Mars attack!

I didn't actually think that ugly and fucked up people do exist until this new guy came into the company. Let's just call him Alienated.B or rather, freak. 

Alienated.B was (so I've heard) with the IT industry, and I really wonder what the schools have been teaching these days. And when the news broke out to me that he is about to enter SIM or SMU, I tried to call up to enquire on their level of criteria for their students intake. 

"Oh perhaps he's all mixed up on the abbreviation and is actually about to be admitted to IMH instead?" says Chrissey.

I never would have even thought that single digit IQ level do exists until I met him.

It's really fine that you are born to be mentally challenged. But what if when one is, and one thinks he's not and tries to be smart, act smart, be cool, act cool? Please call this conscious incompetence and the need for him to validate this insecurity by pretending/defending that he's not. Because he's relatively new to this whole fashion thingii, all at work tried to patiently coach and teach him the ropes. All except for me. I am very much known to be an impatient person, and I hate repeating myself. But one thing for sure, which I very much would love to repeat over and over again, is this: "Clearly unequal people certainly do not deserve equal chances." 

Seriously, if I had taught you once, and you don't want to fucking learn, I can force myself to teach you twice. If you still come knocking on my door for the third time asking the same god damn question, I will let my dogs out to bite you, rape you and pwn you. If you don't know, find your ways to seek the answers through observation and research, instead of troubling the person next to you while she or he is trying to work. Always try your best to seek unknown before you ask. That makes people feel that you have in fact, been trying to make an effort to learn on your own and people will in return, be more tolerant with you. To make my working days worse, the mistakes he has been committing never fail to propel me to question his common sense, if he has any. 

Which so explains why I call him Alienated.B. Because he's not human.

And he almost made me throw up the yummy romantic dim sum I had this morning, today.

He always says, "I know. I know." Oh fuck it! He obviously doesn't know if he cannot actually differentiate purple from black and brown from navy. And when someone kind actually tried to tell him that he had gotten the colour wrong, he talked back, "I know I know"?!?!? Hello?! These colours are so much light years apart that if I were to ask a blind to sniff the respective different colours out, I am sure the blind can fare better than him.

He should really count himself lucky that he hasn't asked me anything and talked back with a "I know I know" when I try to look at him in his face and help him. (Did I mention that I was deprived of aesthetics every time I look at him when I converse with him?) Because I know for sure, if he was to ask me for a help and tries to prove his wishful intellectual level by saying "I know I know", I will make sure I screw his insides out with perfect pull-downs and insults and ask him to show me what he actually knows. If he can't, Chrissy does what she does best. 

That is, being such a god damn bitch.

Don't you just love me being bad? =)

I am your stranger. Jump.

So it has been a while since the day I decided to drop my sketch book/journal and leave it at home. My tendencies to read and do poetry certainly has dropped. Strings of emotions and thoughts were neatly packed away, in accord with the avoidance of them. I had spare time to waste today after a very meaningless early meeting. And after having caught a movie and sending my dress to alteration, I took a long bus ride home, remembering that I need to sort out my thoughts. 

The objective being the want to tell him that I fancy him and the need to tell myself not to. 

It's peculiar to even have an objective in the first place. Because in the end, no conviction was concluded. However, the slow walk through the tiny shops at FEP were soothing enough to stop thinking about this for a spur. 

One very unfamiliar door may seem uninviting, but it opens welcomely to another. The fear of not wanting to venture into an uncomfortable zone seems natural enough. But what if I happen to be one of those who needs risks and challenges in order to grow and yet, too proud to not want to risk any sort of rejection? I would call contingency plan. But what if there's none? And it backfires till this extent that the platform both he and I are standing on begin to tumble? If there's no room for salvation, things would get ugly. One thing for sure, I am still trying hard to will my emotions. 

I had an emphatically urge breaking out of my threshold, wanting to tell him that I do indeed feel for him. It was an almost reckless idea because given my impatient nature, I know I would worsen this whole thing. And if I had told him, he may not need to reciprocate and leave it unrequited. But what if the aftermath of my confession, was the gravity of my feelings being too heavy for him to handle? I had the text typed, and decided not to send it with a very loud shut of my phone. I stared out of the window, and suddenly, the leaves around me started to fall from where they branched. At that point of time, I thought I saw AT's shadow. A very vague image of his smug face, a confident one, which tells everyone around him that he knows he's good. The same face I saw the afternoon I left him. I haven't felt this strong towards anyone after AT. And the fear of another bad ending taunts and daunts me. My genesis of this ego now, cannot risk any form of fragmentation. And just when I was done with the idea of being alone, the intrusion of his presence had to call on me.

I swayed my beliefs again. And I want to fall in love this badly, that I think I need to turn psychotic on myself. Let's not forget that I am a cryptic crossword ninja and I absolutely love mind games with little teases and flirts. 

Freedom

when gravity loses its grip,

the lightness on your feet,

time stands still.

"...the saddest girl wants to love so that she could die."

P.S who on earth, told me that safari web browser was good when it just hanged on me thrice!

If you are single and not celebrating V'day with a few single friends, sick of CS, dota, l4d, maple and sims 2 like me, try this link here for really nice flash games. Games I used to play with that idiot, Bennett. Oh, and Bennett, cheer up luh. You suck, still, as always. You remember all about Stefan and nothing about me luh. Fark you.

I am in such deep shit with myself that I most prolly need two days to sort out my thoughts at least. My ego has always been such merciless on myself and I cannot seem to escape it's wretched chokehold. I am in a state of confusion, not knowing what to do with myself. Being too proud to even bow to anyone, I won't be saying anything positively suggestive to you. Yet, all I can do, is just to rant here, doodle and dream, about us - you, you and you.

Argh. Wretched me, wretched cupid with his fucked up marksmanship. Wrong time, wrong person.

-

I uploaded the songs I used to listen to when I was in primary school and fell in love with em all over again, totally! /glee

Feel loved.V'day '09.

A look through ajar doors;

I couldn't tell.

I couldn't tell you nothing more.

I didn't feel.

I couldn't feel.

The world sank in;

warped we, silent.

Materialized a thousands thoughts;

of glee, of joy,

or melancholy?

Backs turned, and walked.

Far, 

and away from an equal point of inevitability.

What blossoms out?

Of a snowflake on a stove.

-

-

Something big happened luh. Jude's cuzzy was diagnosed with Aids, and wtf? Totally traumatizing and please, if you, who's reading this, happens to sleep with any Tom, Dick and Harry or Jane, Ann and Mary, please go for your check ups. We don't need an epidemic of Aids. I heard on the news some time back that they are training dogs to sniff cancer outta patients. Maybe I should train my guinea pigs to sniff Aids outta everyone around me luh. So Chrissy can save the world, I should just save the world.

I don't apprehend why everyone is wishing one another a Happy Vday when it isn't even a holiday to begin with.  You must be thinking, I sound sore because I am single? Hmm... MEH!! You fuck shit don't know me at all. Haha. 

 

Shoot forth thunder.

Shoot forth thunder.

Shoot the dog.

Pull the trigger,

say,

I wanna be next to you, like

Black & Gold.

Bags Craze.Hello

Goyard's St Louis collaboration with Japan's Mastermind.

Hello peeps! I have absolutely nothing to talk on about the bag above. Because it's simply, totally hot. When the Guccis and the LVs are so over-rated these days till the extent that when we walk past those vege-buying aunties at the market talking about them, Goyard made it's way into this whole bag brazen craze (please google it). Not forgetting Balenciaga's very pretty Motorcycle bag, and Chanel's really must-have 2.55, Goyard St Louis is infinitely hotter than the LV's Neverfull and definitely Gucci's Tofu bag. So please, don't be upset just because you aren't owning any LVs or Guccis, because to me, LVs and Guccis are just common leathergoods. LOL. Do I just sound like a bitch? Haha. Whatever.

Today I had a training class at iShop. It was fun because not only was both leaders hilariously quick-witted, they are very interesting people to begin with. And the bonus being the chance to meet so many individuals from other brands - first lines, second lines, third lines and the list goes on. And having observed everyone, I have realised that somehow, working with the higher end fashion industry, you tend to 'brand' yourself up.  Everyone was carrying very expensive bags, and wearing expensive clothes. /applause Man. I love all these brands-slapped faces and contours.

The month is slowly coming to a death, and I heard a rumour that something good is happening at the end of this month, which should be the direct cause for me to charge into Chanel and throw the cash. Someone with a good heart and soul, please talk me out of getting a Chanel. Because I can easily get almost 9 Wiis with that money, and of course, the lasik surgery. 

But hey, I think I heard the news that I can use my CPF to offset my lasik cost? =D double glee man.

The World's On Fire.

Women smoking hatred - at their sexiest.

Ironic aphorism.

-

There isn't a word to better express my hate, loathe, despise towards this shit/hell-hole Jurong. Having being stayed here for more than two freaking years, I am proud to say still, I am unfamiliar with this precinct - that if you were to drop me 10 blocks away, I wouldn't be able to make my own way home without hailing a taxi. This isn't really my fault. I was not born to grow up in a can of tuna. And I wonder how deprived of parents-taught social etiquette, privacy and solitude, these residents who have stayed here all their lives.

Anyway, the issue being the people here. As "Noose" on Channel 5 had previously suggested to build the dormitory for those blacks here instead of Serangoon Gardens, I can't help it but to raise my toes in agreement. To speak justifiably, the residents at Serangoon Gardens paid more for their abodes, their own pieces of heaven. Imagine a school full of those people standing out of nowhere amongst the beautiful semi Ds and terraces? Don't mean racism, don't get me wrong. I do appreciate the things they do for us which of course, includes the cleaning up of my house for CNY'09.

The second kind of people. 

Darn, we are all trying to pretend that the MIC club is seriously just an stagnant iota of poisonous gases beyond the ozone layer above and that they will never be walking beside you, taking the train with you, or be in the cubicle next to you at Ngee Ann City's toilet. That pretence could be made valid, but not when you reside in Jurong. I assure you that they are so widely dispersed that the explosive seed dispersal method used by some plants is considered minor.

There are two species of mankind in which I would never be able to read, nor do I wish to comprehend.

Having slept most nights away here in Jurong for the last 2 years, I haven't had a night which I fantasized a neighbour nor haven't I met one who looks tasty enough to awaken the temptress in me. The only one who apparently stood out from the rest, was this Butch staying just a few blocks away or something with her own way of style and dress sense. 

The girls/boys here look like they need to subscribe to Vogue all their lives. What's so difficult with watching a few runways and sourcing for looks through Google? Perhaps staying put in a rural area has somewhat managed to alter these chamber of neurons, and convinced the Mind that the Body is indeed somewhere far away from civilisation. It's horrifying when I try to take the train/bus because it feels as if I am watching Dawn of the Dead all the time. And why Dawn of the Dead? Because the first category never fails to carry this fetid smelling rot with them wherever they venture.

Bad day #463543.

I hate China.

Because of them, imitations are everywhere. 

And that means no buying on eBay.

And I swear I would always pay a full authentic price for everything I am going to purchase in the future.

-

I ripped a pair of stockings and wore it with my high cut red converse today. With a DKNY low neck black dress and a butterfly sleeves cardigan from M:)phosis. Because I was (still am) so totally pissed off with today, I didn't feel like snapping any photos although I really fancy my 'look' today. I was asked by so many people whether I had accidentally torn my stockings and I am very upset that Singapore's always a tad lagged behind, fashion-wise.

It's 12.14am now and my nails look horrible. And I haven't thought of what to wear later.  

Omen Breathe Voodoo People

So the above pic says it all! It was fucking awesome luh! But I saw a few aunties there. Perhaps they've thought that it's Rod Stewart and excitedly they came, disappointedly they left? Meh. I am such a bitch.

This is Glenn da self proclaimed hunk! Psycho-ed me early in da morning! And knowing that it's hard for myself to resist this kind of temptation, for a better excuse to attend the gig, I rang Trac up to check whether she is going. Darn. The next moment I was at sistic charging to my card for an event-day ticket which was 108 moolah. 

On a bus. I am so broke that I have to take a bus. Damn Dylan for playing me out. Boo to you! Don't say you'll make it up to me!

No Regrets! The Prodigy still rocks!

-

Oooh. Thanks fireburn for this setlist yall?!

The equation for today is CN4=85.

Man, I can't quit watching that Live performance of "Fairground" by Simply Red. It gives me creeps every single time. 

The first bouquet of flowers which was sent to ma crib was for my Mom, from some Norwegian guy. Meh, drop jaw man, my mom is a SPG. Haha. And sulky furrowed brows because it's neither for me or Dawn. 

Note to myself:

If it's four months', 75.89% sure on getting a Chanel.

If it's three months', 88.34% sure on getting a Wii.

A secret I can't keep from myself.

I feel like shit. I had a full meal at 2230 hours. I should just die.

It's surprising to know that there's a significant drop in the thoughts of AT, the little prince whom I think I would never wish to forget. Then, it's awestruck to be realizing a new presence - a compelled eclipse of something new into a void that big. 

Might be my own first flush since nothing's even done nor put across yet. 

Cupid was in disguise and had me once again when most probably I know how opposite the poles we are each standing on respectively. I do not fathom his thoughts at times and he makes me feel that I am not even the least confident of my own. When I do not register his points, I feel intrigued enough to probe if he invites. I have my door opened only to Plutorians. Never had I thought that an Earthling is interesting enough for a proud person like me to even want to pursue and study. He is as good as a myth behind the walls of the ancient China when I was walking through old Shakespeare's alleys. 

Albeit, I have utterly lost the hopeful part of me. There's nothing I would do besides watching things unfold themselves and money/merry-making over my daily dosages of caffeine. 

Love can bend and breathe alone
Until the end it finds you a home

Meanwhile,

let's walk around, be free and roam.

Hello!

Cute eh?

I bought myself another wallet.

When my current Comme des Garcons is barely one year old, I got him a girlfriend.

You won't wanna know how cheap it is after this special discount.

-

Hey! Look at Bff's gf's photography skills! Fit enough to be an album cover! Love that melancholic look on his face. Look how cool he is! But he's actually the donkey who sang 无辜 in the clip far far below. /giggles Just love this pic luh! So green!

The truth is hard to swallow.

When the chinese fortune tellers on the telly were saying how bad this year is going to be for those born in the year of Ox, I didn't choose to buy it. But apparently, just one day into this new year, I started giving credit to those tellers for the vile yet honorable truth they had managed to see in their crystal balls.

First misfortune.

I spoiled my kate spade wedges. As in, the sole of the left one (leather) was Gone! Like wth? I walked like less than 10 minutes in em and it's gone! And the right one was dangling halfway with partial of it still attached to the rattan part of the wedge. So I was so dissed, I pulled the whole thing out and threw it away. 

After at night, I went Arena/Boiler with the girls. Met Ivan at Boiler whom I've lost contact with for seven years (as told by him) and like wth? I almost didn't manage to recall who he is, but those chicken essence I've had in the past few years have served their purposes o'right. So yeah. And then came a shock,

 

!

I hardly wear necklaces. But why does this have to happen to Skinny da Bone? After I've found him at some random shop at Far East, paid SGD14.90 for him, adore him, and lost one of his legs? And I cannot go back to the same shop to get another one, because I remembered asking for a new piece and the sale rep said it's the last. /bawls Until I get another one, I can only wear Skinny this way and tell everyone how he had died in an accident which took away his right leg.

If anyone sees this, purchase it on my behalf ya? I can pay you more! 

Like double?

The Girls @ Arena. 

So pretty pretty.

And I,

so ugly ugly.

This is my fave pic of the night, because it's not showing my face.

And my dear relatives, PLEASE QUIT SAYING I'VE LOST WEIGHT!

The weighing scale always slaps you with the harsh reality. 

The truth is that, I have put on ALOT of weight!

My Heaven now is a Rainbow.

Killer heels.

I bought a pair of stilettos yesterday at Steve Madden. It was 4.5 inches, in black and had silver studs all over this ankle strap which you can tie a few rounds. And it somehow reminded me of the D&G one which I have missed the chance to purchase 4 months ago. But of course the D&G one was looking way hotter because the studs on it were pointed and had this ensconced message that they were ready to kick some asses. After 15 minutes of wearing the Steve Madden's, I almost felt as if there were micro mini aliens on my feet fighting a war. There was a cutting sensation at the back of my ankle and when I checked on it, my 5 cent size lump of skin was gone. Killer heels. 

So I went back to Takashimaya and asked for a smaller size, thinking that the reason why it was peeling the skin off my left ankle could be the fact that I am a size 6 and them - a pair of size 7. They didn't have a smaller size. But the sales rep was professional. He offered me a change even when I had purchased the stilettos at a discounted price (Now I feel ashamed of myself). I settled for a pair of red Nine West and the value of the Steve Madden was higher. I didn't want to have the balance which they owed me. They didn't let me go and suggested to issue me a credit voucher. And I felt conscience-stricken. I was moved by their level of professionalism when there are so many 'professionals' out there who couldn't even task competently. And that of course, includes me. -.-

No more 4.5" for me. 

Just another three more days to the Lunar New Year. And the only reason why I am looking forward to it is because I can finally wear my new stuffs and sleep on my colorful new sheets. I haven't cleared my wardrobe. There are tons of clothes to be given away to the salvation army. I'm planning on taking up Mass Comm at MDIS. But Nic thought I should just scheme this whole shit and just write in to a few magazines. When my bonus is here, I will see how things should flow from then. 

Okay. I'm off to watch Bleach! 

If there is anything which could be preventing my emotions from showing, it'd be my ego.

Anyone who has been following my blog would have known by now who Nichol is. Though distance has successfully intervened us, his traces deep inside are significantly visible. And he's saying "till then" for a good three years - to of course, pursue a better piece of sky. If there's anyone whom one should look up to, it'd be him doubtlessly. 

No enough thanks could better express the gratitude I feel towards you. You are a strength and an epiphany. And I thank the One above for bringing me this friendship. You deserve every good which should befall on you. And I cannot wait to see you at your wedding; when you are at all smiles and bliss. 

Be warm,

Be still,

Be safe.

-

The reason why I shun chinese songs is because they tend to be more emotional as compared to the english ones. When I do listen, it rages the sleeping waves. I bawled last night to the pain which was neatly packed away. So long I have been hiding away, so scarred still I am. The freedom of the heart is something I should never surrender. I cannot remember when was it I felt at ease, neither can I forget the feeling. I killed Chrissy but her ghost has always been around. When it haunts me from time to time, I fall and I break. I gave someone my last armour yet he chose to stab right through the remaining piece of fragment I was. I scattered and leapt to another planet to start afresh. Believing that every facade is me but totally clueless on my true identity. 

If I am never this way, and I had shown you the real thing, would you have stayed? Or would you run because the truth weighs heavier?

-

A lil something I did in 2007 and think I fancy it.

A trial; uncalled for; designed by Life.

Two cracked lovers on each's grey; one remained guarded; one fighting to penetrate.

She's frail without him; her faith swayed with rumoured wind.

She fights on still; day seventh's beaten.

The light she shines fickled; she burns ferociously more.

Mortal love is flawed; she's with epiphany.

Time is an endless tool; make him enemy not.

His waves churn; he lost his way; he sees no light; he thinks he's done for.

An ethereal smile; she gives.

You bowed in the name of Life; your own puppet.

Easy on yourself; Nothing! you'd achieve.

The hands painlessly tick; perishable is time.

The past is all but mere memories dried.

O' why M'Lord; leave it all behind.

For now I take my leave; left traces of me.

Know that it exists.

Hotel 626.

G'day to everyone! Haha! My cowardice level can really amuse me most of the times! I heard about 'Hotel 626' from Glenn the Mangosteen (black on the outside, white inside) and decided to go try the game out. It's a flash game apparently used as a marketing gimmick by Doritos - and I see no link in corn chips and a scariest game ever (on the web).

So I decided to adjust my computer time to 6pm and call bluff the webbie (you can only play the game from 6pm to 6am). I barely started, and this is what my monitor looks like - 

Haha! A goth chick fearing ghosts! 

-

I didn't call my recent find necessary. Sad to say, you are still mysteriously lurking in my circle of everyday. So you know Glenn the mangosteen. And perhaps I shouldn't have let him browsed through my iPod that fateful day, after which he blurted out in pure sheer excitement, "So this is Aloysius?!" /sighs wtf? Can the world be any smaller? 

The updates I heard from him about you rings echoes which are very identically nostalgic. Ticking hands don't really work their way around some special individuals, I believe. And it was to my sheer amazement when I read her blog - "Faith" seems to be a very overused word. And you amuse me most of the times, in the most entertaining manner. It's finally nice to watch you play the world, after I've stepped out of your malicious circle. =)

Till then, I know we will meet again.

If I ever get married, I would be wearing these.

Vivenne Westwood S/S'09.

Brilliant beauteous works or art, aren't they?

Night of the living homeless.

We know the latest hit in the gaming scene in Singapore recently.

It's...

Nice. 

I am so going to camp at some Lan just to kick some zombies' balls.

But one question.

Do zombies really have so much blood?

Vintage Day.

Okay. Now there's a problem. The pair of Jessica Simpson wedges might not be mine afterall, now that the order is fucked. 

Vintage day started last night when I was surfing my usual dose of those fashionistas' blogs. I decided to give life back to some of the stuffs which I haven't been wearing or I've stopped wearing totally. So I found a denim jacket which looks slightly worn out and decided to pair it off with a short green checkered shorts with a metal studded belt, knowing that I won't have to go through some walk-through metal detectors (the alarm went off when I was trying to get through one at the Petronas Towers). And I matched the whole outfit with a high cut red converse with my very vintage Gucci sling. 

Antiquated Gucci and the things I won't leave house w/o.

No pictures because I woke up so bloody late this morning for work. But hecks, I decided to go al natural and applied only foundation, blusher, eyeliner and some white eye shadow around the eyes. And Desmonia asked whether I am not wearing any makeup. Ugh. 

Des: "It's not bad, but I can't think of a word to describe how you look."

Me: "You mean, I look different?"

Des: "Did you just come up with this new look in collaboration with the quit smoking campaign?"

Me: "Decent?"

Des: "Nah. Hey you look like you're going to the forest, hunter."

I was speechless.

[edit]

2:58am

A lousy attempt to draw a hippo.

One Brazen Shoe Hussy.

Alrighty, having slept at daybreak and waking up at 3pm has alienated me from the entire world. Now I am at a loss on what to do. Was shopping online at La Senza and found out that their shipping costs 40 moolah and I was like wtf? It's more expensive than Speed Post service of my watch to Japan. Speaking of which, I haven't seen my watch for two weeks. And there's no news from Japan side. God. 

CNY is just so around the corner. I can't wait to put those cute round pineapple tarts into my mouth. And wear my new Kate Spade wedges! Oh holy, speaking of which, I purchased a pair of Jessica Simpson sandals online just last night when I told my sister that I won't spend anymore, except for some new lingerie. I feel like a sinner, every single day.

I was so bored last night, I googled on "World's Fattest" and thoroughly convinced myself to die an instant death if I were to get so amazingly obese. Which is not going to happen most probably, otherwise I won't be able to fit in those lovely heels/boots. And people will start throwing bread and stones at me. 

I cut my hair four inches shorter and it's alot more thinner than before. Which obviously is not a good thing because I know I look better in big hair. /bawls at my figure of whale and haggard hairdo

Tell me I'm a Brazilian in actual fact.

Alo!