.

I remember the time - smoke on my cigarette.
I remember the long flight of stairs, the essence of lavender burning.



I remember the lonely alley.



Maybe someday you'd remember something.







[Sorry. I didn't mean to peep to your knowledge.]

Counting days.

I have been really packed! And when it's time for me to rest, I am down with a severe cold. Because of my allergy to dust, and because it was really dusty at my recent company event, I am a sick dog now. I dare not say I worked very hard for this event and it's because I have been sick eversince the first day I stepped into this Pit Building next to the Singapore Flyer. Ugh. My head is splitting like worlds apart.

Aights. If you've went to this Club 21 Bazaar, then I suppose you have adopted another mindset towards branded goods. And the queue to even enter this event was as long as the queue back then when MOS just opened (really sorry to hear that it's closed). And as for the payment queue, try to visualise a lil further.

So now you must be thinking what good buys I have gotten!

AX for Dad!

My doll-ups and an undie from D&G.


Cutesey Pinky Sweater from Blackjack!


Hammock bag from Marina Rinaldi!



lil' red shoes from Max&Co.


One of my fave designers - Marc Jacobs!


@ SG Flyer, fuckin sick.


Did I mention I met up wit this eejit recently?

And I am damn impressed with my P905i. Although the network is giving me quite a handful of problems, it's still a godly one. I've been spending way too much this month, there's still quite a number of stuffs I bought which I didn't take photos of. Ugh. i am sweating like hell. Fucken fever.