Big boy & his new toy!

For Desmond Wai for being a 28-er; a PS3.

Tata PS2...

Went down town to get Des a toy. Ate at Tonkichi at Orchard central and we were almost worried that it won't taste as good as the one at Taka. Meh. But we were wrong. The coffee jelly is so yummy too! I think it rocks better than the one at PastaCafe. Anyway, the actual day celebration for his birthday is on Monday. I should call Rive now. Brrr. Pokka food group should make us VIPs! Since we're always eating everything under them - Tonkichi, PastaCafe, Rive Gauche...

We are going to Bintan in November!

[edit] Genting again... -.-

I'm in love with my own sins.

It looks like techno is coming back thus hip hop these days is getting worse - perhaps to the extent of being trash. Every (supposedly) hip hop song on the billboard is a remix of the former. Or perhaps everyone like Rihanna, Akon and Sean Kingston only followed suit when T.I brought in the trend? Do they belong to the same company? I personally miss days when LL cool J and Vengaboys drew a thick line between each other. Going mainstream never fails to earn you the bucks and cause you to lose your identity. There are things which should always remain unchanged.

Like Fall Out Boy! Man, I know it's kinda late for me to be talking about them since their latest album released was in December last year! Click click "Folie à Deux"! My personal fave has to be "America's Suitehearts", "Disloyal Order of Water Buffaloes" and "w.a.m.s". Check it out if you haven't!

Ris Low is a joker. Her English is so hilariously atrocious that Maria next door can speak better than her. The judges apparently has impaired hearing. She should make it to "Just for Laughs" instead. Strip her off please!

I have gotten an interview with Chic Magazine next week and I swear I don't really know anything about them. I should hit the newstand later and try to get a copy or so. I AM SO FREAKIN NERVOUS. Like I'll kill and beg to nick this job. God please help me again!

Ugh my tummy is rumbling because I had the Zinger burger combo with Desmond during lunch. The fish sizzlers are crazy spicy and freshly fishy at the same time. I love the texture of the bites but I disgustingly hate the aftermath - endless loo visits.

To Whitney.

Alright peeps! Enough of the crap shit R & B mixed Technos these days! It's finally time for some real music!

Mariah, ya going way too mainstream so make way for Whitney.

I have never seen Whitney enjoyed so much in a Music Video and I swear she can't look better!

I hope she had the Drug Fest kissed her ass goodbye forever. :D

Dear God.

How sad are we?

Their smiles of gloat and glee.

When it all seemed so bleak,

Was it you that I see?

-

There's a big relationship problem between my router and my lappie's wifi. Restaurant city is having a problem to load at this hour of the day. Tell me the students wake up early to revive their chefs and waiters.

The hour I fancy - 0500 to o600 hours.

Have you ever realised that the world seems the quietest and the most at peace with itself during this one short hour? It feels like everyone and everything came to a standstill, awaiting the refulgence of the breaking dawn. No more cats whining about the cold, no more noises from the 'homeless', no more cars whizzing pass, no more whispers of lust and swears of loathes. Perfect quietus.

I used to be regularly healing my hangovers, throbbing headaches, nauseousness at this hour some time back. Time was wasted, but times were fun filled and I derived happiness from careless days. On opposite end now, I am deprived of smiles. I seem to have left something behind or I might have completely lost it. I am not love-driven nor am I fun-driven no more. My break this time round has me waking up each day feeling more like a bum. As if I am my own judge, it's wrong of me to be not doing anything everyday.

I know I haven't been praying to you on a regular basis. And it may seem like I am always exploiting you. But that's the reason why you are God, and I have sinned. I pray to you, if you may, please give my mojo back to me.

Amen.

/winks

Martini extra dry with lotsa olives.

Everyone close enough around me knows that I have had a total career switch recently - retail to shipping. What a worlds apart change! I re evaluated on the things I want for myself, set new goals, altered a little of my aspirations, braced myself up to brand new challenges and found myself struggling for the past two nights trying hard to remember ports' names, countries', provinces', which resulted in the sudden rise of stress level and is definitely the cause of my insomnia. Bear this in mind that I used to flunk my geography back then in school. Traveling is a love, remembering 926 ports is a loathe.

I was scolded because I do know how to spell Bandar Abbas which is in Dubai. I was jeered at because I couldn't be fast enough to give the most precise answer on tariffs and vessels info.

Shippers are impatient people.

Whoever once told me that the world is beautiful has forgotten to add this piece of info that mankind is ugly. I plead to parents and parents-to-be out there to quit telling your kids that everyone should treat one another with grace and kindness. Because I told myself that I should function this way, I ended up being fooled and getting hurt by insensitivity now. If you don't wish your kids to get hurt in the future, tell them the truth.

And as if, everyone is born with a world map etched in their heads.

But whatever it is, it is a job. It is my job. And if I pull through this shithole soon enough, things will look brighter and perhaps I might pull this off somehow.

The Boyfriend.

The boyfriend is the best boyfriend on earth, one could ever find. I shall justify, He has been showering the best support one could ever had, doing a lot of listening of the whines, nags, complains and endless talking. He is not showing any disparaging and instead has been giving advice and encouraging words. A rare catch indeed - he is always here for me.

I miss days being indolent without carrying any woes. However, it seems to me that I have to age like a normal aged - to fear having nothing to claim as achievements under my name when I'm old or be it, nothing to offer myself, my family and my family-to-be.

This is Life in the fast lane.

Vanilla skies.

By looking back in retrospection, things still do not seem clearer.

I quit my job. Rather than basking in the agony of having to do something which I do not enjoy doing everyday, I quit my job even when it's fetching me my bread. If you think I'm being a little too rash, that's really my problem. I do not see any point sinking myself deeper into this sea of pain when I am not exactly the happiest person on earth. I should learn to make myself happier and start doing things which I haven't got much time to do, for e.g, read and write.

So it seems to you that my blog hasn't been updated on a much regular basis compared to the way it was in the past. And that my sentence structures have been hovering around the same pendulum of stasis which definitely proves that no otherwise, my english sucks.

No. I am not caught in the rush hour of getting a new job soon. But wait till my well dries up. Perhaps you'll see the same old pathetic me. Except for the fact that I am baptized with the lavishes of branded goods from head to toe now. Doesn't matter if the wallet is empty, as long as the credit card is still working. But when the bank decides that it's the end of me, it's the end for me.

Anyway, I feel empty inside out all over. I am like a walking mummy. There's no drive, and nothing for me to look forward to. My insides are all mud, sand and worms. It is as if the world has owed me an pyramid load of happiness. When I am walking along the bustling roads, I feel like hiding away to somewhere dark and quiet. I hate town now.

My Calvin Klein flat pumps gave me a lot of problems for the past two days. If you think something flat would never hurt you, they happen to prove the very fact that a blunt edge could bleed you as well. I have three blisters on my left foot, and two of my right. When I plastered em up in the afternoon, they made people laugh.

You know, the eerie thing about me. The moment when I realize I am getting tired of something even though I like it, my mind starts detaching myself away. Then my vision of solipsism will surface again. But the vision now has a shadow casted over its horizon. Someone soiled my beautiful ego with little traces of footprints. It is as if I had someone walked all over me. When I followed the trail, I couldn't seem to trace where the trail lead, neither do I know whose shadow was it. It was a sad confusing sight. And I could only pretend to be indolent about it.

By looking back in retrospection, it got more confusing.

I totally adore the latest entry Wenny wrote on her blog "Things I do with my boyfriend in bed". It really serve as some ideas for all of us in case our relationship gets mundane. Sadly, Desmond and I were usually so tired (especially me), that we went into dreamland right at the moment we hit the bed. That, he told me that I have this special ability to fall asleep as and when I fancy it.

I have to share this. I had really wanted to wait till I come back from Quincy with the saucy photos but I have to share this!

Tada~ My boyfriend made me such a fortunate girl!!! He chose the one which I fancy most outta Tiffany & Co's "Return to Tiffany"! Thank you baby! For making me so happy, for being you yourself!

HAHAHAHA!

Desmond and I were playing with our webcammies the other night. Not anything kinky please.

I actually thought of closing down this blog. But on second thought, if this should go, it means some detailed emotional transitions would be forgotten too. Which isn't a good idea, because I think I still have a lot to learn from the past.

Two young guys (most probably gays) between age 15 - 17 were on the same tube. I think they didn't know they were homosexuals and is most probably attracted to each other because they stood to each other the way you stand next to your boyfriend/girlfriend. And they touched each other's hands. And I think they are about to explore some other parts soon. I felt so sorry, I didn't think they even realise that they are homo.

Is it a trend these days or was I not very alert to my surroundings when I was younger, that there's a major uprising number of homosexuals we see around us? I had to ask Desmond whether one of his acquaintances was a trend-follower. I can apprehend how Lesbians work but not Gays. I can't think of anything on a man's body which is a turn-on.

Okay. I am blabbering.

I am so looking forward to my birthday this year. We are going to check into Quincy on the night of 22nd. We were actually deciding between Scarlet Hotel and Quincy, but the indoor swimming pool which is on the high floor convinced us. Shall review!

Movida @ St James on the 21st. See me if you see me.

Burpies.

It is hard to digest the fact that He has left us, about as hard to stomach as a tray of jolokia peppers. And his abrupt departure, just as blimey as him as a whole, stopped the world for a good whole morning. In the event of receiving this tough piece of news, I was rooted to the ground for a good whole minute and my mind went blank.

I started this one sided affair when I was 9. When CDs were a lavish sort of luxury, I was a proud owner of his Dangerous album in cassette form. Every day without fail, the first thing I did after I got home from school, was to plug my earphones in, and listen to the entire album again, again and again. If you should ever play just this one album, I can tell you exactly where he's going to "hee" or "wooh".

I believe that there are a handful of people out there who are as affected as I am, that entering his name in the Google search engine seems as mandatory as our morning cuppa. The thought of his demise is unbearable because I think the music industry can never get enough of him, and it will never be the same again.

By choosing to believe that he indeed wanted to go is probably the best appeasement I could find for myself. Because as what a friend of mine had noted, “how can someone who changed his entire skin color not prevent a cardiac arrest?" I believe he was getting tired of his controlled and scrutinised life, tortured and distorted by the 5^th estate, finally.

Just as I was eagerly anticipating his next world tour, just when I was waiting for another good album, just when I was waiting for him to come on to this stage of his to enthral again, he left me with a sense of loss so unfamiliar.

While a clout still hangs over who the next incumbent as the epitome of showmanship may be, perhaps we should let this sense of loss hover because for a few of us, the world had indeed stopped. For another hefty millions more, theirs crashed.

He left the stage; not our hearts.

The greatest entertainer ever,

the best musician,

the best dancer,

the best lyricist

who wrote to unite us.

May his millionth applause lingers.

In Our Darkest Hour

In My Deepest Despair

Will You Still Care?

Will You Be There?

In My Trials

And My Tripulations

Through Our Doubts

And Frustrations

In My Violence

In My Turbulence

Through My Fear

And My Confessions

In My Anguish And My Pain

Through My Joy And My Sorrow

In The Promise Of Another Tomorrow

I'll Never Let You Part

For You're Always In My Heart.

M.J's.

Everything goes wrong.

I am not happy, I don't understand why.
Or is there any reason for me to be?
Stranded alone on a planet,
with no one who understands.
I blabber; you'd listen,
but would you comprehend?
It's such tiresome to thrive,
as a mortal.

Last night I wrote.

A little something, so loved.

A little secret ensconced within.

A tinge of magic, whimsical and splendid.

-

Genting gateaway 22nd May'09 to 25th May'09 with Desmond & his family. =D

Washed shores.

For this moment of time I haven't been blogging, I have certainly been busy. Busy dating my lovely man, letting him charm me over and over again, busy with monetary management, busy with getting funny stomach aches, busy with handling new work-related issues and upcoming ones, as so I've foreseen.

If there's a word which should ultimately derived from this whole fashion industry, the finest word of all would be 'bitchy'. There's an infinite link between the word 'fashion' and 'bitch', it's been an ongoing affair and I imagine it to be an occurring one so as long the need to be clothed stays in the Maslow's hierarchy of needs. I could be one, but do I have to resort to such level? If by lowering myself earns me somewhat a form of so called success in life, I wouldn't know who I would become in another two years' time. Wearing branded shoes, dresses and carrying leather handbags do not define me. What's worse, now it's no longer the quality since more brands are getting manufactured in China (and China is infamous for evil merchants). I might cry later, only because I have just realized that I've forgotten who I was and should be, for a year. When I strip myself naked of all the pretense (I've called 'thresholds'), that's when I am being most true to myself.

My relationship with Desmond is the talk of the town (as so I've heard). It may be a party-starter or a tea time coffee talk, may invite cynicism, may create stars and miracles, may crash but it's all up to one's speculation. There's a mixture of narrow-mindedness and kindness going on in the company now. Superiors who indirectly taunted our uphold of moral principles and work ethics, and colleagues who actually feel happy for us. And to the colleagues who actually got delirious for us, I am sure you are a happier person now that we've shared a piece of joy. Extremely sorry to the haters because you have gotten yourself one more piece of worry to fret about (okay, I am making this sound like we are playing Montague and Capulet).

Having an authority does not denote abuse and respect from others certainly does not draw from here. Many have chosen to turn a blind eye to the word 'responsibilities'. After all, who wants more work when they can make use of this time saved to shit, smoke, eat, fuck or masturbate. It's only natural for anyone to assume, jump to conclusion and waddle in a pool of deceit. And so often in our daily events, we've come across aplenty who would leap lightning fast in order to keep their asses warm and safe, when no fingers were even pointing towards them yet. At this snap of the truth coming to light, I found out that I am a bigger man than most men. I am finally on the top level of Maslow's hierarchy.

I am taciturn and shy by nature. I do not talk much unless a friend is in need of comfort. I like to look, listen, feel and observe. Even though I curse and swear a lot, that's because my mom introduced me South Park when I was young. I try to understand the metaphor of everything and that euphemisms are what I am good at coming up with because I am sensitive enough to say sorry after I've thrown a 'fuck you' at you. I do not brag myself to the world and impress you with hypothetical hopes that I am good. It's always up to anyone to judge. I shouldn't care how you think of me as long as you are not going to be one of the few who's going to hover around me by my deathbed.

I am washed, up on this clean shore. And I should not attempt to seek my inner self again by typing out letters that you are reading.

Jacob & Co.

SGD 51,637
美到~。。。

Tourbillon leh!!!!!! /omg

HAHAHAHAHHA! Not very expensive wot babe! SGD 81,020!!!! HAHAHAHAHHA!

/疯掉

/screams in agony

为什么？！？！？！？！
咳。。。
真是同人不同命。

starcrossed.

If the term 'hollow' rings a bell in 'Bleach' terms to you, that is exactly what I am now - without a soul/heart. Like what a drifter should be, I packed myself in neatly into this category of mankind. Seeing how others around are gradually growing up, seeking what they should want/desire/attain for themselves threatens me into being a provoked kitty and the only defense I can put up is to show my gritting jaws and take flight. 

There's nothing scary about growing old, the ultimate fear factor has got to be growing up and still clueless on what you want to achieve. 

Lately, I had times when I went out of sorts out of the blue. Like a mind which suddenly decided to roam a bit, I couldn't do anything except to stare blankly at my boy. I didn't exactly space out, but in my mind I was wondering whether these happenings around me could be true. Is He real, blood and flesh in front of me? If he is, why do I feel that this reality is incapable of bearing my presence? Has two months gone on by in just a spur or has this been around for a long span of time? Where was I and where have I been? I couldn't recall much. And at the point of time when my mind couldn't recollect nothing, I rooted myself to where I was some time 1 year 5 months back. 

Like a wave of ongoing things, like an endless rush for euphoria, and the eventuality of coming to an end, if the seeking of our desires and wants drives us forward , what would be the aftermath of attainment? If by death we strip ourselves to our thresholds, do we even die knowing who we are?

A single gesture could produce thousand of thoughts in the mind who's responsible for the act, and one who eyed the act. The hidden agenda performed last night was definitely apparent enough to a pair of eagle eyes and a sensitive mind. 

Thank you Mr Wai.

/has put on weight

/is very much loved.now.

/hates her job and wants to drift far away

/is addicted to shopping

/is disgustingly humungous now

/is going to the zoo on 23rd with belinda da susu/johnson da beau

/wonders why her bf doesn't whisper something splendid in her ear

p.s. no obligations.

There's an underlying side of me which hates myself, the way things are now, and what I've become.  

And I have no way to express it out. 

Before I go...

Okay. So we received the news that we, indeed, are not getting any bonus, for all the shits I worked for in year 2008. For the number of times I was uber shagged out almost to the max and still I pushed myself, for the occasions I didn't apply shit medical leave even though I was so very ill, still - no bonus. 

Good. 

Now I can make up my mind and leave. I certainly worth more.

To make myself sound a lil enthusiastic, I am going to type in caps and ends the sentence with an exclamation mark.

FINALLY, IMMA GO TAIWAN TOMORROW!

I have to make myself believe that it's indeed going to be one hell of a trip although I know for sure I won't be hesitating to hop onto the return flight back to SG at the end of my trip. Let it be just 7 days of soul vacation. I hope it is going to rain dinosaurs and mammoths for 3 days so I can nuah in the hotel room in a foreign land, read, rest and to think deeper into myself. Seriously, the 25th of this month at the beach is more appealing as compared to this trip. /weeps Now I've learnt a lesson. Do not attempt to travel to a country which doesn't impress you much even though it's for the sake of wanting to be there. Now, I need some counselling.

Imma be dead broke after this Taiwan trip. But almighty thanks to Dessy for giving me a 200 buckaroos voucher to get my Marc Jacobs bag. 

And so, baby, this is the answer to your question:

"Be good. And you'll know when I'm back."

Hahaha. :p

Watched the battle of the Titans with Dessy at Indochine after work that night, and darn, the reason why Man Utd lost was because I was surrounded by Liverpool fans. Okay. Let's not talk about soccer. I almost cried. It hurts. And to those Man Utd fans who walked away the moment Liverpool scored the fourth one, boo.

Nouvelle Vague.

We do not adore Nouvelle Vague's for no reason. 

-

Waves

And then goodbye

I live in a wafer thin dream

I, I can't cry

You know the time

Time's not kind

But I remember the way we were

The slow, slow sad love

I wonder do you miss my love

I know you can't

It's just a wave passing over me

What are these waves

They're coming over me

It must be my destiny

Waves

They're coming by

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye

Waves

They're coming by

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye

A discussion of Love.

According to Aristophanes in Plato's Symposium, in the ancient world of myth there were three types of people: "male/male, male/female or female/female." In other words, each person was made out of the components of two people. But then God took a knife and cut everybody in half, right down the middle. So after that the world was divided into male and female, the upshot being that people spend their time running around trying to locate their missing other half.

I am staying put, this time round.

"When things look bad, they'd only get worse."

Yes. I said that. I thought I have been trying to be realistic, negative and positive somehow. But, wth? Things really are getting so fugged up at work. I almost felt like walking away from all this mess that I did not intentionally create. Duh? I did no screw ups, now I have to be the one to take the trash out? 

God. If you decide to convince me for once, quit slamming the fucking doors right in my face!

And to anyone who's reading this, don't probe. 

Just lend me your shoulders and send me your words of comfort.

It has been an eventful week! Say apart from this one day which my brain decided to be a wanderlust for a day, and one specific hater at work who has been trying to bend the truth and painstakingly attempted to dig me in, I am a self proclaimed lucky girl. Seeing how everyone rejoices at the fact of us being together, it almost feel as if they are giving their true and sincere heartfelt blessings. I think the both of us fit into this category of a 'one' quite well. =)

And that hater really did spend a significant amount of effort and time just to try. How devious, how apparent, how so funnily childish, how lousily plotted her scheme was. Which makes me conclude, the lesser one's educated, the more insecure one is. I'll sing my own praise here, she's doing a right thing in order to keep her ass warm. Because I am infinitely stronger, no doubt. But that shall depends on how far my ego is willing to compromise because right now, I am very well aware that I don't suck balls even though it's seriously just a will of my mind. I don't need to have this job as much as she does. It's a scary thing about playing punk with someone who has nothing to lose. 

"If you are this way because of your upcoming promotion, let me gently remind you, that you would still be glued low in this hierarchy of social status. You can pretend that you are high and you would have to bleed in order to beat me. Psst." 

Garbage - Stupid Girl.

Ok. Bye peeps! I'm off to do nails for this fourth date with this very hot man! 

One short update.

Let's go insanely unsound with these really cool stuffs that I would really die to own. 

Marc by MJ - Locket Pocket Big Collapsible Tote.

The white patches look like clouds to some.

But they sure look like sheeps to me! That's the cuteness of it.

Balenciaga's the Giant Lattice City.

It's seriously not very costly.

Just USD2695.00.

/rolls eyes

This is USD2825.00. 

Just when we thought Bottega Veneta was the only one good at doing woven leather...

Finally! Another designer flip phone after D&G's collaboration with Motorola!

I can wear those pistol heels to play CS!

I hope I won't see em when I walk past Chanel this September. 

Really.

"Lord, just gimme either one of the Balenciagas and that pair of Chanel heels. And I'll stay contented for the rest of my life. Thank you."

"Oh in case you don't know my shoe size, it's size 6."

-

Reading Butterfly's blog never fails to be captivating and sure enough, it triggers off thinking neurons in my mind, which now, I call a blank field. He may be portraying an image of being an asshole but he's downright honest, no doubt. As for the haters out there who strongly think that the world would be a better place less of him, I think you are merely being delusional. That's because you are choosing not to see what's actually happening right in front of your eyes. 

Okay. My mind, as I have so mentioned, has been such rot that I could soon be applying for a pigeon's nest for a home. The reasons why I am such walking dead could be the undue stress from work which I have been piling up inside me, it could be the lack of sleep, or it could have been the fact that I am now dating my superior. Which of course, definitely and infinitely sounds damn kinky to anyone who's reading this, and those who know my innate nature. Haha. And if you are feeling happy for me, I thank you because I am feeling good about this 'whole thing' myself. 'Whole thing' here is ambiguous. Please rack your brains for my sake. 

Yaladayee... I am such happy girl now that I can have marshmallows for meals. 

I had a dream last night that my guinea pigs were dying. The strangest thing of the dream was that the symptoms that they presented before their deaths were, Brownie turned itself into grey/white with her rugby color eyes and Sparky changed into scary electric blue with her current black eyes. I was seriously traumatized that I think I almost jumped out of bed. The pain was so real I think I almost shed a tear. Now come to think of which, they sound so much like zombiepigs instead of dying ones. 

Okay. I gotta really go change out the piggies before they really turn themselves into zombies and kill me.